Just my theory but I kind of agree with ICdn and in my humble opinion, those needs are similar for all but different in a way. IOW, we all, including difficult children, want to feel secure but what it takes to feel secure is different depending on age, gender, personality, etc. I can see a lot of changes in my son's and my relationship the past few months that make things so different from how things were a few years ago. I can see where we were and where we are (although still not perfect, much much better and doable for us both). I have wondered if I should post about some of this but I don't know how it might be taken by others- I sure don't have the answers about HOW all this happened, I can just see the differences in us both and the resulting relationship and lives we both have now. I will say, it took changes in us both and neither of us came up with a plan on what to change- I think we just both tried to work on ourselves and our relationship and then started making a real effort to improve things for ourselves individually and as a family. Oh- and we started showing a genuine care for each other. I'm not saying you don't do this already- just thinking out loud about what seems to be so different now with my son and I. I can tell you that if he decided to start down the 'wrong' path again whether stealing from me or something else, I wouldn't be able to stop him or motivate him to change, no matter what I tried. But at the time he was doing those things, I honestly believe he didn't see it as being his choice. It was his way of coping and surviving the minute. I don't think he feels desparate or hopeless anymore. And he knows where it led him- twice. And that I never quit loving him but as a parent, you know there's a very fine line in there with unconditional love and sticking to consequences.