OMG! Im scard now. Good that's the first sign that you realize there is something wrong. I want him to be happy more then anything. We all do, but happy can't happen until he's mentally well. I was recommended to a new behavior therapist today. Im going in to talk to him tomorrow. Im desperate for him to get help. He didnt care to tell the lady today that he knew that choking his sister could hurt her. He doesn't care, stop asking him to do things he can not do at this point. He doesnt care about anything. Why should he - he doesn't care about himself yet. He's damaged, angry and has NO ability to cope because no one has taught him how. My husband just about threw this relationship away because of my son. Don't blame him - I told you that everyone in the family has got to be committed to helping and learning and adjusting - these kids will split a marriage our divorce rate is high. Now for some reason i am awake. I maked excuses before that hes just a kid. He is a kid - just not a normal thinking one. I agree with all you have said. Im going to try to help. I only hope that i dont have to give him up. Being a parent stinks -but I'd rather give up my kid for 18 months than give him to the prison system some day for life. Today the lady at this health place told me there is a place not to far away that does in patient treatment but its for 6 months. I dont want my 5 year old gone that long. This isnt' about what YOU want this is about being the best parent you can be, sacrafice, and doing all you can to get this child well - it's a lifetime committment and if you start NOW - you "MAY" see change in him by the time he's 18. I hope to get him on some medications to maybe help with the ADHD and his aggression,impulse control. medications are not a cure all - and rarely work well alone without weekly therapy. If there was a pill out there that cured ADD or ODD or ADHD don't you think the rest of us would have bought it? Wishful thinking - but not realistic. Pills only HELP a child to hold themsleves together so that the therapy can sink in and eventually work. My son has been on 65 medications - he's 18 - nothing cured him. Did you ever have to have your child commited? Yes - 5 times to a psychiatric hosptial, 1 time to a group home 150 miles away for 10 months at age 10. 1 time to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) 200 miles away for 18 months. 1 time to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 12 months, then to a psychiatric hospital for 6 months, then back to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 13 months until he had to have surgery, then home for 6 weeks, then to a group home we had shut down, and then to jail, then back home, then to foster care. And several in between. Is my son going to do really awful things? He could - at this point his ability to consciously reason is kinked. Hes only 5 and hes been acting up since he was 3 and its getting worse. Is this from abuse? Do you know he was abused? It could be that he was just born like this no one knows for certain. All i want is my kid to be atleast a little bit happy. Then you have to make some tough decisions and grow a rhino hide to help him. It's not easy. Hes my only son. He makes such awful choices and i pray he doesnt do it when hes older. Praying alone doesn't hurt, but we are given free will - that includes the ability to get him into therapy and do whatever it takes to remap his brain and change his way of thinking which currently is skewed for whatever reason. Im thinking about him not going to Prison. Well I started with myson at age 4 in therapy on medications and he still got sent to jail when he was a teenager, but fortunately for us he didn't like it much and natural consequences were allowed to happen. Had we not gotten him help and all of us gone to therapy (step dad included) I was told my son would be dead or in prison now. My new husband keeps reminding me andrew needs help so he wont go to prison. He is correct, I'm sure he loves him, and you - and only wants what is right for your son. Im going to get this help anyway i have to. Im going to go to this appointment tomorrow VERY GOOD! and after that im headed down to the SSI office to see if they can help with funding. Well, that can take a long time and there has to be documented proof and history - if you took him out of therapy they may not think (like you did) that he has any more problems. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING KEEP A NOTEBOOK WITH TIMES phone numbers, people you talk to - names first, last....and follow up. DOCUMENTATION IS KEY TO GETTING HELP. I know that these therapist are very expensive. NO THEY ARE NOT - call your county mental health agency - every county has one - and they are free or on sliding scale. I thought andrew would grow out of this. Not likely. And it started 2 years ago. I know that my love isnt going to change him. It will help, but you have to get yourself some therapy too to KNOW what is going to be the best thing for YOU to say when your son does XYZ....don't fly blind - get all the help you can. Look what its done for him. NOTHING! No, it's done something - just not what YOU wanted it to do.....again, this is NOT about you not loving him enough -we assume he has a disorder by what you tell us. If it's your parenting? Then it's time to get into parenting classes and change the stuff that is wrong so that later on in life you can BOTH enjoy each other. Im not in denial anymore. Im more modivated now but my family and you guys. My husband was only angry when he would say andrew is a brat..and whatever. Either pay now, or pay later - the child is not a brat. Kids without legs do not just get up and walk because you will it or love them or pray that they will or call them names that do more harm than good. You have got to learn how to parent this child in a manner that he can understand. NOT everyone learns math in school the same way - so why should parenting be any different? Its almost like you adopted an alien baby - and now you love it, but you have got to learn how to communicate with him and because he dind't come with a dictionary or manual - you have to get to people who DO know how to communicate to help you - it's about that simple. I thought he was the 1 with the issues the last 2 years. (said laughing - maybe is is) Hes 52 so i thought he was a crab that didnt like kids to be honest. If he's never had any kids or he's had "perfect" or easy child children -your son is going to be QUITE a handful and a test of wills. He just doesn't know how to communicate with this kid. (mmmmm see what I wrote above about communication - sadly Mom's like us don't know how to communicate with them either and need help too) My fiance is 52 also - but my son is now 18 - no one knew how to talk to each other. We have fought for 2 years over andrew and i always stood behind andrew. You are setting yourself up for a disaster -remember what I wrote to you about kids manipulating and divide and conquer - for 2 years your son has had YOU backing him up on all his behaviors and KNOWS it. Time to stop. It's not about WHO is right - it's about knowing what is right and doing it,. When andrew is in trouble he screams for momma to save him. so he wont get introuble and thats only because i let him do this for so long. I have always felt sorry for him. Tell yourself the more you feel sorry for him the LONGER it will take for him to heal. The last month or so i have been trying so hard not to feel sorry for him anymore. This isn't something you can do on your own, again - seek family therapy. I thank you for your input and i am not offended. I wish someone would of told me a few years ago that my kid had serious problems. My husband did but i really though he was an angry ahole. I think we all do/did - lol some days I still think that. hahah.....snort...Thanks again Star. welcome. Maybe you can tell me a little more to expect from these kind of kids. Why wont they listen? They don't know how to listen - their entire coping mechanisms have been removed due to (in our case) violence, and misparenting. It's going to take a lifetime to retrain him in what he absorbed when he was little - the sooner you start the better off you will all be. And step dad HAS to be on board with this or your son will use his stubborn disapproval as a crutch saying "My moms dad hates me." - oh brother....he's put up with him for 2 years. My son tends to blow women off more then men. He will listen a little to my husband. Not too many women at all. That could be because most men are black and white - about their logic and NOT emotional. I love that and hate that in them - but for a kid - he may have some fear of men -it's hard to tell what your x did to him when they were running. I'm sure it could not have been good. It wasn't with mine either - and in six short months my x turned my kid into a monster and praised him for it. But it started with our arguing, my acceptance and return after being abused - so I got myself therapy, and then joined the family therapy and then did more individual EMDR therapy (like hypnosis for PTSD patients)