Apparently her luck NEVER runs out

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by elizabrary, Oct 14, 2011.

  1. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Really, can someone explain to me how these kids skate through life, receiving absolute miracles when they need it most? In one way, I'm happy for Kat that the stars have aligned for her, but on the other hand I'm just furious that she lives this irresponsible life, yet everything works out. As I posted earlier I threw her out a couple of weeks ago and she had called my mom. This is when my parents found out she did not have a working car. To be honest public transportation in our mid-sized town is weak and difficult to use. But such is life when you are an idiot. My parents called me and asked if I thought it would be ok and would be a help to Kat if they bought her a decent used car. Honestly, it would be a big help to her, but still basically you can treat me terrible, get thrown out of the house and get a car? So I told them, yes, especially with the baby. My parents can more than afford it, so ok. They were going to come down here and spend the day with me looking for an appropriate car, but then a family friend who owns several dealerships calls and tells them he found the car. It's a 2000 Impala owned by some elderly people who originally bought it new from him, only put 35,000 miles on it and traded it in for a new car. Then they pay for 6 months of insurance for her. She now has a nicer car than I do, with paid insurance. OK, it's a good break.

    Next she gets a full-time job with benefits at a daycare, 9-5 M-F, and is paid for her mileage driving to and from work. Finally she is accepted at an apartment complex. Granted, not the best in town, but still she has 2 evictions on her credit and no real stable job until a few days ago. St. Vincent DePaul is giving her a used living room set, kitchen table and new beds for her and the baby. So you can lose all your personal possessions and someone will replace them for free.

    Don't get me wrong- these are all good things, and who knows? Maybe this will get her on her feet and help get her head straightened out. But seriously, why have I worked so hard my whole life and still struggle on occassion to pay the bills, etc. It's frustrating. Not to be bitter because I know these are good things for her. But seriously????
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Yeah, I know. We have to bust our behinds for the smallest things... And they get it all.

  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Not always.

    I've seen it go both ways. Either...
    1) they've finally actually grown up, and are getting a leg-up, and it sticks... OR
    2) they haven't changed a bit, in which case, its only a matter of time before things go boom again.

    If its 2, at least it isn't your stuff this time. If its 1... they will eventually come back and thank you for forcing them to grow up.

    And even then... give it another 10 or 20 years. You have no idea what HER kid(s) are going to put her through before she's done.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know...but try to look at it positively. maybe this will be her turnaround point. It takes Cory being really down though to dig back up. People here can attest to the dump he first lived in. Literally holes in the floor. It really shouldnt have been allowed to have been rented to anyone. He is getting better living conditions now though even though he has really low income.

    I will keep my fingers crossed that this works out. With a daycare job she should be able to take KK along with her. That will be good.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member took me to 21 to grow up and it was having kids that did it. Even my first kid didnt quite do it though that whole experience was a nightmare in and of itself. If he had been normal and the marriage had worked, I would have been fine. When I met Tony at 21, I totally did a 180. Yeah my kids were difficult child's and my life has been hard but it is what it is.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Turnaround point is usually between 20 and 25... my bro was 27.

    Hoping that we got difficult child's turnaround point already...!
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Elisbray, Your parents gave her the car but she got the job and the apartment and the furniture voucher from St Vincents. I see some real positives here. She is doing things to make her lot in life better. Hopefully this is the beginning of something good. -RM
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sweetie, I think we got twins. I hear ya, ohhhhhhh man how I hear ya!!!:consoling:
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well...can someone tell me how to get all these things?

    I need a ramp for my front door. A lower sink in my kitchen. A bar stool, and it would be much better if it had wheels. It needs to be about 30 inches high so I can sit on it to wash dishes and cook.

    I managed to buy a kitchen table so once I manage to remove my island I can put the table at the end of my kitchen so I have some space to work but its not in the middle of the kitchen. Oh and I could use a used stove that has more than one eye that works! Right now I use the one eye, an electric frying pan and a deep fryer. Thankfully the oven still works. I cant replace the eyes because its one of those stupid ceramic top stoves.

    Im kidding but it does irritate me. I never managed to get all this sort of free stuff. When I did get hand me down stuff it was from my dad and it was stuff like the TV that used to be in my room when I lived with them. My old stereo. Now I do have to give him props that he gave me his buick when they were going to turn it in on a new car in 2001. The dealer was only going to give him 500 for it so he gave it to me instead. It was an 89 buick and so comfy! Only bad thing was the air didnt work.
  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Some difficult children are just like this - unfortunately they lose it as quickly as they got it. My X was like this - he could rustle up anything at anytime. He was a master. But they whatever money he got, or things he found, he would turn back around and sell or spend within weeks. It was the most maddening whirlwind one could ever imagine. He still is like this - and oddly alive - after about a dozen run ins with death, hep c, alcoholic, no job, etc, etc. He still manages to sponge off a roommate for a place to live, and lord knows how he eats, but he manages. I don't know - it must be an almost "charismatic" trait they were born with - that if used correctly they could be very successful.
  11. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    I know- I want free stuff, too. But I work my butt off for everything I get. I think also it is bothering me because had I behaved like her my parents would have absolutely disowned me, yet they buy her a car! It's ridiculous. I just hope it helps turn her around, although so far in her life she can only sustain a positive lifestyle for about 3 months, then everything falls apart. I'm hoping this time it sticks and she gets herself straightened out for KK's sake!
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Janet, for the wheelchair ramp ect you can try community action. Ours will help with small home repairs like that.

    As for all the free stuff, I know where to get them and how, I just figure there is always someone worse off than me who could really use the stuff. Not Katie. The shelter rounded up 2 twin bed, a pull out sofa (double bed), entertainment center, Alex's teacher helped get her some dishes and pots and pans ect and she had the nerve to complain that no one gave her dressers or a kitchen table. I told her to watch for when people move out and dumpster dive like most people too poor to buy it. lol

    If I don't know how to get it, I know who to generally go to in order to find out. Most I've found out by helping other people who were in desperate need of stuff. I usually give to these places too unless I can find someone I know who can really use it.

    We have a really helpful community action here. If they don't do it they can generally help you find those that can and do.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911

    earn v. earned, earn-ing, earns. 1. To gain esp. for the perfomance of service, labor or work.

    free adj, without charge. (really?)

    Let's see; shall we?

    I earned the money for a car, and I took that car out into a field and set it on fire. Now I have no way to get to work. Foolish I know, but I earned the money for it, and I can do what I want with that car. True or false? (Logistically speaking) - True. If you wanted to set that car on fire (barring the fire department thinking you were kookoo) you could do what you wanted with it. No one would have a say in it's demise, or have a real opinion on how you got to work, nor would they be able to say I can't loan you the money for a new car, because the last monies we loaned you for a car - you took that car and set it on fire.

    Lets talk your about your furniture and everything else in your house the you have earned? Drag it out front, set it on fire and let it burn to the ground. Roast hot dogs on it if you want. Again (barring the fire dept. involvement) not a single person can tell say "Eliza we GAVE you that stuff for free you can't do that." You can do as you dang well please when you earn it all on your onesies.

    However; take the free car, drive it to a field, set it on fire. See if anyone that gave you that car will EVER give you anything for free again. If you drag the furniture out from St. Vincent DePaul and stick a match to it and a donor drives by while you are being a nut? Do you think there will be any more freebies for you? Not likely.

    As for the job? Well that's up to her to keep have one -----you know what's involved in keepin a job. Getting up, going every day - being responsible, not calling out when you feel sick.....or just don't want to go, or the wind blows wrong. Meah......So if she makes it? Goood.....for.......Oh what you don't think I get the jist of what you're saying that some people fall face down in dog diddle and get up with a million dollar contract for some neuvo-pseudo Beverly Hills face regeneration mask? Yeah - Yeah I get that - but don't envy this.......I mean - If it passes? It's another "Oh well look I knew it. and if it works? Golly who gets the credit for throwing her out for the TOugh love?

    See??? You just gotta think like a detached MOm............Grab the Glory Girlllllllllfriend........Either way? You're a ;winner and aren't putting up with dog diddle..........Hey diddle diddle! Know what I mean??

    And don't get ANY IDEAS about your car, a field and a book of matches........I'm sure YOUR parents aren't going to be in the mood for automobile purchase part deux.......but then again.....if you throw your mattress on top? NO NO NO.........

    LET IT GOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    LET IT gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
  14. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Star- you're so right. I must take the glory either way! And the grapes in my mouth are tasting rather sour, so I should move on and keep my life going in the right direction. And I appreciate my car, crappy furniture, tiny house, etc. too much to watch them burn because I did EARN them!