Argh! Mean, rude, passive aggressive and downright ornery

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Dec 22, 2011.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    WTH? difficult child has been so awful lately. I took away the TV cord because he was so rude the other day, and told him that he has to finish his soc studies project over Christmas break. It was broken into 4 parts, and he only did one of the first 3, and now has to do the final part, which is word definitions, using the words in sentences, and putting pics with-ea one, then putting them in a folder. Big deal. Well, to him, it is and between anxiety, laziness and obstinacy it's been a battle.
    He has been refusing to turn off the TV (usually a game, limited to one game because he planned poorly with-his birthday gift money from his grandmother), refusing to get off of his phone, and calling me a b*tch and other names.
    Last night he shouted at me and followed me around while I tried to wrap Christmas presents for his teachers and I finally broke into tears and went to bed.
    This a.m., he overslept, then listened to music with-ear phones so he couldn't hear me and deliberately missed the bus. "We don't have to go today."
    "I didn't get a recording on the machine or an email. You are going."
    "All they're doing it making gingerbread houses and I'm allergic."
    OMG. So negative. Then, "I'm not bringing in that bag." (Gifts for the teachers.)
    As he got out of the car, I told him to bring in the bag or he'd be grounded from the TV cord until we get home from Calif.
    "I'm not going to California!"
    Oh, yeah, he says he's afraid of flying, and he hates being with-his cousins.
    Could he be any more negative?
    I am so sick of this.
    Ho ho ho.
    Thanks for listening.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't know how you deal with that verbal abuse from him.

    It's too bad you can't leave him here with someone and not take him to CA.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Terry, I swear we could switch kids sometimes and we wouldn't know it had happened until we looked at them! So frustrating that every single thing is the opposite. Q usually says the opposite but does the right thing while he is saying/denying things. Still it can wear me down. And the in my face stalking until I want to just jump out a window??? Yeah, I get that too.

    If Q misses the bus (but for him missing school is the end of the world so I have leverage) for behavior reasons, then he is not allowed to do anything other than school type activities at home until school hours are over. It has only happened twice in 6 years but it made such a huge impression he talks about it every week. ("oh wait, if I dont get ready then I will not be able to watch sports or play right mom? ok I better hurry... etc). Your son sounds like his ability is much higher than Q but some of the behaviors are so similar, the name calling over every single thing.

    Just letting you know I get how hard that is. Sad to say there are times I just am so used to it I barely hear it. Who lives like that? well, we do I guess. I know he didn't choose this disability. But doesn't mean I have to like it.
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Hmmmm...maybe your son was at my house last night because difficult child was in the exact same mood. Rude, nasty, mean to easy child. There are just days when I would gladly move him out of this house for good. I'm sorry it went so badly. I know that with the holidays being right around the corner they tend to get more and more into difficult child mode.

    I hope today is better.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Ugh! I wonder if the stress of the upcoming holiday is causing him to be more ornery than usual?

    Hope this afternoon is a little more peaceful...
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Sounds like burnout.

    The first 4 months of school have drained our kids - both of them - and we're going into "shut-down mode" for the break.
    No travel, no guests, no big entertainment things, nothing except relax and recover.

    Because if we don't... burnout will carry over and destroy the rest of the school year.

    But yes, it IS really hard to take when they get to that point.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    thank you refused to take gifts to his teachers this year. "Mom, I don't like any of them enough to want to hassle iwth it. The other kids, the hoover-ups, can do that." He actually SAID hoover-ups because he will NOT cuss around me, lol.

    I didn't push because they are his teachers, not mine. He can't stand one of them, and didn't feel he could give the other teachers gifts and skip her and he woudl NOT give her anything but maybe used chewing gum, he thinks she is that bad.

    I hope things get better. Some of our kdis don't do well with all of the routine changes at the holidays.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all.

    Hoover-ups? LOL, Susiestar!!

    I know he didn't choose this disability. But doesn't mean I have to like it.

    Good news! The psychiatrist called tonight and rescheduled our late Jan. appointment to Jan 4 and will probably put difficult child on some new medications. I wrote him a long note the other day and he got it. :) Fingers crossed.
  9. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Aghhh.....I wanted to post exactly the same! I can't stand this rude, abusive, disrespectfull swearing, burping oppositional behaviour anymore!
    We were away on holiday for 19 days! So we are all tired!!!!!
    He got it in his head this morning to go to the skate park today.....we can't, I 've got so much to do!!!!!
    Good luck!!!!
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Yeesh! Do you think he's depressed? He sure sounds like he is out of sorts and angry at the world. He is certainly being defiant. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but all I can offer is my empathy and lots of hugs. I hope he lightens up for you for the holidays...
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Lovelyboy, I can imagine! That's a long time. Now you have to decompress.

    Yes, MWM, I think he may be depressed. And easily overwhelmed. And then he barks back. I'm willing to try anything at this point.
  12. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Oh so sorry! Do you think the up-coming routine changes, the fact that he has been in so much hot water lately, school stuff hanging over his head has just got him cranky as all get out? My son would get poopy spells at this age too, never the name calling, but he was thinking it! We did a little stint on antidepressents at age 14 or 15 (can't remember) it helped get him over the hump-what ever was causing it. Why do we become the "whipping boys"?
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You were gone nineteen days??!!!
    Ummm... we can't even manage 19 hours, most of the time.
    And when we do manage a familiar 10-day trip... it takes 2 weeks to get things back on an even keel.

    difficult child kids seem to need at least 100x more structure and routine than "normal" kids (whatever normal is).
    And, of course, most difficult child kids fight against structure, tooth and nail, 24/7.
  14. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    LOL for the first time the light goes on about why I'm so confused!!!!!They need structure but they oppose structure! Yip makes sense to me!!!!!
    Yes the first 4-5 days were son thinks the way to connect with his long time not seen grandparents is burping, swearing...being dominating....I know it's alot to do with anxiety...then just as he got into a routine, we went home.....behaviour flaring up again! Now it's counting down time for new grade, new teacher, new friends!!!!Oh....we ghg-parents doesn't have one boring day go by!!!!X
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    They need structure but they oppose structure! Yip makes sense to me!!!!!

    I agree.
    So sorry about Grandma and Grandpa. :(