Just received a call from the jail that 20yo difficult child was arrested at 1:30 a.m. this morning for underage drinking and supplying alcohol to minors. This is his second underage drinking offense. His first was just over a year ago at college, before he flunked out. He's been in his own apartment for less than 8 weeks. He actually has a decent job right now, so husband wanted to post bond so that at least he doesn't lose his job (just got off of his 90-day probationary period) on top of this mess. BUT . . . he is going to make difficult child immediately pay as much as is in his bank account himself (we would pay the balance), and then require him to turn over his tax refund, which he is expecting this week. Vent Warning: I am SO sick of his reckless, stupid, defiant choices! I can't stand this any more. Every week, there is some new drama. Just Thursday night, he ended up in the ER for some supposed work injury. He can't make it 6 months without some major accident of some sort. He is arrogant, narcissistic, selfish, lacking in empathy, a braggart, and just plain difficult to be around for any length of time. He enjoys being completely different than husband and me. He is proud of it. We don't drink or have any alcohol in the house - ever. And few people in our family drink either. We don't smoke or do drugs, and we've kept our marriage strong for over 20 years. We have tried SO hard to give him a good life and rescue him from what would have been in his bio home, but he throws it all away. And laughs and smirks about it all the while. I wonder if this will even phase him. I realize this is ultimately his problem and we need to detach. We have been working very hard on financially and emotionally detaching. I question whether we should even have posted bond, but we know that difficult child cannot replace a job like the one he has, so we decided to pay, with the requirement that he immediately repay us. For anyone who has been-there-done-that, how have you coped with this sort of thing emotionally? And how do you handle the judgment from family, friends, and coworkers, and maybe even yourself, etc.? I am disappointed, not just because of this occurrence, but because of the many, many things that have happened over the years that paint a picture of who difficult child really is, and it is not honorable at all. I don't like what I see. I don't think it is just a phase. I am grieving. But how could I be grieving the loss of something we never had in the first place? I don't think difficult child loves us at all. He never did. He uses us. He enjoys hurting us. What am I grieving? I don't even know, but it feels like grief. Maybe it's the loss of what will never be.