Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mattsmom277, Jul 6, 2011.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Police on phone now. He's arrested. Not denying it. Will update when I'm done on phone. Overwhelmed.
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Please tell me you mean your father and not your son.
  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Regards to me: Charged with incest, sex with child under 14, several sexual assault etc.
  4. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Incest, intercourse femail under 14 and sexual assault and maybe another sexual assault for me
    Rape, incest, intercourse under 14, indecent assault x2, sexual assault for others. More charges pending.
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest


    Great work, know it was hard on you.
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm very proud of you for seeing this through. {{{Hugs}}}
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    So, he's not denying? Is he going to give a confession? (probably too much to hope for but he might if he thinks he could make a "deal" )

    Sooooo PROUD of YOU!!! I know this was so very hard.

  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

  9. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    You faced your demons and slayed your dragons...many hugs to you honey!

  10. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Sorry Im not really capable of explaining well, I'm overflowing with emotion. The first list of charges is in regards to me, the second are all in relation to my one aunt. There are 6 outstanding victims that are yet to be charged, he is aware they are coming, they just are awaiting signatured paperwork. He showed up on his own to police for appointment and before was told why he was there he said he knew why he was there, started to cry, said he lived as a monster due to alcohol and it was no longer who he is. They said read this and handed our facebook conversation that facebook sent under supboena. He said no i already know what it says and i'm not here to argue for myself. They said then what charges were being laid and booked him, told him how many more are coming. he saw this coming and has a lawyer although never did bring him to the police station with him which speaks volumes in my humble opinion. He carried on coversation that hurts him in a court but stopped shor tof admission, cried off and on, then said meekly you know i can't answer anything more on advice of my lawyer. They told him his options including pleading. They told him only he knows how many more might turn up after the papers catch wind and his name is out there, but if he pleads perhaps something can be done to prevent further charges based on a plea. He was released on strict bail terms all of which terms I agree with whole heartedly. He is homeless, he lives with a woman, children in the picture, a term of release is not around children, so he said i have nowhere to go, its all over. His city police were told if he commits suicide (his pattern in the past to attempt to do and the cop seemed to feel may well happen) she is to be called night or day and she says she'll notify me immediately. First court appearance and first chance to plea for him is Aug. 16. Local police are to contact me tomorrow or the next day to get victim witness team involved to get my statement ready for victim impact statement, transport me to his hearings etc. Whew. There's more, I'm all over the place and I'm sure you all understand why. Another couple days max and the papers will have it I'm sure and I better get a grip before the phone starts to ring.

    I have no clue how to begin to feel right now. The scope of the severity of charges shocked even me. I never imagined this level of support and acknowledgement. The only thing I do know is that this may be the only time I've ever truly felt proud of a accomplishment.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so proud of you, and so thrilled that you got to see this day. You worked HARD for this, and have come through so much. Feel FREE to PM if you need to talk/vent/let it out. I think that you will need to be gentle with yourself as you process and also that you should feel so proud of yourself. This was such a hard thing to experience and triumph over, and you have, and then you went ahead adn fought for his arrest anyway so that other young women would be safe. Because of YOU, YOUR EFFORTS AND PAIN, maybe 100 young women will NOT be assaulted by him.

    THAT is one heck of an accomplishment. Especially in such a young person as you! I know a lot of much older people who have accomplished NOTHING near that.

    I know this is hard, and if he won't take a plea then the trial will also be hard. Know that we are not just here for you now, we will be here for you through each and every single step of this - even long after it is over.
  12. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    On a side bar, I read your messages to S/O, he tried to inject lightness to the mood of the moment and said "Just how young do they think you are". God I love this man for the way he knows just when to insert a joke.

    Thank you all. Susie, I imagine I will be taking you up on a PM when I'm able to process a bit, I'm still shell shocked.
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    This has been such a long time coming! Good for you for sticking up for yourself!
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Your strength throughout this has been amazing. Many, many hugs.
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Just so you know, unless he confesses, you've still got a long hard road ahead. If you're currently not seeing a therapist/ might want to consider it, someone safe for you to vent to and sob on and oh well you know. Because unless he confesses, there will be ugliness involved, and it's going to not only cause a roller coaster ride of new emotions but dredge up the past ones as well......even if you've dealt with them before. A good therapist can help you during the process.

    Honestly? I wouldn't be surprised if you're notified he attempted suicide. If he's mentally unstable it will muck up the trial process......and well......he's a manipulator as well as an abuser. That's how they work as you well know.

    I'm so very glad your husband is so supportive and knows when a dash of humor can do the most good.

    Not trying to damper your success because this is HUGE. Just trying to be realistic and prepare you for what may come. You know how the press can be and there will always be people who will refuse to believe no matter what evidence you drown them with......and some of those types can turn vicious. If you remember that at the onset, it will be easier to face it down if it comes your way.

    And always know we've totally got your back.

  16. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Thank you Lisa, very true all you are saying. I do know this is no slam dunk yet it in itself is a victory even in that he didn't deny it and did answer some questions and offer excuse of alcohol and whatnot and that is admissable if trials occur. I fully expect that there is likely a long rough road ahead. I'll have to find healthy ways to cope including support of professionals should he buck up and try to ward this off, but for today I'm going to try to focus on the moment, it is a day many have waited decades for. The obstacles ahead may well be very difficult and I'm very grateful for the support of all of you here, more than I can express. The local police victim assistance team are to be in touch at request of the detective who laid the charges from the other cities police department. I know they'll have good info on therapists in the area etc as well as be a source in themselves of support and I'm very grateful that this detective had it all set up before she even called me. I heard such satisfaction in the detectives voice and her passion to ensure justice itself is a reward of sorts. I'm so grateful that someone like her was assigned and the crown attorney sounds like a replica of her. Regarding things he might pull, nothing with him would surprise me.
  17. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    ((((Hugs)))) So proud of you and your amazing strength.
  18. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Whew, more things mentioned by the detective. Some of these charges are offenses as outlined in the year they occurred which complicates matters of some of these charges are no longer the terms used in todays new sex offense laws along with a change in sentencing. One huge strange thing is the charges regarding my aunt will honest to goodness be held in front of a juvenile court judge as he was not yet 18 at the time he offended against her. Imagine 30+ years ago under young offender legislation, the sentence upon conviction must be what was available at time of his crime so this set of serious charges unfortunately cannot provide a stiff sentence. It is a bizarre system that exists but it is probably the same internationally as laws developed and changed and in one way make sense, yet in another, its odd to imagine these scope of charges regarding my aunt warranting a young offender conviction and slap on the wrist but such is life. With regards to me, the laws had changed and the charges can stand under current laws, although I remain uncertain about one of them which I don't recall hearing in the media in other cases and can't say for sure as of yet if it is still on our law books, the incest charge. Apparently our laws under which offenses charged regarding me fall under current day rules and can carry quite a stiff sentence. We apparently have a tiered type system to various sexual assault charges, differentiated between degrees of harm (ie. using weapons, force, and other factors). I don't know the sentence guidelines in these charges if convicted or in event of a plea. I do know that it is a far more serious charge on the intercourse with a child under 14 than a charge against a adult.

    The detective told me she's been in contact with the child protective services in my little sisters area and that they were awaiting her update on a arrest (she's calling when office opens tomorrow). Apparently the agency did speak to my sister and she refuses to talk about my father and says that she agrees with her mom that she doesn't want to know anything about our father and crimes. Unfortunately this means that when it hits the community, this news, and the papers if that happens, that she has no support from her mother to cope with the emotions bound to occur especially in a 13 year olds little mind, upon hearing he is a monster and the community knows etc. I have to believe that child protection will ensure that her mother is made to ensure my sister gets support and help through this as there is little hope in her very tiny community of a couple of thousand people, that it won't be common knowledge quite quickly. I wish so much that she was not yanked from my life. I miss her horribly and hate to think her alone in coping with all of this.

    The detective said that if it is published in paper it could lead to unknown victims coming forward yet there is a problem in that the nature of the charges identify potentially the identify of the victims (so far the charges point to myself and my aunt but further charges for others may also identify them). If "incest" is listed as to his charges, it violates a duty to protect the identity of victims. She said she was going to contact the newspaper to discuss if they can publish a court report on the charges with more vague wording such as listing the offenses that don't identify family as victims and tack on something like "and X amount of other various sexual offenses). I'm torn in that I know many will know anyhow it is family related (although not all victims were family) and the idea that others might learn of the case and may come forward for justice for themselves. Another side of me wants him named and shamed. I was told also that although a paper cannot publish anything that could point to identity of victims such as the incest charge, these charges are a matter of public record and therefore victims are entitled to permit the publication of charges relating to them should they waive the protection available with the laws to prevent publication. I have to sleep on that, and likely for a while, I can't make that decision overnight or without guidance and a lot of foresight.

    Finally, I think I've now nearly covered all she covered with me tonight aside from some dialogue she and he had in which he denied none of her statements. Under terms of his release pending court he cannot contact me or any other victims, he cannot enter my town, my aunts town, other towns of victims which are listed by name, with the exception of attending any court proceedings in those cities. He cannot be in the presence of anyone under the age of 16 without adult supervision, he cannot consume alcohol and he cannot leave his area of residence (meaning he cannot relocate or leave town). There were other conditions and I'm blanking out but that's the gist of them for the most part.

    I spoke to my foster mother who was the person I first disclosed this too back in the time it occurred as a young teen, she had taken me to file charges at that time and tonight I learned via the detective that the police locally here have my statement on file from then with ZERO notes as to any investigation, nothing but notes and dates of me running away from foster homes or being in trouble with the law myself. So obviously they disregarded my statement based on the fact that I was no model young woman back then. It felt good to share this step made today with his arrest with the person who has remained in my life and stood up for me without loyalty and love and understanding for all of these years. She kept repeating oh my god Melissa oh my god you said it all of these years, you were screaming for something to be done and you did it. It cannot make up for a lack of parenting from both my biological parents but to hear her tell me she was proud of me and how glad she is to hear that this is all coming out into the public eye now even if she felt it should have been done years ago.

    Whew! So indeed the path ahead likely will not be smooth and I can't kid myself that this is going to be speedy or result in him pleading guilty. Yet there are signs he may, and one never knows. He was not picked up by this detective. he was given a chance to attend the police station to meet this detective for a "interview" (she drove 8 hours to his town, thus the late night call to me when she arrived back home). He showed up on time and although he stated he'd spoken to a lawyer, he arrived without a lawyer knowing he would be questions, although perhaps he thought it was limited to the cases involving me only, yet still it was insane for him to attend without a lawyer since he had a chance to call his to go with him. He told them before they said why they were there that he knew why he was there and he blamed alcohol for his actions and although he didn't come out and admit to anything, he didnt deny it and did answer questions, cry at times, and did so knowing from previous arrest experience that the interview was taped and admissable to court, yet not once did he say "I did not do that" or "That's a lie". Instead he answered questions in ways that showed he owned up to all of it and wasn't shocked at his arrest or the litany of charges laid and still pending to be laid. He expressed desire to find peace and the detective said your victims want peace too and she then explained his options legally including pleading and giving himself that peace as well as victims and he cried and then finally said i can't answer that based on my lawyer saying to not talk type thing. But he never was beligerent and rather it sounds he sat there accepting the accusations, and perhaps a sense of relief to just get this interview over with and the charges laid. So indeed its been on his mind and he's been fearful since the day I wrangled the confession from him, where as I figured he had thought it all gone away and nothing would come of it since a few months have passed. I was very wrong apparently. From the sounds of it, he handled himself as a broken man aware of his history and crimes and although blaming alcohol (in spite of 13+ years of sobriety during which time he offended against me, my former step sister and others without alcohol in the mix) he seemed to show a resignation that his day of reckoning had come and there was no way out of it now.

    Given his inability to afford his own lawyer, he certainly won't be ending up hiring a team of legal beagles to get him off. He will have a legal aid appointed attorney and obviously that person will work hard for their client, but it sounds like he may just be ready to face his life is winding down, he is in poor health, the gig is up, and its time to face his lumps. A girl can hope at least right?
  19. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm so glad that the detective was able to give you so much info tonight. I hope he takes a plea and serves a lot of time without having to drag y'all through a long trial.
  20. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm so proud of you. I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. I hope your load is a bit lighter today knowing he's arrested, and the police know everything he did. ((((GIANT HUGS)))