Arrrgh! I want to strangle him

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TerryJ2, Jan 21, 2015.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    He skipped an exam today. Here are the emails.

    -----Original Message-----
    To: t
    Sent: Wed, Jan 21, 2015 9:13 am

    Is difficult child sick? His exam day is today, they are finishing their stop motion assignment for their final exam….his group is here, but he is not. Just wanted to check with you, absences have to be cleared through the office for exam week.


    Wed, Jan 21, 2015 10:12 am
    Edit Draft Re: he is driving back to talk to you [​IMG]
    Terry to [​IMG]m
    From [​IMG] T

    We discussed this with him last night. I am very upset. He didn't think he had an exam but we told him he at least needed to go in and get in for a head-count.
    He just called me and said we made it a suggestion rather than a command.
    Not my fault; HIS fault. I am very upset with him.
    Thank you for letting me know.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    His excuse is: "I DIDN'T KNoooooWW!"
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    And another couple of emails:

    From: M W
    Sent: Wed, Jan 21, 2015 10:13 am
    Subject: RE: he is driving back to talk to you

    It’s too late now…his group turned in the project without him because I told them if he wasn’t here it is his fault. He is correct in that he did not have a written exam but this is their final project…and they did not finish it last week.

    Dear Ms. W,
    I am sorry to hear that.
    But he still needs to go back.
    Let the chips fall where they may.

    -----Original Message-----
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Excuse me while I vent again--

    Thank you. I needed that.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    He texted me that he is back in the bldg. and he didn't know.
    I texted that I was glad he went back ... and now go to the office and pick a new class to make up the lost credit.
    (Because he won't get credit for an F)
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    A--aaaaannnnnd he's mad because I got mad about photography mess-up. His next text said, sarcastically, "And I passed Psychology, thanks for asking."
    I texted back and explanation that one does not negate the other.
  7. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    You handled this very well.

    It is not an easy thing to keep our own emotions out of it when our kids commit senseless acts in public and we feel responsible.

    He is 18.

    You are not responsible for his choices or his actions.

    He is.

    You did your part.

    I especially liked the way you told him to go to the office to register for the class. That was a master stroke.

    Bad situation.

    Good job.

  8. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    You handled it well.

    They are so good at splitting hairs.

    Take some slow deep breaths. You survived another episode.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    If "survival" means being deeply disappointed and depressed, then I have survived.
    At least difficult child came straight home after school to do a load of wash and write a conciliatory note.
    I had texted him that I expected his room clean and laundry done b4 I awoke from a nap. (The dogs woke me at 4.30 a.m. and then difficult child's escapade put me over the edge, so I indulged in a nap.)
    I bet he's at someone's house playing video games.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Just checked online.
    He flunked his math exam.
    I've got to stop torturing myself with this. It's just that I want him to graduate from HS before he's 20. :sad-very::praying:
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Terry, is he getting any help per his IEP? He probably has real trouble with keeping up with school and it's up to the school to keep helping him, regardless of his age. I hope your son graduates too. He has a lot going for him, in spite of making some Asspie errors (cough, cough). I think you have done a great job and molded him into a person who does care about others and doing the right thing. It's just hard for him to DO the right thing and, like so many Aspies, he is gullible and easily lead...and now he's into girls. A bad combination, but keep fighting for him. You are doing a fantastic job. Your son may lie to get out of trouble, but he is hardly the worst kid on the planet! In fact, considering he is an aspie, he is holding his own.
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Why is he driving the car?
  13. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Awwww Terry, I feel bad for you. Just having graduated from the teenage world myself, it is crisp in my memory........your posts bring it all do we survive their teenage years without either strangling them or having a nervous breakdown? Go have a massage! (like every single day!)
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all.
    husband gave him back the car Wed, Thur and Friday because one grade had already come up, the alcohol was not actively imbibed in our car. difficult child also de-friended his new friend because of the drinking episode.
    And his old girlfriend, D, was at our house tonight, studying history with-difficult child. SHOCK.
    Now that difficult child has flunked his math test and his photography final project, we will have to take the car away again. He's been medication compliant all weekend and all week, and has been doing chores--bringing in outside trash, doing laundry, etc. He's moving back into our lives, sitting at the kitchen table with us and talking (one of my pet peeves is when he eats by himself or with-a friend on the couch in the other room, and then leaves and sits on his bed and plays hand-held video games instead of studying. I am always the b*tch.).

    I personally didn't want to give him back the car until he had resolved the MdDonald's issue. He still hasn't officially been told he's fired. I will go in with him and read a book in the back while he talks to the mgr if that's what it takes. Just get it overwith!
  15. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You're a really good mom Terry.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you.

    I am so confused.

    Last weekend, he and his ex-girlfriend, D, returned all items they had given one another. Everything from clothing to electronics.
    Last night, she came over to help him study for World History. They sat on the couch together and their ankles were intertwined. She left her Xbox here (which was nice, because the remote has been lost and the only way we can watch movies is through the Xbox). But it implies that she will be back.

    Today, difficult child came home at lunchtime, having finished three exams ... with-H, the Muslim friend, with whom he exchanges hickies but is NOT a girlfriend.

    I just smile cluelessly and say, "Hi." :confused:
  17. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  19. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Girl you have a revolving door of drama going on right there! LOL

    I hope you get him figured out soon and he gets himself figured out as well. HOT MESS! HEHEHE atleast that what my teen would call it.
  20. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    How funny, Terry. I give up long ago trying to make sense of my older children's love lives.

    To be totally honest, I'll bet he goes back to D. H. just sounds like a girl who will give him what he wants in some ways (trying to be discreet) and being eighteen, well, he's at his peak for that. She's trouble. More trouble than your difficult child.

    Not too long ago, my daughter broke up with a boyfriend from heaven. I couldn't believe it. He treated her like a queen, and, although she is not materialistic, he'd buy her things like Ugg boots, $300 headphones, and let her drive his car. His family adored her. But she broke up with him. She has never explained why. I did tell her, way before she broke up with him, t hat she should NEVER break up with him because there aren't many people as nice as he is. And his family is also nice and functional and I believe it could have gone on and on. But she did break up with him and he begged her not to. Sure enough, about two months later and two months too late, she decided she still loved him and wanted him back, but he was spooked by how much she had hurt him and it will never happen. WHY DID SHE DO IT???? She is still upset about it. She told none of her friends why. They asked ME why. I couldn't answer.

    She has not dated anyone since. I don't know if it's because nobody asked her out or because she is done dating for a while. She says she is done dating for a while. I do think she had a few chances, one with another very sweet guy. And she is not interested in bad boys. I don't ask anymore. I get the famous "Mo--ther!!!!!"

    All I can say is teens are learning about life and sometimes make bad decisions that they regret. Fortunately for your son it sounds like D. is willing to come back as soon as he boots H. And I think either he will boot H. or H. will boot him when she gets tired of using him for his....charms.

    Ugh. Welcome to Teenage Dating 101!!!