At peace today

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Heavy hearted, Aug 14, 2018.

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  1. Heavy hearted

    Heavy hearted Member

    Surprisingly, today has been a
    peaceful one. I wasn't quite sure of myself going back to work. I have thought about my son often today, but remain ok. God has taken control and has given me the strength that I haven't felt in a long time. I want to thank God 1st, and then all of you that have taken time to keep my head up. I am not see saying that I'm really ok and everything is great. Just saying right now I am at peace. Like most of you on this site, I feel blessed to have stumbled across this site when searching for help. You all have helped so many people.
    Hugs and prayers to all
    Heavy hearted
     
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  2. Snow White

    Snow White Temporarily in the Magic Kingdom

    Heavy hearted - I am glad to hear that you are having a peaceful day. Sometimes, those are really hard to come by. And often, getting back into some sort of 'routine' helps. Keeps our feet moving one step in front of the other and occupies the mind somewhat.

    When I start dwelling too much on my daughter and overthinking things, I try to shift focus back to my inner self, my family and friends. Being at this site helps affirm that trying to find my own happiness is ok. I struggle with that sometimes - thinking that if our daughter is in turmoil, then I do not deserve to be happy. The problem with that is that she is almost always in turmoil, which would mean I could never be happy.

    Hopefully, each day forward is peaceful for you. And you, too, have helped many people. It's a big circle!

    Hugs to you.
     
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  3. Heavy hearted

    Heavy hearted Member

    mcdonna
    In the past, I could not enjoy a lot of things. I would feel guilty if my husband and I would go out to eat. ( constantly wondering if my son was hungry) I would go shopping with my daughter and felt guilty if I purchased a new outfit. (wondering if my son had a decent shirt), etc. He would always be on my mind (and still is). On my break today, I tried to remember all the wonderful memories of my son when he was younger. It made me smile. He was so much fun to be around. Then drugs, drinking, peer pressure and just plain evil pulled into the darkness. One day at a time, one day at a time. Pray he will turn his heart over to God. That's the only way he will make it through this.
     
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  4. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    I understand Heavy hearted. I am working on peace as well. I bought some olive branches (fake) from the hobby store last night and put them in a vase next to my favorite picture of him as a boy last night. Noone got what I was doing but me and that's ok. Olive branches mean peace. It made me feel a little better. Silly I know.
     
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  5. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    My opinion.

    Unless it truly sooths your hurting heart, remove the man as a child in pictures. It can keep us thinking of them as that cute little boy and forget they are no longer that little boy. Then it is hard to think of them as grown men who have shed that child long ago. We forget who they are and remember who they were, sweet children.

    Almost all young children,.except for a very few mentally ill children, are sweet as candy, adore us, and sometimes we believe they will always be that in love with us and be cuddly and generous. My son once left dandeleins on my desk as a special surprise and I smile at the eight year old boy who followed me around to hug me. He snuggled on.my lap all the time. He was also cold and defiant at times but I chalked that up to youth and knew he would outgrow ir. He was my best fried (his words).

    The man who that child grew into can be a pain and is very self centered. We are close as far as he calls every day,but he doesnt really talk about anything not pertaining to him. My dad was like this too. Heredity? If its not about Son, he gets bored. He IS a wonderful father and will talk nonstop about his son too so that is a big plus for him. But he isnt intetested in anyone but them. He never asks how anyone is. A phone call starts in about his latest angst not even with a "hi."

    So I get my family warmth, comfort and socializing from my husband and three other adult children. I have a fun, cute, smart granddaughter too and a son in law to be, very nice and fun. My son.is not that cute little boy now and it has hurt him. I dont even know if he realizes how much it has hurt him. He wants a support system but doesnt have one as he ignores his siblings and father and it is sometimes trying for me to nonstop talk about his dramatic life, but I do it because he is my son. I love him.

    But nobody else will do it and he is not a child. At 40 he is who he is.

    I dont have baby pictures or child pictures of him on.my walls.

    Love and.light!
     
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    Last edited: Aug 15, 2018
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Heavy:

    So glad you have found a peaceful place to nestle. Enjoy the good days because while going through this with someone you love, they are few and far between.

    I also felt better when I turned it over to God because that is the only being that can take control.

    Right now my son is doing very well and sounds mature and strong after being in his faith based program for 10 months. I NEVER thought he'd think the way he is now and have hope for the future. We are on year 7 of his addiction. It has been hell and torn our family apart.

    I hoe and pray that all of our loved ones can see the light and know that there is hope and there can be a good life even after years of struggling with addiction.
     
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  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    HeavyHearted,
    May this peace of mind continue for you and flow around and through you. One day, one moment, one breath at a time. You are worth every second of it!
    (((Hugs)))
    Leafy
     
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  8. Heavy hearted

    Heavy hearted Member

    bluebell
    Not silly at all!!!! It's called survival mode. We reach for anything to ease the pain and have just a moments peace. My daughter did talk to my son on the phone yesterday. He told her that he wouldn't go back to prison. No matter what! He is so depressed and it really worries me that he will try and commit suicide if given a chance in jail. I prayed to God to please reach out to him and take control. Please pray for him. Today has not been so peaceful. I did expect emotions to be up and down. To feel sporadic feelings from peace to breaking down, but not this! Today I have done nothing but worry.
     
  9. Heavy hearted

    Heavy hearted Member

    New Leaf,
    That was yesterday. Today I feel hopeless. He told his sister on the phone yesterday, He won't go back to prison no matter what. His court day is 2 weeks away. In the state of mind, I am worried. Praying God will intervene my son's thoughts and take control.