Tina, your son is still very young, which means there's a lot of time in which you can do a great deal for him. And the others are right, the prognosis can be -anything! There is always hope, society tends to make niches available for kids like ours, simply because they have talents which are always useful to somebody, somewhere. They just sometimes need someone else's help (say, a parent) to find what and where they can be used.
From your signature, I believe your Aspie child is - your four year old son?
When difficult child 1 was four years old (and totally undiagnosed) he was talking alright but incredibly shy and clingy. He was afraid of ALL animals in all forms, including cute fluffy baby animals. It was beyond fear, it was terror. I remember him at three, hysterical because a kitten was on the other side of the road, looking at him and about to cross the road to play with him.
The breakthrough for him was birds. At age six he learned to handle birds with his father and we acquired "chooks" (Australian for hens) which he helped me care for. Now he loves animals too and is studying to become a zookeeper. Academically he's years behind his peers but he IS making slow and steady progress. He's already acquired enough qualifications to get a job with a vet or pet store. However, he's still not life-skilled enough to work with the public. We're giving him more time and teaching him more life skills.
difficult child 3, at age 4, was barely talking. He couldn't talk in sentences except very short ones dealing with concrete information only. He could not answer questions about whether he had a good day. However, he was doing basic maths addition and subtratcion and had memorised some of his times tables. He had also been using a computer since infancy.
I also suspect husband is at least partly Aspie. Socially he suffers from 'foot in mouth' disease. I love him dearly but recognise that he can sometimes be a bit blunt. However, the Aspie side of him has its valuable points:
* He is scrupulously honest. I can trust husband completely.
* His high moral code is valued by other people too, who know they can trust him with their life, literally.
* He sees himself as a jack of all trades, master of none. In reality, he is master of many trades because his perfectionism means that each skill he acquires is taken on board as completely as possible.
* He is unswervingly loyal. He will give his friends the shirt off his back if they need it.
There are many good qualities that go hand in hand with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Loyalty, honesty and ethics are huge. Value this. They CAN lie, just they're not very good at it. If your son tries to lie to you, this is actually a good sign! It means he understands that other people aren't always honest with him.
Another good point, part of the spectrum - the ability to concentrate intensely on their area of special interest. This is where their career potential exists. Try and use their interests to expand their horizons and find a practical application for their abilities. Here is the way for their life skills to help them have a purposeful and enjoyable independence later in life.
Tina, you asked about books - I actually haven't bought a great deal, although I read a lot.
I can recommend:
"Thinking in Pictures" by Temple Grandin. She also wrote "An Anthropologist on Mars." She is a great success story for autism - she's an Associate Professor (or full Prof, I'm not sure which) in Animal Behaviour at Colorado U. I've heard her speak (on one of her visits to Australia) and it was inspirational.
There's also "Life Behind Glass" by Wendy Lawson, but I'm not sure if it's available outside Australia.
You don't have to buy all these, although owning at least one would be useful. (Libraries are good). These books give you a wonderful insight into what it's like to be autistic.
A warning - I've found with ANY writings by an autistic person that they assume ALL autistic people are exactly like them. (I suspect this is another facet of autism's extreme egocentricity). So if there is something described that your child doesn't have, or vice versa, don't be too concerned.
A book which is a must-have, although a bit old for your son just yet, is "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time". I'm not sure of the author's name because for some reason all my books seem to be out on loan (I'm trying to educate family and friends). This book is technically a work of fiction, but it's an absolutely brilliant first-person account of life as an autistic fifteen-year-old (Aspie). The language is simple enough for any person from age 8 to adult. The story line is multi-layered so there is enjoyment in the book for all ages. It's sad at times, funny at times and sympathetic at all times. A definite reading must. When your son is old enough you could read it to him, he could well enjoy hearing about another boy like him.
And now to James Williams. I've only read his website. However, I consider everything on his website to be invaluable. His insight into living as an autistic child helped me get a better idea of my son's needs both socially and educationally. To find his articles, put "James Williams" (in quote marks) and the separate word "autism" into the search engine. His site should be very high on the hit list. I would recommend downloading his articles for later reading at your leisure.
My only other reading is various articles I've been sent, including scientific articles sent to me by health professionals (friends, family, therapists). The gist of these articles deals with topics such as holding therapy; weighted vests (we've bought one); integration vs home schooling discussions; various therapies and treatments. Nothing much conclusive except the value of pressure therapy.
You sound like it's early days for you all. If so, you'll be searching almost frantically for any information you can find.
Have you told your son about his diagnosis? Although we were advised to tell our son (difficult child 3) as soon as possible, we found we had to wait a few years until he could understand it. Then, when we told him, it was along with a Sixth Sense presentation at his school in his class. We explained that kids with autism are just as clever as other kids but their brains work a different way, just like some computers are PCs and others are Macs. His brain can produce the same output as anybody else's, but with a different operating system it needs to get there a different way sometimes. It's just the way he's made. He was about 8 years old at the time.
There is also a lot of emphasis on trying to get our autistic kids to reduce their 'oddness' by cutting back on stims, on obsessions and so forth. difficult child 3 called it "pretending to be normal." And he's right - sometimes we're doing the wrong thing by trying to insist our kids behave normally all the time, because often in doing so we're removing their coping strategies. Our kids will do better when they're less stressed. Whatever method they find for reducing their stress - it often seems socially unacceptable. Sometimes if a habit really IS a bad social one (say, masturbating in public) then we need to intervent to find something a bit more acceptable. But don't ever count on removing the stims, they need them. Remove one stimulant and another will replace it.
Does this help?
If you need anything more, PM me. I'm sometimes a bit slow getting my messages (depends how things are at home) but I'm happy to help. If our experience can make it easier for someone else then I feel better about what we've been through.
Marg