Axiety is awful

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by hipperq, Sep 7, 2012.

  1. hipperq

    hipperq New Member

    I'm usually rather anxious at the beginning of the school year. This year has gone more smoothly than others (today will only be day two), but my own anxiety is killing me. My stomach is upset, I can't eat, my chest is tight.

    I tell myself this, too, will pass. I've been this stressed before and made it through.

    daughter 1 has pneumonia. She's getting better, I think, but slowly and not clearly. I worry about all that coughing. Doesn't help that she has a bit of a coughing tic normally, which now turns into huge coughing spasms. She wants me to tell her exactly when she'll be better.

    daughter 2 is having an awful time with sleeping. she takes forever to settle down to bed. She wants to nap in the afternoon, but that just makes night worse. I hate trying to keep tired kids awake or get wide awake kids to sleep, it's so hard.

    daughter 3 started kindergarten yesterday. She came home and took a nap then couldn't fall asleep last night. She woke up this morning in a horrible mood, like she's not quite all the way awake. Threw a fit about clothes, threw a fit about breakfast.

    daughter 1 has an upset stomach, too, and wants me to tell her why. but I dont' know, stress? antibiotics?

    I'm lonely and stuck. My husband works from 3am to 9am, so I have no help with the morning stress. We've set out the next day's clothes last night. daughter 3 did eventually let me get her dressed in those. Everyone has a standard breakfast, but daughter 3 said she doesn't want to eat hers, but can't think of anything else she wants (well, except ice cream). daughter 2 also doesn't want her breakfast, and daughter 1's stomach is too upset to eat. As is mine.

    This too will pass. I will get through this. It's actually not nearly as bad as it used to be. I need to touch base with friends or something, someone to chat with and put it all into perspective.

    In reality, I'd like to go hide under the blankets (ironic, as i woke at 445 and had an awful time going back to sleep).
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Do you children have IEPs? Because I am thinking that their being allowed to be a little late, due to their disorders, could be put into the IEP. That would make things easier for you and for them.
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    MY anxiety is finally letting up. It was bad, pounding heart and painful stomach. Mine stemmed from the "what ifs" running rampant in my head because of a new event being added to our family routine and my kids' response to it and how I was going to "prepare" them for the huge change (see my thread about anxiety). Since it is starting to let up, I can only assume it's because my plan "worked" last night.

    As for the food issues, difficult child 1 has HUGE "obsessions" that do change ....... out of the blue ........ after a VERY long period that is unpredictable. Maybe it's time to brainstorm THEIR ideas and make sure to keep that stuff on hand. Even though they are on the spectrum, their "routines" can change so you need to be prepared. Sounds like that might be where you're at.

    Are they going to bed early enough at night? Sounds like that might also need to be adjusted. If they are tired earlier, you'll HAVE to keep them awake to get them to sleep. It sounds like their sleeping patterns are out of whack and need to be worked back into place. It WILL take some effort on your part and I know how hard and painful it can be but they can't do it on their own.

    Good luck and {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}}
  4. hipperq

    hipperq New Member

    It helps to remember that the anxiety will eventually get better. Sleep issues have always stressed me out. I think the kids got overtired last night. We're aiming for an 8 PM bedtime (6:30 AM wake up). But over the summer they were much later. daughter 2 and daughter 3 sleep in the same room, so when one is ramped up the other has trouble settling down. I'm planning to continue insisting on the new bedtime over the weekend to see if we can get the internal clocks reset. Will have to come up with something a little active and interesting to do after school today to keep them from napping and yet wear them out a bit. Easier said than done, though, as I volunteer on the local rescue squad and am on duty until 6 PM (though I'm at home if we don't get called out).

    daughter 1 has an IEP, the other girls don't. Not sure being later would help much as then I'd have to drive rather than take the bus.

    TeDo, I did see your post on your Anxiety, what a tough situation to be in! I hope you found a good way to keep them apart while you're gone.

    The food issues are ones I've dealt with for years and years. Only daughter 1 is not picky. My problem is that daughter 2 shuts down when I try to talk to her about anything. It's very hard to find out what she DOES want to eat, only what she doesn't. I wish Chocolate were a food group; then she'd be much easier to feed. daughter 3 also can't give me any ideas beyond ice cream as to something she'd be willing to eat in the morning, either. This morning before school she ate 2 bites of apple and a sip or two of orange juice, and that was it.

    I just wish I could fast forward a couple weeks until everyone is settled and well again!
  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I have found that chocolate cereals are great for the chocolate craver. I do that myself when I'm in the "chocolate mood". Nothing else sounds good and cereals like Chocolate Chex and even Chocolate Lucky Charms help a lot. Have you tried smoothies? They are cold and very healthy. Those are just a couple ideas I have found to work for us during those "phases".
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    There's a nut-based spread out there that is also quite "chocolate"... Nuttella or something like that. And it's been proven that there isn't anything nutritionally wrong with chocolate milk. So... there's two healthy items from the "chocolate food group"...
  7. hipperq

    hipperq New Member

    The kids are actually doing pretty well. daughter 3 blew up a bit over little things (getting dressed, etc.) but quickly got over it. daughter 2 ostentatiously ignores me but eventually comes around. The older two have not blown up at all today, though daughter 1 is still anxious.

    We did manage to go for a swim after dinner last night, so I got them a little worn out, and kept both little girls from napping. We are having a Mythbusters marathon here (we have tons of their videos) and everyone seems to find this soothing, I think because it has a sort of plot and is interesting, but very low stress and not babyish.

    I let the two little girls fall asleep in my bed last night, then my husband moved them to theirs. They settle much more quickly in my room. daughter 3 had a nightmare around 4 am, but then settled on a mat on the floor by me.

    So things are going better, but I'm still an anxious wreck. I had my brother-in-law and his wife and three little kids (twin somewhat-difficult child 4-year-olds and a easy child toddler) here for a week last week. They are from the west coast (I live in NJ) and are very intentional about their parenting. They have the kids on a "Paleo" (whole food, high protein, no processed carbs, no grain) diet. They spend nearly every minute of their day with the children, carrying the toddler rather than putting him in a stroller, cooking from scratch, etc. They use only cloth diapers they launder themselves, they recycle everything, they eat and wear only organic stuff, exercise, do yoga, never let the children watch TV or play video games, etc. etc. I feel so inadequate.

    I think I'm pushing myself to be the "perfect mom". I do a decent job, but by no means perfect. Plus, with it being summer and then the beginning of school, I've hardly spoken to anyone other than them and my family. I need to find some more real parents to talk to, particularly ones who've got lots of tough kids and made it through.

    I am absolutely awful at asking for help. I try to do it all myself. My husband wants to help but is extraordinarily rigid and stubborn, so sometimes is more trouble than use. And i hate talking on the phone, so it's hard to reach out to people. I don't have any friends who call up or email to just talk to me. hmm...

    I really need to get through this anxiety. I'm sick to my stomach and stressed out.

    Damn, explosion happining in other room, got to go.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hmmm... I'd wipe any memory of brother in law's family from my memory... selective amnesia, of course.

    As far as husband goes... ok, so his rigidity gets in the way of all sorts of things. BUT... it IS good for some things. Can you find ways to make use of what he is good at, to reduce your load in other ways? My husband is actually a really good parent, but... tends to get really intense at exactly the wrong time, which leaves me with some major fires to put out. What he's REALLY good at? keeping track of every single thing that is, was, or is going to be happening. How long since K1's last dr appointment? when is K2's next ortho appointment? did we get the bill for X yet? It's ALL in his brain. I make sure he knows every single nitpicky detail of our lives, and... I have access to an instant filing system. It saves me HOURS of trying to figure things out. He's also really good at teaching kids to do things ONE way. Like, dishes. Folding towels. Sweeping stairs. Cleaning tubs. He knows how to do it right with the least amount of effort - and the kids are catching on that it's either learn 25 different ways from me and spend lots of extra time doing the job, or learn it DAD's way and be done fast. In return... he turns over to me things that are likely to be explosive... OR, calls me in the middle of it (better than after the fact).

    Sometimes we have to handle our DHs like our difficult children... figure out what WORKS, rather than being focused on what DOESN'T work.