Been a while since I posted

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by jude-in-nj, Feb 14, 2017.

  1. jude-in-nj

    jude-in-nj Member

    Ongoing saga with now 25 yo... Today I thought about driving my car in to an oncoming mack truck... When will it ever end. This Rollercoaster of my life is never ending.
    Don't mean to scare anyone, I'm OK.... Really I am.. But sometimes these thoughts pop into my head. Can't share them with husband, he has enough to worry about...
    Anyoneyelse else ever feel this way??? Or am I losing my mind..
     
  2. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Nope...your sane, just can't get off the ride when you want.

    Positive thoughts your way
     
  3. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean, I 've been there. You must focus on the other kids. You must! They will bring you joy and happiness, give up on you other one for awhile. He may find his way, remember this important fact: He's either gonna make it or he's not. You have no say in it, this was very freeing to me when I was in your shoes.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My oldest has always been hard. I am soooo grateful to have three other wonderful adult kids and a precious granddaughter plus a great hub. I definitely focus on those who can give and not just receive. And those who are usually happy rather than my son who is chronically miserable, angry and often abusive. You must have upbeat, positive loved ones and friends. If you are around negativity enough, it becomes how you see the whole world...and actually the world has much to enjoy. Beauty, laughter, entertainment, hobbies, vacations etc.

    You can love your son without making his choices your life. Yes, sometimes it is hard to change the habit.. we worry..we love them...but we cant change them or be upsetting ourselves when they hit another bump, small or large. We cant...or it can sicken or truly kill us.

    What we can do is change how we deal with our wayward adult children. We can detach without withdrawing love.

    I wont let my difficult child destroy me or anyone else in the family. I talk to him but it is seperate from the others. He burned his bridges with everyone else in the family, and that is his own doing. Not that he cares, really. But his siblings want nothing to do with him because of his abuse snd he denies he did anything wrong and seems fine not having them. So since he has no friends he calls me to literally rage at the way the universe is against him. He is miserable but wont get professional help...I learned not to listen too seriously or too often. Its beyond depressing to listen and then to hear why he cant get help.

    We deserve to be happy. I am all about focusing on the positivity in life. I give my troubled son some time, but I have seriously detached from his problems. He wont change anything and I have other loved ones who are more pleasant and they are my focus. Selfish? I call it smart and healthy but some may call it selfish. If it is, being selfish had given me peace and happiness.

    Try it:laughing:. Cant hurt.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2017
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Sometimes, the pain and chaos can be so overwhelming, that you just want it to stop. And since we can't stop our child from spiraling out of control, we just want the pain to stop.

    You are not alone...those thoughts pop in my head when things are out of control. Do you have someone you can talk to? Do glad we have this forum... Ksm
     
  6. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    Hey jude,
    Our sons sound familiar from your signature, although mine is just 20. He has not been arrested as an adult, but plenty when he was a juvenile. Just kicked him out and waiting on that shoe to drop. My son also got a GED in 10th grade, passed it the first time (after passing practice test first time). Everyone at the center was shocked since he basically had no high school education since he was expelled some part of each semester (I did try to homeschool him - but 'master manipulator' was in full effect with that whole fiasco).
    I'm ready to cash out my 401K, dash all hopes of ever retiring and move out and abandon my family. Either that or drive off a bridge. Son keeps coming back to the house to get things or retrieve packages, take a shower, etc. Husband is not helping me set boundaries, but hey I'm not doing so good either. So I hear ya!
     
  7. jude-in-nj

    jude-in-nj Member

    Thank you all for your word of encouragement.. Sometimes that's all I need. We found out yesterday his girlfriend is pregnant (yes, the one he was domestically violent with and ended up in jail for)
    On a brighter note, he has a job interview tomorrow which.. If he gets it.. And keeps it (key words.. ." Keeps it") would be an amazing opportunity for him. Sadly the girlfriend always seems to sabotage anything good that comes his way.
    Today was a better day, tomorrow.. Who knows. I feel that with difficult sons/daughters we live in constant limbo. It's hard to enjoy the good things because we're always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
    husband is my main support system but he gets so stressed out dealing with Difficult Child and high pressure job that I sometimes don't want to burden him.
    Thank you all again.. Will check in again soon.
     
  8. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    I'm sad to read so many people think about driving into a truck or off a bridge or other self harm. I know sometimes these might be an expression of frustration. Please, if you have these thoughts, ask for help. Speak to your doctor, call a distress line, go to a hospital emergency room.

    Being a parent is the most important blessing I've ever received. Feeling like I didn't succeed at the only job that ever mattered is heart crushing. I am living my life even though facing every day is harder than the day before because it's the only choice I have.

    Seek help when you need it. You are not alone. Someone you've never met in another city is aching in a way that only we understand.