Bizarre Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) behavior rant

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by EndangeredCheerleader, Jun 30, 2013.

  1. Apparently Poppy wants lice. Her drive to wreak havoc overrides common sense.

    I volunteered this week at an organization that supplied shirts and caps. This morning I had a bug land on my leg and I'm sure it was an adult lice. So I had husband check my head, threw away the comb, and even though he couldn't find anything, decided it was best to run out for medicated shampoo. While I was showering Poppy pulled out my hairbrush and used it. Intentionally! She wanted the drama surrounding lice treatment. She got drama because I freaked the hell out. I know I shouldn't react... but freaking hell! We have guests coming for July Fourth. I'm so upset. And I know it's my imagination but my head is crawling!

    She has pulled this before. It's how she managed to get herpes. I caught her smearing on my lip gloss on after I warned both girls not to use any from my purse because I had a cold sore.
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    You might not have it. When younger we'd all get checked at school. Just having us get checked my mom's head would feel like bugs were crawling on it. Just thinking about it my head itches.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Get a nit comb - it's finer than a fine-tooth comb.
    Put a dark sheet on the floor or on the ground outside (sheet, so you can wash it...)
    Then, comb through your hair over the sheet.
    If it IS lice... you will see evidence on that sheet pretty quickly.
    It's pretty obvious if what you see is just dandruff... ;)

    No point in going through the hassle of treatment if it isn't lice - and using it when you don't need to can make it less effective next time.

    No need to throw out combs and such - put in deep freeze for a week (they say 48 hours, but... I prefer a week). It "freeze-dries" any attached problems. Then wash (after thawing).

    And then... put Poppy through the 'comb-out over sheet' test too...
  4. Thanks for the advice. I have not thrown away my hairbrushes so it's great to know about the freezer treatment. I've been very lucky that we've never had to deal with lice before.

    Both Paris and husband went through my head with a flashlight and comb separately. I checked everyone else. Nobody saw anything yet. I bought a Robicomb at Walgreens. It's basically an electric nit comb so I'll try that over a dark sheet.

    Strangely PigPen had the nicest scalp. No dandruff what-so-ever and that boy skips shampoo unless we force him to use it. Guess that's one advantage of keeping an oily head. LOL!
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    ugh, so sorry!
    Can you get her into an acting class or dancing or something, so she can be in the limelight in a constructive way?
  6. TJ2 you are not the first to suggest acting. I think she'd love theater classes but I hesitate because she is already such a gifted liar. I'll look into it. I guess it couldn't hurt to try it out.

    I know where you are going. It's never constructive but we try anyway.

    We are done with dance/cheer. It's a waste of time. I coached cheer. Poppy did well with me but not with other instructors. I enrolled her in a gym to work on back handsprings and she "forgot" how to do cartwheels. I gave her two months to get her act together before I pulled her because cheer gyms are major money in Texas. I pulled her out of ballet before they could ask us to leave. The teacher was obviously done dealing with her laying on the floor and complaining about injuries and hunger. Swimming was 'bladder infections'. Even VBS was a disaster....

    This is how her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) presents. She's not violent. She never tantrums. She's just a sympathy succubus and manipulator. I'm afraid one day she will be one of those fake cancer scammers you read about.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh dear! {{hugs}}
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok, I'm curious enough and nosy enough to ask, and please don't feel you have to respond :) Why the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis? None of the other kids have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and she wasn't adopted. What made her evaluator say she had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

    in my opinion more likely she's on the spectrum like the rest of your kids. It does run in families.

    Oh, and so sorry you are having a tough time with her.
  9. MWM- Sorry for the confusion. Both of my daughters are international adoptees (should I put that in my sig?). Poppy joined our family at 2.5 years old and Paris was 3.5.

    Poppy might possibly have some Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) but she is not on the autism spectrum. I feel Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is the best fit diagnosis we have available. I guess we could label her a compulsive liar with-ADHD but that does not provide understanding as to what drives her. NPD doesn't fit. Whatever we call it, it definitely effects her ability to relate with parents, peers, teachers, and coaches in a typical manner.

    What you've dealt with scares the hell out of me. I am listening! Truly! Poppy does gravitate to younger kids and animals. I assume it is because she can relate better emotionally to a ten year old than another teenage. I honestly don't believe she'd ever physically abuse anyone but I won't be leaving her alone to chance it. I'm hearing you when you say your adoptive son displayed no sexual interests and you never considered him a threat in that manner.

    Wanted to add- It's interesting you mentioned his tests revealed cognitive delays but you don't think he had any. We have the same issue with Poppy. She is not borderline retarded which is what her most recent tests scores suggest. It's very frustrating.
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2013
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Are they basing that on the "overall" score? Did they tell you the sub-scores?
    Because... we found out (after several rounds of testing including 2 full IQ tests) that... there are rules that determine whether a combined score can even be assigned, and most testers don't follow the rules. If there are significant differences between sub-scores, the sub-scores are still valid but an over-all score cannot be determined because the pattern is "outside the normed range" for validity... i.e. there are so few people that fall into that part of the "curve" that nobody has been able to figure out what that combination of scores means in the "big picture".
  11. I'll have to find the paperwork. I do remember the diagnostician listing off sub scores over the phone but her total score was low. She noted that she believed behavioral issues were interfering with results in the report to the school. I assume because she read over past reports not because of anything Poppy did during testing. I don't know.
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    What you're looking for is one or more sub-scores being exceptionally high, AND one or more being exceptionally low. That combo makes the "composite" or "over-all" number invalid. The sub-scores are more important anyway.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I go by behavior with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), which is really scary. If your daughter doesn't actually scare you yet, then she either doesn't have a severe, full blown form of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or she is good at hiding it, like our ex-son was. I should just call him Psychokid because, very sadly, he was. Did you adopt her at an older age? Those kids almost always have attachment problems. I was extremely lucky that Sonic never did. He came to us at two and is very bonded. He had attachment assessments done before we could adopt him and passed them all and is obvious in his behavior toward us that he genuninely loves us. He was lucky though. He never spent time in an orphanage and his foster family rocked the boat so he was never neglected. His bio. mom dropped him off at the hospital after giving birth to him and he was given to this loving medical family because he needed heart surgery.

    Did your child come from Eastern Europe? Those kids are famous for attachment disorder since they grow up in orphanages and are rarely held or nurtured. My oldest daughter came from Korea and her foster mom carried her on her back so she was actually spoiled w hen we got her at five months...another one with no attachment issues.

    Full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is terrifying. If she actually tries to hurt the kittens, that is a red flag. Maybe you should rehome them before something happens to them. I mean, I wish I'd know with the dogs...I would have given them to somebody else. Heck, I wish I'd known about my younger kids...he would have been gone, gone, gone way before he was.

    But Poppy may not have this full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) has no consciences and really no sense of remorse about anything, which is why they can easily kill animals and perp on and hurt other human beings or get Mom and Dad locked in jail for false abuse. They really don't have feelings about humans. They are there to please them and that's it. I don't recognize full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) in any of your posts. If I had see it, I would have called it out as I want to save as many kids as I can from Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) siblings who have no problem perping on them, burning down the house, accusing you of false sexual abuse allegations or strangling their animals. I try to get parents of kids with those sorts of dangerous behaviors to parent their child outside of the home before it's too late.

    How old was she when you got her?
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a "spectrum" type of diagnosis. Milder forms are sometimes called "insecure attachment". These are not necessarily out-right a danger to others, but do have challenges with relationships.

    If you search for "insecure attachment" on this site using advanced search, and put Buddy in as the author, you'll find one or more good past discussions on this.
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    IC, you are right! And that's why some people don't understand severe, full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Many insecurely attached kids have problems attaching or keeping friends or trusting and some leave the family when they grow up (like our Scott did). But he was able to attach to his wife and his child. His ability to totally walk away from us was sad and made me cry for at least a year, but I realize he hadn't bonded to his adoptive family. It hurt emotionally, but at least he did not physically harm anybody or anything and he does have a conscience, although a damaged one that is selective. That would be insecure attachment.

    Psychokid was full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). The kid who set his foster parent's house on fire then calmly asked if he could go to McDonalds as he watched it burn down, the children who deliberately make false allegations of sexual abuse against their parents for no reason anyone can understand...those are the real Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids. They are not just insecurely attached. They are NOT attached. They care about nobody. They are not fixable. They will grow up to be antisocial because they don't think of humans as anything but objects (or animals) and they don't believe that rules apply to them.
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If you want to treat lice, please be aware that much of the US has what is called treatment resistant lice. My info comes from an entomologist at the university here who has participated with major research on lice. I totally understand the heebie-jeebies on lice as I totally FREAK over them. Sadly, most of the OTC lice treatments are totally ineffective money wasters. The prescription medications are very harsh and dangerous. They present serious health risks and if used more than about twice a year are almot guaranteed to cause health problems. They are very unsafe in spite of being FDA approved. The USDA strongly encourages livestock owners and farmers to not use these pesticides on crops and esp not on livestock, but approval is given for use on children which I find scary.

    So what do you do about lice? There is a SAFE and incredibly effective treatment. Neem oil is that treatment. You may have seen that "as seen on tv' cream for heel cracking that says it has neem oil in it. It is the same oil I am talking about. Neem is very safe for use on humans and pets and is approved for use on organic crops and livestock. It kills most types of insects and also is an effective repellant for most insects including lice. It is what my entomologist friend used on his kids and has his kids use on his grandkids.

    It is not a pretty smelling oil, but you only need a small amount. THe best way to treat for lice is to dampen the hair and then slather a mixture of about a tablespoon of neem oil and a half cup of conditioner. ANY conditioner will work, I usually used whatever was cheapest. Put it on the damp hair and let it sit for twenty minutes, then use the lice comb and go through the entire head. Put a video on for the kids. (for a kid who wanted this attention I would find a totally booooorrrrring documentary to lessen the payoff from the attention) After combing through the hair, shampoo and rinse the hair well. Check after a week and after 2 weeks. We did this twice and each time had zero nits hatch.

    One of the ways neem works is to keep the nits from hatching. the neem kills adults, keeps nits from hatching, and makes the nits not stick to the hair shaft. It worked better than the stuff sold to make the nits comb off easier.

    After this, at least during times where lice are apt to spread, mix a bit of neem and conditioner in your palm (half teaspoon of neem and normal amt of conditioner for long hair is roughly what I used on J and she had very thick very long hair at the time), and use the way you would normall use conditioner. This will repel lice and has been amazingly effective. My niece was 2 when I found neem and my folks used it on her the first time she had lice and they were shocked at how well it worked. she never got lice again because on the night my mom has her, my mom puts a dab of neem in her conditioner.

    Neem can be mixed with another oil like canola, coconut, almond, whatever and used as a mosquito repellant. to do that you need 1-2% neem which is about a teaspoon per 2 cups of carrier oil (almond, canola - yes, the stuff you cook with, coconut, whatever) and it is incredibly effective. Entomologists actually recommend this for use in India where the mosquitos cause devastating health problems because of the effectiveness and because neem is incredibly cheap there so most people can actually afford it even as poor as people are there.

    We actually use neem instead of frontline for fleas because frontline was making our cat's hair fall out and he kept getting sick. I mix a cup of water, about a teaspoon of neem and a few drops of citronella or lemon oil (whichever I have handy depending on what the kids have used the essential oils for) in a spray bottle. I spray the cat with this and also spray where he likes to sleep and we don't have flea problems. It maybe isn't as convenient as frontline, but it also doesn't make him sick or make his hair fall out. I am not terribly sure that frontline is as safe as the company making it owuld like us to believe. I have had several cats who got sick after we used it on them, not just this one.

    You can buy neem on ebay. I get mine there because no one here sells it. Given how little is needed, a four ounce bottle lasted for several years for us, even with three kids with very thick hair. Here is a link to the seller I use for neem and other oils/butters:

    I buy neem oil, shea and argan oils, shea butter, and illipe butter because the things in commercial lotions cause severe problems with my skin. Not sure why, but they make me itch mroe than usual and my skin breaks down so I get sores if I put commercial lotions, creams, sunscreen, makeup, etc... on. I can still tolerate a bit of eyeshadow and a few brands of lipstick, but that is it for makeup. i cannot wear eyeshadow often even or my skin goes crazy. Using natural products has made a HUGE difference for me. It is one reason why I looked into a healthier way to get rid of lice. The seller I linked to is the one I have used for several years now.