Brief update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Beta, Feb 2, 2019.

  1. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    Well, I think the break is pretty much complete now. One of the more painful things he said in his text messages was that we had only adopted him so we could have a "pet" to "entertain" us. That one really ripped my heart out.

    I happened to check my FB page that same day, and J had posted some profane, malicious things on a photo from an event at our church. I hastily deleted it and blocked him (again) from FB, but not before people saw it, of course. Then he blocked us from texting. I called his phone, and left a voice mail, telling him that I am really grieved by the things he has done and said and that I hope he will get some help. Yesterday my mother in law called my husband to tell him that he is posting negative stuff on his FB page about us. I think the three feelings most prevalent right now are shock, anger, and hurt. I guess we just wait and pray from here on out. As angry as I am, I can't help but worry about where he is and what he is doing, and I feel helpless and very sad. In one of his ranting texts from two days ago, he described himself as "a vagrant and a criminal." Wow. That's almost too much to bear. I still can't believe sometimes that things have come to this point.
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Omg. So sorry.

    in my opinion the entire family should stop looking at his FB or if some cant control themselves from looking then tell them firmly NOT to tell you what he is posting.

    I hate FB and no longer use it. Your son is bullying you from his FB page. You cant stop him, but you dont have to read his account. Stop looking. Yes, it is hard not to look and see what bad things people may be saying about you. I know this first hand. But I also know that once you stop looking you feel so free. And you CAN stop.

    "What you think of me is none of my business."

    Love, hugs and a cup of hot chocolate. Be good to you.
  3. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Oh Beta, that’s awful, I am sorry. I agree with Swot. Who knows what has happened to your son to bring about this change in him. I am sorry for the pain of it. It has helped me tremendously to give my two over to God and to pray for them to find their true potential. Although the sadness of their situation surfaces and knocks me down at times, I have to work hard at realizing that they are adults and have free will to choose as they may. Reflecting on the blessings of raising them helps to quell thoughts of their current situations. Even though they may remember a different story than I do, I know I did my best and loved them wholeheartedly. I love them still, but can’t allow their propensity to blame their upbringing (and me) for the choices and consequences of their adult lives, to affect me. Easy to write, but hard work to accomplish.
    Prayers going up for your peace of mind and heart as you navigate this latest challenge.
    Stay warm.
  4. LJFromOz

    LJFromOz Member

    I’m really sorry to hear this. I understand that feeling of “how did we get here?” so well. I hope this settles down soon. I wonder if it’s possible to ask other family members to disengage from him on social media? Sending you a virtual hug.
  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Beta, I'm so sorry you had to endure this. I've been there. Your son is reaching deep to find things that will hurt the most and he's doing it because he doesn't want to own his responsibility in the choices he has made and also because you are not swooping in and rescuing him. This is what happens when we pull back and stop enabling.

    As for Facebook, I've been there too. I love Facebook because it affords me an opportunity to stay in touch with a lot of my family and old classmates and old workmates but it can also be used as a tool for bullying.
    First, if people believe what your son is posting, well that says more about them. People that really know you will understand that his behavior is just plain sad. I found out a long time ago that people that wanted to believe my son were really not my friends and I had no issue removing them from my life.
    Second, you have blocked him, but you should also consider reporting him to Facebook for bullying.

    I'm not sure who on this site said this but I love the idea of it "don't write the end of the story" this is true and good advice. After some time has passed your son may reach out to you. My son has gone very long periods of time not communicating with us. I have learned during those times to enjoy the peace. Don't get me wrong, I will always love my son but dealing with the chaos of his life can be so draining.

    We love our children but sadly, our love cannot save them from themselves and the poor choices they make.

    Sending you ((HUGS)) Please make sure you are taking care of yourself.
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  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I'm so sorry you have to endure this abuse.

    He is mud slinging and it has nothing to do with you.

    It hurts but you must walk away. That doesn't mean you don't love him. It just means that you love yourself and need to focus on the good in your life.

    Put it in God's hands.
  7. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    Thank each of you for your thoughts, prayers, and counsel. We continue to wait and pray. It's out of our hands. I'll be checking in to "listen in" on the posts that are posted. I'm so sorry for each of you in your own journey of suffering. Hugs to you all.