As you all know the last year in particular has been very difficult for me and my family. And you also know that I was recently separated from my wife. We are continuing to reconcile and things are going pretty well there. I have a very close friend. More than close, actually. More like an astral twin. We refer to each other as brother and sister though there's no blood relation. We have a very intense soul connection. We are both gay so it's never been romantic or sexual. We have been friends for almost forty years - we met in middle school. But it has not always been peaches and cream. Our personalities can clash and we struggle to resolve our differences in a healthy way. We have experienced long periods of complete estrangement where we had no contact at all. The longest period of estrangement lasted seven years, from 1989-96. Since 96 we have been in regular (weekly or more frequent) phone contact with occasional visits when time allows. With age and maturity on both of our parts, I was confident this friendship was now stable. Turns out, I was wrong. During the period of separation from my wife, I leaned very heavily on this friend for moral support. In retrospect, this was a mistake. I overwhelmed him with the drama of the situation, and with a great deal of negativity, and he got triggered heavily. He was not supportive of me reconciling with W and did his best to convince me to divorce her. And since I have re-committed to my marriage, he has now initiated another estrangement, stating that he cannot be in my life if I am still married to W. Not in exactly those terms, but I know that is what he means. He says he cannot promise when or even if he will contact me again. That he needs to take care of himself. That he loves me and will always consider me family, but cannot walk down the road I have chosen with my W. Previous to this atom bomb from him, I had expressed that I felt judged and controlled by some of his comments, that he very obviously wanted me to make a different decision involving my marriage. He took that very badly and I believe this was the real impetus for his decision. He reacts poorly to being challenged or "accused" in his mind, even though that wasn't the case. I know I made mistakes by over-involving him in my marital affairs, but his unwillingness to discuss his issues with me, his decision to abandon me, is very telling. It says that perhaps the person I have needed to leave behind is not my W but in fact, this friend. Asking for space is one thing, needing time apart is understandable, not wanting to hear about my marriage is reasonable, but completely shutting me out and running away from a four-decade friendship is quite another. The sad thing is, I was willing to own my choices and make amends where necessary. My friend is not willing to give me that chance. I think this means that regardless of what he may decide in the future, I need to walk away from this very special person who has meant the world to me over the years, but who ultimately, isn't able to do the work that every long-term relationship requires. Just wanted to share. I have IC this afternoon and this will probably be the focus of my session.