Hi all, haven't been here for a while-have actually just come back from a month in England (the Motherland) and Norway!(Retirement money being well spent-it was beautiful!) Was without technology for most of that time and I'm glad, though of course I catastrophized about Difficult Child being found dead. That didn't happen. The day I got back, (October 20) he called me. Asked if I could send him some money. Said yes (I know) and did so. He bought all kinds of useful stuff, he said-a ground tarp, cold weather sleeping bag, boots,etc. Said he's on the vivitrol shot AND Antabuse, so no drinking for 11 days. Was fed up but trying to make plans to spend the winter somewhere warmer than Colorado. I thought, well, he sounds like he's TRYING to figure things out... So just now, TWO days later, I get a call. Everything he just bought has been stolen, including his state ID (from Illinois). I asked if he was really just calling for me to send more money and he said he wouldn't even be able to get it, because he has no ID. I asked him if he could go down to the Denver Rescue Mission-yes, he could, but he "didn't want to". That would just start up his drinking and heroin use (wasn't aware of that one) again . I said he didn't HAVE to start up, but he said he would. I asked if he could go to the Boulder shelter-yes he could, but they had a lottery system there and it was a "pain in the ass to get to". One 30 minute bus ride followed by another 35 minute bus ride. The thieves stole his weed, too, so he couldn't even smoke. I told him to report it to the police (didn't like doing that) I told him to go to the Mental Health Partners (they're really slow). Okay..... He sounded subdued, but quite calm, apart from a couple of references to killing the people who stole from him, some references to suicide, telling the cashier at Target, who was being a "smartass" that he would knock her teeth out, and some rubbish about a sword and trying to find the magic. I'm never sure whether he says the nonsense because he's lost his marbles (a real possibility) or because it's for my benefit, to make me think he's lost it and I'll be more sympathetic-how CYNICAL I am! Statements like this have me kinda confused, but also keep me in reality. I'm sorry that he had his stuff stolen, but when he is too lazy to make the bus ride, or doesn't want to be in the shelter,etc, then I have to accept that his priorities are skewed. I feel strangely unemotional after this call. Maybe because I haven't been in touch with him for a month, or maybe because I've heard it all before or maybe because there's not a DAMN THING I can do about any of it. Does this just sound like more of the same? I know it does. I've been expecting him to die for a long time-have I just become immune? I keep reminding myself of his choices. Ex husband is out of Colorado and en route to Vegas to live and easy child is rooming with a friend in CO and won't have anything to do with Difficult Child. So now Difficult Child doesn't have that "safety net" any more. Not sure what my point is , here. Any comments are welcome. I think I'm most worried about my lack of reaction to the call-am I dead inside?