Called the police for the second time

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by llamafarm, Mar 22, 2012.

  1. llamafarm

    llamafarm Member

    Ughh. A rough afternoon. Not even over yet. School out at 2:30. Called the police at 3:00 for the hitting, throwing, slamming, yelling, general unruliness. difficult child asleep by 3:05 and the police arrived at 3:20. The officers were very understanding, even pointing out that if it was better that he sleep they could come back later. He awoke when I went to check on him. He would not come downstairs so they went up and immediately got on him about the disaster in his room. They were very harsh, tough language, brought out the handcuffs, told him about how things work out if he continues like he is. They told him to start cleaning his room. (he did) Then they came down explained to me some options and answered some questions. They checked on difficult child one last time, gave me some paperwork and left. No charges were pressed. They were supportive and helpful. I am glad I called, but I really have some serious decisions to make. Press charges next time? Most likely, but they told me d.v. and assault will stay on his record into adulthood.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I know it's tough but you did the right thing. You need to break this "habit" he's created and if tough love does it, great. I would put off filing charges. Right now, it's a habit and it will take more than twice to break it. It will also take more than twice to show him you're not putting up with it anymore.

    Any chance you can still talk to the officers about this? Let them know it may take a few more times to break his habit? Just a thought. If he fell asleep before they got there, I really wonder if sleep quality and quantity aren't a real issue like they are for my difficult child 1. Our new school situation allows him to sleep until HE wakes up. Every time I have to wake him up, I know it's going to be a h**** of a day. Just something to think about. I know for difficult child 1 it is HUGE.

    Glad things worked out for you. I would also consider the medication issue. He's on an awful lot of medications for just ADHD and AS. Do you think they are ALL helping? Another question is if one of them is actually causing the aggression. difficult child 1 became VERY aggressive on two different medications from two different families. Just one more thing to consider.

    Now, breathe and do something nice for yourself.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    DV... till 18. Then it will likely be sealed, can be expunged... Or changed by the court. (I wish I didn't know this, but Onyxx...)

    :hugs: it's SO not easy.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I get so stuck in this....As you all know I have threatened this in the past for Q too. Only called twice, when he was having the medication reaction and I needed the ambulance. I feel like he needs to know too but if it doesn't change the behavior, and he would not only not be helped by the system, but would likely be hurt, what else to do???? I am trying every thing I can think far as our funds will take us. But for us, I always have thought that if he escalates to where I am feeling like it is dangerous I would have to ask for a residential placement of some kind.... Not many that fit his issues but there are some that do work with cognitively delayed kids with autism.... I never want to go there but I really struggle with this during those valleys when we have an increase in aggression. So hard to know what to do. (many here say that even after their kids went thru the system it did nothing, it seems like it really depends on the disability and cause of the behavior I think). For us it is really mostly helped by fixing our routine and correct medications. Just a super hard thing to deal with.

    I hope difficult child can learn from this and you do not have the ongoing on/off struggle we have had We went nearly a year without aggression. Such a bummer.
  5. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I'm glad it worked out for you and that the police actually did something like that. In my experience with my oldest difficult child years ago when I had to call the police were not helpful at all. They literally told me "good luck ma'am" and left as difficult child was still raging and jumping up and down all over the place. *sigh*

    Just recently I had to call again but this time for youngest difficult child due to refusal to go to school. I little better reaction but still "nothing we can do". Yet "I" would be held accountable if he didn't go to school.

    I want to go where you are since your police seem to handle things better! :)
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TeDo - excellent point.
    I might add that it can also be burn-out from the school day itself, even if sleep isn't the real issue. We had periods of time where, really, the school day should have ended before morning recess. I didn't know back then that there are ways to fight for this...
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I also wonder about sleep, and about protein. is there a way to find out what he ate at school? it may not be just that he was hungry or tired, but that what he had to eat was not what he needed. My difficult child and my gfgbro both get nasty if they have sugar on an empty stomach. I used to dread birthday parties at school when gfgbro's class had one because he would be so mean when we got home. My bro is a mean drunk but he is even meaner if he is sober and has a candy bar on an empty stomach. He had to learn to ALWAYS keep something with protein in his backpack or car or whatever, or else it got out of control. Wiz is much the same way. Now Wiz mostly just makes sure to eat fairly healthily with small meals and snacks with protein, and to go for those balance or zone bars when he wants sweets but hasn't eaten. the change is startling. Those bars that are NOT at least 30% protein are candy bars and they have the same results. this is NOT just low blood sugar, it is the quality of the food and it must be high protein.

    thank you makes me think of your son. There are days that thank you comes home an just can NOT cope with ANYTHING. He can't even figure out how to open a cheese stick on those days, much less choose a cheese stick to eat. it usually is a day when they did a lot of things that are sensory challenges for him (classmates discovering axe type products created aa LOT of these!) and/or the lunch did not have enough good quality protein for his needs. He will sit and gritch (grump and &itch) and dither and then burst into tears if you say anything. We keep things around just for those times and I keep the balance bars in my purse, husband's backpack and often our coat pockets because they will work when thank you is at that point. I even open the package with-o asking him if he needs help - I know he does and he does too. The difference it makes is astounding.

    For all of elem school I had a protein snack ad a drink with me when I picked thank you up from school. I got those packages of peanuts etc.... at Sams and kept them in the car, and took a drink with me and another snack if t was easy. This really cut down non the afterschool tantrums. By the time we got home he had eaten and was more able to deal with homework, family, etc...

    I suggest trying this and keeping a diary of what is going on, etc...

    I am PROUD of you for calling again!!! this is GOOD. I would NOt worry about charges following him as an adult. if he gets the message and stays out of trouble, then he can have it cleared when he is old neough to take that adult responsibility. I know ADULTS who got SERIOUS felonies and got them expunged, so that record is NOT etched in stone, Know what I mean??

    Have you spoken to the chief or anyone else at the police dept? i urge you to do this. they may have ideas or know who is best to send for this kind of problem. I am THRILLED that they got onto him about his room!! have you talked iwth the therapist about what the officer told you? what was her advice regarding the police?

    Gotta go to sleep now, proud of you!
  8. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    You did the right things and I'm proud of you for doing it.

    I want to echo what TeDo said about the medications. How long has your son been the medications that he's on? My son was on Celexa (it was the first medication that we tried for him) and it was a disaster! He was mean, nasty, aggressive. We had to take him off of Zoloft for the same reason. Was he like this before he started the medications, or is this something that has started recently? If so, it could be the medications.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you did the right thing, and the police were very good about it. We've had good luck, too.
    Frankly, I don't think that pressing charges at this young of an age will do anything but put a mark on his record. From what you've described, I just don't think he's psychologically and emotionally ready to control himself.
    We have had good luck with-the medications we use, and you may want to consider rearranging some of his medications, elminating, adding, etc.
    I TOTALLY concur on the sleep issue. However, after our kids rage, they typically wear themselves out and sleep afterward. Even my 83-yr-old cousin, who has psychiatric issues, will sleep deeply after a "tantrum."
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    P.S. What set him off this time? Do you keep a journal? Can you tell when he ramps up? My son would start to tap his foot or a pencil, the tips of his ears would turn red, and he'd get dark circles under his eyes. He would start to argue, and I would press the issue. Now, I have to let a lot of things go. If it's a chore, homework, baseball, whatever, I just have to drop it. That does NOT mean he gets to stimulant on video games. It means that I just walk away, sometimes for several hrs. He can be bored. It's better than raging.