Sadly I think that if you want Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or anything else from these people you are going to have to continue to jump through their hoops. Each person will want to start over at the beginning with things that haven't ever worked with a difficult child. NOT with difficult children as WE understand them. Sadly these people come across a LOT of parents who truly have created difficult children out of perfectly ordinary happy to please pcs. Heck, I spent my teens and twenties watching my uncle's wife (exwife after the daughter was 12) turn their daughter into a difficult child. She went a LOT farther than just letting the kid do what she wanted. Taught the girl that dad was just an ATM (literally told her this) and forced her to date "bad boys" from the worst areas of Cincy - and they lived in a NICE area and cousin went to private religious schools and was liked by NICE boys. Those were not good enough - by nine and ten the mom was insisting that my cousin be out until midnight or later on weekends. And it just got worse.
I have come to realize that a LOT of parents just do not want to be anything but friends with their kids so they don't set limits. Then the kid clues in that the parent won't ever follow through and a difficult child is created. THIS is what Ms. Ally et al think you have at home. They see you now, tiptoeing around on eggshells simply because you do not want to fight about everything with a girl who was NEVER willing to do ANYTHING that you wanted and they think it is "your fault".
WE know you are dealing with a different beast. They are using horse training methods on a zebra. Simply does NOT work because the zebra doesn't care and the horse does.
IF you want Ms Ally to work with you then you are going to HAVE to do some of these stupid things that you have done so many times before. Why not go pull out copies of some of the past behavior contracts and just make copies of them to reuse? Then later you can show Ms. Ally that it did not work any of the ten or thirty times you have tried it with a different counselor who swore it would work this time because you would be doing it her way.
Can you tell I have gone through this too? We finally had one therapist who understood in the first two months that Wiz was NOT a typical bad behaving easy child. She sat and told the that with most kids she would try this chart, that contract, this game, that token economy, etc.... and she could SEE that it was NOT going to work with him. SO where could we figure out together that we might go as a direction to help the situation. I truly wish I could bottle her and send her to each and every parent here. She was incredible for us. Wiz hated her, of course, because she did NOT buy his lies or accept his bs.
If you think Ms Ally can help, give her a short trial of this so she thinks you are cooperating. Just keep copies of everything in your files so that when you have another person working with you then you can either re-use the contract or else show you have done it.
I am quite sure that each person will want you to do this again in their own way. You will hear that it didn't work because it was "too detailed", complicated, nitpicky, broad, not enough goals, too many goals, not enough consequences, too many consequences, too strict, too lenient, not detailed enough, gave her too much wiggle room, didn't give her enough wiggle room, ad nauseum. Part of what got Wiz into the long term Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was being able to tell the people all the different ways we tried that, and how his response to each one was violence. Plus he tried to kill Jess, and I saw him, so that gave us more weight. Maybe if she tried to kill someone they would help more? problem not - right now I think they would want to put it in a behavior contract.
Whatever happens, why not call the cops over and over? Yeah, it is a hassle but sooner or later they will get tired of it and will take her in front of a judge. Then you can tell the judge how you have tried, begged, pleaded, done everything under the sun to get help and all people see is this pretty little female who looks so sweet. How violent does she get with you all when she is angry? If nothing else, figure out what will make her the most angry that looks sweet and reasonable and use that in front of either Ms. Ally or when you eventually get in front of a judge.
As for wanting to quit, yes. You can. But no one iwll do anything to help the family if you do. If difficult child gets violent when she is forced to do certain things, then make it happen, call the cops each time, and insist they take her with them, that you are done. The judge iwll hem and haw around and not do anything for several court dates because he will be waiting to see if you will back down. IF youstick to it and insist that it is unsafe to have her at home, eventually he will get her placed somewhere. CPS will be involved to see if your son is safe. make sure you have a written safety plan for keeping everyone safe when difficult child rages (esp keeping easy child safe - they will want to say you are not protecting him so they take him and send her home. beat them before they start by having the written safety plan and having it posted on the wall in a couple of places).
I am so sorry. I wish there was something more that you could do. Instead you are going to ahve to wait for her to be 18, to run away, or to violate enough laws that they put her in juvie - I doubt the courts will order Residential Treatment Center (RTC) unless you live where TimerLady lives.
