F
flutterbee
Guest
So, I lost my job in September because of my inability to work because of my health. I haven't posted it, not because I don't want you all to know, but because there are some non-members who know I post here who I didn't want to know. I don't care anymore.
I've been ashamed. Of what, I don't know. I guess because I'm 34 years old and I feel like I'm going backwards in life. When you're young and look healthy...well, I just felt like everyone around me was judging me because they don't understand. Kinda like when I was struggling with depression. But, I've realized that I don't have anything to be ashamed of. I haven't done anything wrong. Some things are out of our control.
So, my house is in foreclosure. The sheriff sale is Nov 28. I'm moving December 1 (fingers crossed) into a 3 bedroom townhome that my parents (mom and step-dad) will be paying the rent on. Hopefully, once I get in to the right specialists, get diagnosis'd and treated I'll be able to get on with my life. My mom worries that I'm permanently disabled and thinks I should be filing for disability. I'm not even ready to consider that, yet. I can't. I'm only 34. I do wonder, however, about my ability to ever return to work full-time. But, I don't want to get ahead of myself. One thing at a time.
Anyway, I've been really struggling the last couple of weeks with feelings of inadequacy. It took me a long time and a determined battle - and eventually the right medications - to overcome my depression. For the first time in my adult life, I am in a good place emotionally and mentally. And then this. And now - at the age of 34 - my parents are going to be supporting me.
Then, today, I saw a homeless man with his dog - this beautiful husky - on the side of the road with a cardboard sign. And I thought, 'There but for the grace of God, go I'. It really put things into perspective. And I started to cry.
I am so blessed to have parents that are willing and able to help me in my time of need. I have beautiful children that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. I have a roof over my head, I know where my next meal is coming from, and I'm alive.
What more could anyone ask for?
I've been ashamed. Of what, I don't know. I guess because I'm 34 years old and I feel like I'm going backwards in life. When you're young and look healthy...well, I just felt like everyone around me was judging me because they don't understand. Kinda like when I was struggling with depression. But, I've realized that I don't have anything to be ashamed of. I haven't done anything wrong. Some things are out of our control.
So, my house is in foreclosure. The sheriff sale is Nov 28. I'm moving December 1 (fingers crossed) into a 3 bedroom townhome that my parents (mom and step-dad) will be paying the rent on. Hopefully, once I get in to the right specialists, get diagnosis'd and treated I'll be able to get on with my life. My mom worries that I'm permanently disabled and thinks I should be filing for disability. I'm not even ready to consider that, yet. I can't. I'm only 34. I do wonder, however, about my ability to ever return to work full-time. But, I don't want to get ahead of myself. One thing at a time.
Anyway, I've been really struggling the last couple of weeks with feelings of inadequacy. It took me a long time and a determined battle - and eventually the right medications - to overcome my depression. For the first time in my adult life, I am in a good place emotionally and mentally. And then this. And now - at the age of 34 - my parents are going to be supporting me.
Then, today, I saw a homeless man with his dog - this beautiful husky - on the side of the road with a cardboard sign. And I thought, 'There but for the grace of God, go I'. It really put things into perspective. And I started to cry.
I am so blessed to have parents that are willing and able to help me in my time of need. I have beautiful children that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. I have a roof over my head, I know where my next meal is coming from, and I'm alive.
What more could anyone ask for?