Can't catch a break

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Arlea, May 28, 2011.

  1. Arlea

    Arlea New Member

    Seriously.............when do we ever get a break in life. I am starting to loose faith. My difficult child got diagnosed with Adjustment disorder with mixed emotions on friday, then today we had to take my easy child (17 months old) to the hospital for a prolapsed rectum (which is rare in children and often the first sign in cystic fibrosis) She will most likely need surgery, and it just kills me that I spent the whole day fighting a battle with my difficult child and not being with my daughter and processing this.
    I know its most likely my added stress triggering my difficult child but what do you do????
    I feel totally lost and am not handling life well at all.
    Sorry all. Just need to vent.
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    So I had to look up Adjustment disorder. If I understood the information correctly this is not a very promising diagnosis (not that others would be) because if I remember your posts correctly, the only two things that would cause your son to suffer from Adjustment disorder, would be your easy child's medical issues and/or you going back to work. Hmmmmmmmmm Are there any other major stressors to indicate this diagnosis?

    Breathe, breathe.

    in my opinion and experience, when there is a family crisis, regular parenting takes a break. EVERYONE feels the stress. I'm guessing this is the reason for the diagnosis. Time for more treats, more indulgences, if for no other reason than to keep the peace and be able to focus attention and energy where it is most needed at the moment.

    When you need to focus on easy child, can you and husband tag team - one with each child - trading off periodically? Can you bring in any friends or family to help watch difficult child, but you and husband still "tag" back with him periodically so he still feels in the loop and not neglected?

    Such a difficult situation, my heart goes out to you all.

    Don't be sorry for venting. I *think* that's what this forum is here for.:consoling:
  3. tictoc

    tictoc New Member

    Just wanted to say that I am sorry you are having to deal with so much right now. Please let us know how your daughter is doing.
  4. Arlea

    Arlea New Member

    No the diagnosis is not promising and very vague as far as i am concerned. They seem to think the anxiety part of it will pass after a while, which would be great.
    As for the illness, it just happened today so the diagnosis came first. I honestly do not believe me going to work has triggered this so I am yet again at a loss. I have been trying to lay back on the parenting today but it threw him off and he had a huge explosion which lasted for hours.
    There are other options for help with difficult child but i am afraid to interrupt his schedule.
    husband is honestly doing awful handling difficult child an I am slightly uncomfortable with leaving him with difficult child. He also cant do the things needed to be done with easy child's condition currently, so I am feeling a little alone.

    Guess I just stick it out. it just all seems to happen at once which is pretty typical. I also worry what will happen if she needs the surgery, obviously she will need the focus during recovery. Maybe difficult child will have to stay with grandma.
    I don't know? I am just starting to feel like being lost is going to be the dominant feeling for a while.
    Thanks for the support!!!
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Who did the diagnosis? You're in Canada, so its not likely a neuropsychologist (not impossible, just not likely)... Just the family MD? If so, you need referrals, not diagnoses!

    Sounds like "adjustment disorder" may be a bit like "ODD"... explains a bit of what is going on, but tells NOTHING about the source(s) of the problem OR what to do about it! In other words, perhaps a "diagnostic cop-out".

    We got our first diagnosis at age 6 - through a Child Behavioral Clinic - a group of specialists, none of whom is full-time on the project, but they draw on each other as necessary. Or, Child and Youth Services (mental health) - in some provinces, you can "self-refer" on this one, so you might want to check that as well. In some provinces, they will also provide help for parents of kids who need help... and with the two you have and everything going on right now, that might help too. They can also add weight to getting in to other specialists (although they can't shorten wait times... ).

    Are you dealing with a childrens' hospital for your youngest? If so, THEY may have resources for stressed-out parents of sick kids... and you may have faster access this way. Take any help you can get. Even the ones who don't work out well, can point you in another direction.

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    hugs. I am so sorry your young one is so sick. Is it possible that his medical conditions cause his adjustment disorder?

    Be aware that getting the correct diagnosis the first time you get one is incredibly rare. Too many disorders have the same symptoms. Also the symptoms can change hugely as a child grows up. So take ANY diagnosis like adjustment disorder with a big grain of salt. Many of us get to the point where we don't care what it is called if the treatment helps. Heck, I told one doctor that he could write pregnancy as the diagnosis for my oldest son as long as whatever they did to treat it helped him. Got chuckles, of course, but also got my point across, Know what I mean??

    I do suggest that you and husband get some counseling. Together and individually. As the dad, he MUST learn how to handle difficult child appropriately, as well as learn to ahndle whatever your other child needs. NO ONE can do it all - at some point you will NEED him to pull his weight with this stuff. Therapy together can help you teach him how to handle both kids better.I also strongly suggest that you get a copy of Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. It is an awesome parenting book for kids up to age 6. I realize difficult child is already six in years, but most of our kids lag about 30% in maturity, making his functioning more like a four year old than a six year old. This series of books (Love and logic - explore them at on parenting was the big breakthrough my husband needed. It made sense wehre all other parenting books had not, and enabled my husband to change how he acted and reacted to our difficult child and other kids - changed it on every level!
  7. Arlea

    Arlea New Member

    My difficult child was diagnosed by children services/ mental health. When I first went into this I thought odd seemed to fit him well and was pretty sure thats what they would say.
    I do believe that his birth condition may have done some damage, I know things like that tend to make a child more sensitive as they grow as well.

    easy child sees her family DR. on Monday then I imagine we will be refered to the childrens hospital for her pediatric surgeon.
    Counselling seems like a good option for our family right now, and thanks for the book suggestion. I love books, they are invaluable in situations like this.
    husband husband is needs to figure some stuff outy, so individual counselling would be benificial as well I think. Lets hope he cooperates.
    Feeling a lot better today now that i got some sleep, easy child seems in good spirits this morning so that helps. difficult child is already loosing it.
    Thanks for the support ladies, i truly appreciate it
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, I am so sorry.

    You have a lot going on so don't be too hard on yourself if you just break down and cry for a day ... or two. It's so hard to keep going like a good soldier.

    I hope your husband goes to counseling, too. It will help you both, as you know.

    Hugs for all of you.
  9. keista

    keista New Member

    Sorry, I thought the Gastroschisis was your easy child. New sibling can be stressful, but sick new sibling is worse. But that's not the case, sorry, my bad.

    So, in my opinion that makes this current diagnosis more vague and odd, but ANY diagnosis is a good stepping stone for therapy and medication investigation. As has been mentioned many times, ODD is usually a symptom. It's possible the real illness will take some time to fully materialize and be labeled.

    What is it about those DHs that it's so hard for them to "get it"? Positive thoughts to ya that he comes around sooner rather than later.