Well the rap boy is back. I am so sad to be here. I thought we were on our way up. Things were getting soooo much better. I thought I had my boy back. You may remember he was breaking things at my school as a "prank" and trespassed onto an abandoned property and was arrested, and was writing profane rap music and had cut himself. Well all that seemed behind us. We allowed him to make the decision to leave his private school and attend an early college next year upon the advice of his psychiatrist but now I wonder if that stress is a good idea. He quit the nasty music and had a religous experience at church and seemed happier than I had seen him in a long time. We were a very happy family for about 4 months. Last night I saw that he carved the f word into his arm. He said he was really angry and was having a bad day-he said a friend did it with a paper clip but I don't believe him, I think he did it himself. He said he is very embarrased. Now he has to return to school with bandages I guess. We haven't talked about what's happened this morning. I told him if he damaged himself any more I would remove the door to his bedroom for his own safety. I guess I have to make good today. We havent really gotten anywhere with counseling but I guess we have to start again. This doesn't follow cutters I don't think. They do this in private places don't they? Not impulsively marring their skin in a place where anyone can see. He is on Adderall now and could never tolerate stimulants in the past so I don't know if that's what this is related to or not. Any thoughts ladies? I really need help, I don't know where to turn. If feel like these last 2 years are going to set the direction of his life but I don't know what to do. Throwing money at counselors certainly hasn't helped. The church has been awesome. Someone meets with him one on one every week except for these last 2 weeks because of driver's ed.