challenging child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Nov 17, 2010.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Does it ever get better?
  2. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    In my experience, no.
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    In my experience, maybe. some ways, other ways, no. The years at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) have provided safety for us and structure for her but she is still narcissistic, manipulative and prone to aggression and risk taking behaviors.

    Eeyore...OMG...YES!....he is doing wonderfully....more polite and less aggressive than a typical teen :)....he still has his issues with hyperactivity and stuggles with social skills but he works hard to compensate.

    Tigger....still a work in progress...he is better much more of the time but still has issues that need serious interventions. A huge step is his ability to brainstorm some 'Plan B' solutions as opposed to insisting on whatever he wants...I'm hoping for more progress this year, he is still young.

    I know one woman who lost all of 6 of her children to foster care then, a few years later, got pregnant one more time and was able to turn her life around, she has been successfully raising that child for 9 years, finished college, got a job, and recently bought a house. She was a drug-addict and a convicted felon. About 3 years ago, her difficult child-sister was killed/shot during a gang conflict which would have been an easy excuse to go back to the drugs instead she founded a anti-gang organization in her town. The success stories exist, I think that the major difficult child's like this woman need more time to grow up and move beyond it -- she was in her 30s before she was able to begin to heal.
  4. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    In my experience, yes!

    My daughter, A, was a defiant, difficult child. I am finding her teen years to be a breeze, compared to that.

    My daughter, B, used to fall apart at the slightest perceived insult and rage to the point we were afraid she would hurt herself. And she did hurt herself once. She still has many, many problems, but those have gone away.

    Don't give up hope.

    If what you are doing isn't working, try another approach.
  5. Yes, KJS, just hang in there...

    In my experience, we both have changed and are continuing to change. Somehow, we're meeting in the middle.

  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Yes, it does.

    Many comforting hugs.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well...I say yes...and I have a hard one...but can you believe "our" Cory is in IOWA at this very minute!!!!

    So he must be doing something right to be able to be that far from (I dont think we have heard anything on the National News about a difficult child doing something wrong in Iowa have we?)
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Yes. And it will for your son too. But in the meantime, YOU have to look after yourself. And in looking after yourself, you will be actively beginning the process to help your son be a better person, because you will be showing him that being proactive about your own mental health is the way to go.

    I speak from experience.

  9. Cari Lynn

    Cari Lynn Guest

    One has to keep hope and say with a resounding YES it will get better...what is the phrase...It is always darkest before the dawn or some such. I have to keep hoping....
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Cari Lynn, I was using a similar phrase yesterday, only the Erma Bombeck version. "It's always darkest just before it goes really black..."

    But seriously - I was referring to my sense of humour. You need one of those, and right now Kjs, I think your humour has taken a long holiday. You need to pack your bags and go after it, to bring it home.

  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Humor is a survival skill, even if it's dark humor. I have learned my daughter does not respond well to sarcasm aimed in her direction, however. She tries to use sarcasm, but she doesn't quite get it most of the time then gets mad at me for laughing. I can't win. So I laugh here instead. As often as possible. *points to the "You Know You Have A difficult child..." threads*

    I believe it was also Erma that said "When you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel."

    You know I checked out some humor books at the library today. There was nothing resembling those difficult child threads. We need a book like that.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have to believe there is hope (I see glimmers every now and again). Hugs to you tonight kjs!
  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Use humour with difficult children - always. But yes, avoid sarcastic humour. Instead, focus on puns. The classic "dad joke". Puns are the earliest jokes our children can understand. often they're all they can understand. Certainly, they are easier for them to understand! And when your child is stressed, it needs to be easy to understand.

  14. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    She loves puns - once I explain them to her. Unfortunately for me, she's hooked on knock-knock jokes. On the bright side, she loves Carlin's "Fussy Eater" routine.
  15. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    Most definitely YES!!! I think all difficult children are works in progress, some just advance more quickly than others, but there is always hope, always room for improvement and change...

    Before difficult child 1 left the "nest," I had major doubts whether or not he was going to make it on his own. Now, when I reflect back on difficult child 1's life, I'm amazed at the progress he has made. While he'll always be a difficult child in many ways, he is finally growing up, learning to be a responsible adult. He is doing what he wants to do with his life and if he keeps traveling down this path, I truly believe he'll find happiness, peace, success... On the flip side, because he is still a difficult child, I know that the road ahead is probably going to be filled with lots more potholes...

    I agree with Marg that a sense of humor is essential. Without being able to find humor in the day to day HE77 my difficult children put me through, I don't think I would have a shred of "sanity" left... Also, it helps tremendously to use humor with difficult children, with any kids for that matter. It really helps "destress" an unpleasant situation if it's sprinkled with a bit of humor.

    I also agree with Marg that it's important to take care of ourselves at the same time we're taking care of our difficult children. Unfortunately, I learned this lesson the hard way, in my humble opinion, way too late. Now, I'm doing my best to take care of myself and hoping that, as a result, I'll have a bit more patience to deal with the daily "garbage" difficult child 2 and easy child(?)/difficult child 3(?) still put me through.

    Hope you find a reason to smile today... SFR
  16. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    For our difficult child the answer is yes. A thousand times better this year then last. Partly because we (HD and I) have learned how to manage it better. Partly because we learned how to be calm, Partly because difficult child decided he did not want to be the person he was becoming (major part). and Partly because he got interested in a team sport and knows he must do better to stay on the team.

    I think some get better and some get worse, few remain constant. Each is an individual. You can learn more, develop better strategies and try everything you can think of, but you can not force the child unless they want to change. And somewhere along the line you need to take care of yourself as well.