Change IS possible!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by So Tired, Dec 4, 2012.

  1. So Tired

    So Tired Member

    Hello - I just wanted to stop in an make a short post. I haven't been here in so long that it took me a minute to remember my screen name! 5 years ago this forum helped me get thru the days as my son spiraled out of control. I just wanted to post to others that are in the midst of this that change IS possible. My son is now 23 and it finally feels like we may actually have turned a corner. He is working pretty much full time, gets up ON HIS OWN, and makes it to work on time. He even got two substanial raises this year because he is doing such a good job at work. He is still living at home and hasn't managed to get any college completed, but I do feel a real change in that he seems to understand that his choices have long term consequences. 5 years ago I would have said that I was done, and resigned to the fact that he and I would never have any kind of relationship. And we still have our moments and battles, but I no longer feel afraid of what each day will bring, and we do have some actual pleasant times. Sometimes I even see that inside him somewhere he really does value our home and some of the things that he used to think were so stupid, like morals, and values, and cleanliness, and family, and caring about others. I'm not sure if it will help anyone, but I just wanted to say that change is possible, even after you run out of hope. And to thank the people on this forum for being here at a time when I desperately needed them...
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks for the positive post, it's always a pleasure to hear the success stories. I am so glad your son is doing well. Perhaps your screen name no longer fits!
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    So Tired, I remember you from when you used to post. I am so glad to hear this update. Thanks for letting us know. It's always good to hear the happy stories.
    Nice to "see" you.

  4. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Thanks for posting this So Tired! My difficult child is 18 and we are in the midst of him "spiraling out of control". Some days things seem hopeless. He's in jail again for the second time in a month and I don't see how he's going to get himself together at this point. Thanks for the encouraging post! It helps to know that things can get better!
  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the update - it does feel great to read a success story. I hope his choices and your relationship together improves even further!
    P.S. What's your secret? Was it just a case of his maturing?
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wonderful news -- thanks so much for coming back and sharing this with us :)
  7. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    I am happy you posted and glad that your difficult child is doing well. Reading your post gives me hope.
  8. So Tired

    So Tired Member

    Thank you all for the kind words! There was no big turning point of anything. Just very, very slowly difficult child's attitude started to shift. It had a lot to do with him getting a job in which he felt appreciated and valued. It was a big boon to his self image. And, over time, he began to realize that all his wonderful "friends" were users that took advantage of people. He used to be so angry that I didn't like these people and didn't want them at my home. It took him getting hurt by them in many ways over for him to see that these people were in lousy situations because they made stupid decisions. So I guess, it was nothing I said or did different, difficult child just had to figure things out the hard way and mature some emotionally. We do still have arguments, but we are both learning to walk away before things get seriously ugly. There are still bad times, but they are less frequent and blow over more easily, so I'm calling that progress! I just wanted to let others know to have strength. Many times I was cried out and hopeless over my difficult child and life seemed too hard to go on. I wanted to let you know how much I appreciated having somewhere to turn to during those times. It's not like I posted a lot, but I read posts and it helped to know I was not alone, and neither are you...
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2012