BKS
New Member
So as it happens this time of year, we receive one of those newsy Christmas letters from a family member or friend. This one came in today from the family (father, mother, son, daughter) and my husband grew up with the father. They are great people, salt of the earth, and we really love them. We see them a couple of times a year and enjoy their company.
This year their letter reads like a who's-who list of accomplishments for their two children (age 21 and 18) from Honor Society, church leadership positions, community leadership roles (the son 'takes on naturally'), working with children in their community, youth programs, etc. - both children are making our friends (rightfully) 'so very proud.' The youngest is looking at colleges right now.
My husband and I have one child, 19 years old, kicked out of the house, unemployed, and proudly doing drugs. We didn't sign his name to our Christmas card this year because he isn't living with us and we weren't sure if he would 'go off' that we included him on our card. I cannot write my own letter of our past year but instead I made a list (for this group only) of the positives in our lives:
I have decided that we are thankful for the fact our son is alive, young, and has his life ahead of him. We are thankful for the peace that he is not living under our roof because of the ghastly stress this was causing our family. We are thankful that he is in touch with my husband (mostly by text) " even though some of his updates are stories bragging of different drugs he is experimenting with. Our family therapist has told us to ignore these messages and make no response and we are thankful that we can receive this professional advice. We are thankful for our health and the ability to look toward the future, with hopes that our son will find a sober and productive adulthood. And importantly, last but NOT LEAST, we are grateful for this forum allowing us to exchanges thoughts, prayers, and feelings with others going through similar struggles. Without the comradeship, advice, compassion, and care from those on this site, we would certainly be in even greater pain including feelings of isolation from the rest of the world who seem to have normal children moving forward with their lives. Plenty of blessings to appreciate - I just don't want to mail them out in a newsy holiday letter.
Best, BKS
I would like to add a postscript. As I write this I am trying to be positive. However, I keep wondering what my husband and I did/didn't do............
This year their letter reads like a who's-who list of accomplishments for their two children (age 21 and 18) from Honor Society, church leadership positions, community leadership roles (the son 'takes on naturally'), working with children in their community, youth programs, etc. - both children are making our friends (rightfully) 'so very proud.' The youngest is looking at colleges right now.
My husband and I have one child, 19 years old, kicked out of the house, unemployed, and proudly doing drugs. We didn't sign his name to our Christmas card this year because he isn't living with us and we weren't sure if he would 'go off' that we included him on our card. I cannot write my own letter of our past year but instead I made a list (for this group only) of the positives in our lives:
I have decided that we are thankful for the fact our son is alive, young, and has his life ahead of him. We are thankful for the peace that he is not living under our roof because of the ghastly stress this was causing our family. We are thankful that he is in touch with my husband (mostly by text) " even though some of his updates are stories bragging of different drugs he is experimenting with. Our family therapist has told us to ignore these messages and make no response and we are thankful that we can receive this professional advice. We are thankful for our health and the ability to look toward the future, with hopes that our son will find a sober and productive adulthood. And importantly, last but NOT LEAST, we are grateful for this forum allowing us to exchanges thoughts, prayers, and feelings with others going through similar struggles. Without the comradeship, advice, compassion, and care from those on this site, we would certainly be in even greater pain including feelings of isolation from the rest of the world who seem to have normal children moving forward with their lives. Plenty of blessings to appreciate - I just don't want to mail them out in a newsy holiday letter.
Best, BKS
I would like to add a postscript. As I write this I am trying to be positive. However, I keep wondering what my husband and I did/didn't do............
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