Christmas update!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Gone, Dec 11, 2014.

  1. Gone

    Gone Guest

    Thank you SO much everyone for your ongoing support on here!

    It is SO hard to find a good forum for the parents of substance abusers and believe me I have looked LOL

    I am happy to say my GS will NOT be going home for Christmas and beyond! :teethy:

    The new SW is EXCELLENT and COMPLETELY put her foot down with my difficult child and told her a flat out NO and that my GS was going away with the foster carer for Christmas and that she won't be seeing him over Christmas now

    I think my difficult child made it WORSE for herself by thinking she could LIE to SS and say she had stopped drinking and is ready to have my GS back when NEITHER is actually true..

    The RELIEF I feel that my GS is and will continue to be safe and well is IMMENSE , the stress and worry about Christmas and my GS's future in my difficult child's care WAY too early was giving me sleepless nights

    So am SO happy I wrote to SS before they totally put their foot down with her and told them I do NOT want him returned as it is way too early and HIGHLY likely to go wrong and the affect the stress and disorder / disruption would have on my GS as at least he is SETTLED where he is

    He would LOVE to come home to a stable , happy , secure and CLEAN Mum but that is NOT the case and it would have been CHAOS and distress for him and I wanted to do EVERYTHING I COULD to PROTECT him from that , hence sending the email to SS expressing my very real concerns!!

    I am SO relieved they managed to proper put their foot down with her , this SW is very professional and is a SENIOR one so knows her stuff and has been dealing with similar family situations for years I should imagine so knows the tactics parents use to try and get their kids home for Christmas / too early and I was wondering if they will limit my difficult child's contact for a while as she is seen as a threat to my GS right now

    I hope they up the security at the contact centre as it isn't very high at all in case she still tries to DO SOMETHING STUPID , but HOPEFULLY she has got the message LOUD AND CLEAR!

    I think they used the drink driving report as evidence of her last drinking incident so my difficult child is of course once again fuming at and blaming me but I don't CARE at least my GS is SAFE and well :childish:

    I can now have a QUIET , peaceful , stress free , calm and HOMELY Christmas here in my new home rather than stay over at my difficult child's house with CHAOS AND STRESS and I was NOT looking forward to it at all

    Actually beginning to look forward to a more settled , peaceful Christmas now and can concentrate on ME and my home now and can detach more from my difficult child which helps that she is angry with me as it is an excuse for me to stay away and have some nice detachment in place and yes , detachment IS NICE! LOL xxxx
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    It's always nice to take a long break from an abuser. Your daughter abuses her son with her wild behavior with him and not looking out for his safety. And she abuses you with her words, which are nonsense. It is her, not you.

    I hope this foster home loves your GS so much that he can stay there and even get adopted. I truly don't think your daughter is stable and probably would not be even if she quit using substances, which seems unlikely. Sounds like, as in so many of our adult children who act like babies, she probably has a personality disorder, maybe borderline. Borderlines don't really know how to care for others unless they get intensive, extreme help with their own motivation and drive. I don't think it's just the alcohol making your daughter a bad mom. I hope that was not too harsh, but seems she has always had issues with authority and responsibility, traits that you don't lose just because you get sober.Some alcoholics try very hard to take good care of this children. Your daughter isn't one of them. She also, like personality disordered people, does not accept the blame, which makes it very hard for her to want to change. Takes a ton of hard work and determination and want to change your brain's wiring. She seems lazy.

    Don't feel bad. Most of our difficult children are that way. That's why we are here. They do not just have minor issues!!! Many are horrid parents. It's all about them, ya know? The kids aren't first, the way WE put THEM first.

    It would give GS stability and a stable home and you'd have peace of mind if he could stop moving back and forth and if the carers learned to love him as one of their own and decided to keep him with them and if SS looked at the truth and allowed it. Of course, regarding SS I realize I am dreaming...

    Good work, Grandma!!!
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2014
  3. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    Great news for you and your GS! You both deserve some peace and I'm sure knowing your difficult child can't take him at will is a huge load off your shoulders!!

    You did great!!
  4. Gone

    Gone Guest

    I don't feel upset about what you said about my difficult child Midwest Mom , she is not thinking straight at present and has times of calm and order in her life , followed by some type of drama and bad choices etc

    What DOES hurt and cuts like a knife is the idea of me LOSING my GS and him being ADOPTED after all I have done to keep him safe , work on myself and my home , the peace calm and stability here when I am away from my difficult child especially - I KNOW I could give him a good home for life if neccessary and NO ONE could love him like I do - I have loved him from day 1 I set my eyes on him , the bond we have between us is indescribabale so are you saying it would be BETTER for him if he was adopted by a stranger who grows to love him , that is the easy bit loving him because he is so adorable but what makes you think a foster or adoptive carer would take BETTER care of him than me who knows him through and through and can take very good care of him

    SS have not said an ''out and out NO'' to me , they said I have not been ruled out

    So SURELY there is some hope for me?

    I was surprised and hurt you mentioned adoption , especially after all I have been through and done for him thus far

    I have been as firm as a poker with my difficult child and know I can offer him a secure and happy home here

    Please don't forget that my heart and aim is to have him here if my difficult child cannot manage and the foster care is supposed to be a temporary solution alone

    It really hurts me that you have ruled me out and I hope to God SS don't do the same! :angry-very:
  5. Gone

    Gone Guest

    Thank God I believe in myself if no one else believes in me

    Am going to have to leave this forum now , sorry!
  6. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    We DO believe in you. in my opinion I don't believe MWM was suggesting he would be better off without YOU. What I've gleened from your posts (perhaps wrongly) is that SS wasn't considering you as an option and that's why it would would have been better for your GS to stay where is.

    By all means, if you are "in the running" I think you would make a very happy and healthy home for your GS and I hope it all works out for you.

    In the meantime, getting help for yourself to get through these tough times is so important for your health so when (if) the time comes, you can be whole and ready to take on full time care of your GS. It's a big undertaking - believe me, I know. My GS is 3 and his mama is in recovery away from home, and I don't see her ever coming back for him - by her choice. She's only seen him once in 3 months and really doesn't even ask about him. Sad.

    Please don't leave the forum. We've all had things said that may sting a bit, but in the end, we are in very good company with others that have been there, done that, and it has helped me tremendously. You said before what a help this forum has been for you. We are all here for you.

  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    That's exactly what I meant. I hope she doesn't leave either, but I do think it's better for GS to be in a safe place than with difficult child who has put him constantly at risk. I know how SS is and they apparently are not considering her as the one who will get custody. GS is much safer with foster family right now than he could ever be with his mother. I do think Grandma should have very liberal visitation.
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    As a grandmother that has done everything in the world to protect her GS from the moment I found out he existed, I SO feel your pain. I feel EXACTLY the same about my precious boy and my heart would be broken in a million pieces if he was with ANYONE but us. I would think they would want the child with family first and if you are so willing to have him, I cannot see why in the world they wouldn't place him with you immediately. It is not fair. Not at all. I am praying you are reunited with your GS as quickly as possible!!! <3