Clarification...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by mof, Jul 20, 2017.

  1. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I did not act disrespectfully, I did not yell and act foolish. I did not lie while looking at you while faced with evidence. I did not attempt to be humble and admit mistakes and or tell a believeable scenario.

    I did not lose a job that I respected, I did not squander my money on excess food or be allowed to be taken advantage of.

    So please don't even ACUSE me of accusing you of drug use. Sober non using people do not have needles in the car, or syringe tops in your room. You yelled at me to dare think you were using?

    Then you ask if you may dine with us, I know you have no money and are living with people who are taking advantage.

    Remind me why you dare make me question myself????? These were YOUR CHOICES and no truth has poured from you. No please , Thank you or "I messed up".

    Figure it out.... I am a parent who will protect my loved ones. When you can be that loved one who can love without boundaries, drugs and accusations...then maybe I can heal from my scars.

    I pray your mind clears, but mostly I pray you will find the hard truth that will give you power to be free.

    Tough Love sucks.....
     
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Tough love is tough on everybody.
     
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    It's hard to watch them on their journey isn't it?

    No popcorn needed for this show!!
     
  4. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    "Anger sets boundaries around us when we feel threatened. When something feels intuitively wrong to us, as when we are being mistreated, we tend to feel anger. This is an internal sign to us that we need to remove ourselves from a situation that is not treating us well. " I read this somewhere and have found it to be true. Rather than always feel from my heart, anger has sometimes carried me over to the other side and given me the courage to state my boundaries finally and to let the other person know that its NOT OKAY anymore to do what they are doing. I think MOF this is where you are at and good for you! It doesn't mean our hearts still aren't breaking, but if we can rely on this push from our own human spirit it will help us to keep walking! Hugs.
     
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  5. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    wisernow, I, was hoping for a little "wisdom button" for that post.:bpotd:
     
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  6. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis


    I am so angry and heartbroken. But angry and resentful, why should I be a broken person when I am only a character in this play.

    No more, my life is worth more.

    Still hard
     
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  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    My son never could fool me. I guess in some ways I am thankful for that because I never doubted what was going on. I was confused at times but I knew drugs or alcohol were being abused.

    I guess I did doubt my sanity at times for allowing it to go on for so long but he would go through long periods of sobriety and all would be peaceful yet he never really committed to sobriety.
     
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  8. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    And the story continues.

    I was told this week that this just becomes a thread in life. Likemy woven strip his thread is there and I take the good and deal with the bad.

    But his thread does not in return weaken my fabric.

    Found his newborn bracelet, a past good.... hard
     
  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Very well put and very wise!
     
  10. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I had to take my sons photos from baby and childhood out of my room. I would collapse into a puddle of tears each time I saw them. Time may heal who knows but for now I need to stay strong. Stay strong mof you are worth it.
     
  11. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    When my son thinks he is pulling one over on me I explain to him that simply because I don't engage him in angry battles any more does not mean I condone his behaviour. I explain itnis his life. Soon 18. He will have some chocies to make and so will I.
     
  12. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I also put away my sons pictures when he went back to prison in jan, second time. I am not going to visit him at all either like i did the first time. He chose drugs stealing prison, instead of family. He knew from first time what drugs robbery can do, so he does it again. Well, im not living in his world any longer and if his goal is to kill himself slowly , then get on with it and leave me be
     
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  13. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I'm actually thinking our son needs to go to jail for reality. Time will take its course. I have removed some child photos. Down hill so fast. Angry, resentful.
     
  14. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Anger will protect your heart and give you strength. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
     
  15. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Im with you mof, i too am so angry and bitter. Since hes not here. I take it out on others. Working on that
     
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  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Anger is not constructive in my opinion. Determination for us to do better in the face of problems we cant control...i feel that is better. Anger, which I have experienced, hurts us even more, including our health, and hurts others around us.
     
  17. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Anger is a natural part of the grieving process. We are all human and need to allow ourselves to recognize and understand this. It is important to find healthy and positive ways to manage our anger. Denial, Anger, Bargainig, Rejection and Acceptance. We transition through these phases and not necessarily in a tidy order.
     
  18. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I never stay in "anger" for very long no matter what has happened to me or who has done what. So to protect yourself it's good to plan for the other emotions that are sure to come!
     
  19. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, yes, anger is part of grief for sure. A stage we pass through. Like RN, i try to move past anger, which I used too much before I learned that it did not serve me...or anyone. Anger can ruin health and our relationships with others we love. I try at this timd to make anger into more neutral emotions. If I am not happy with somebody: ""Well, two nice people dont always get along. And thats okay." Or when I feel wronged, which happens less and less as I back off ftom people who I feel negativity from, "I wish xxx things were different, but I can move on and be happy. NOBODY can hurt me or sadden me unless I agree to let them. How I feel is because of my thoughts, not other people." This thinking really helps me.

    We create our own realities. We choose whether or not to let others break us. We dont have to let it be this way. We can take back our own.power and not let others bring us down. I never got anyehere being angry except stuck on what angered me. Anger is potent snd often toxic if it grips us like a chain and throws away the key. It does not propel us forward.
     
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  20. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    What he does angers me, but I don't let it bleed on others. Anger stems from disappointment, frustration and the hurt.

    I need to remember those things in order to protect my heart, then I will move to another phase.

    For now I'm guarding my heart.
     
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