difficult child is still in jail and his next court appearance is June 25, when the court will determine what the consequences of his breaking probation are. In February, it was spelled out that "the next time" you will go to prison. He has six different charges and multiple probation violations, which equal 8 or 9 times in jail in the last three years. All charges are drug related, including shoplifting, theft, possession, and selling. Over the past few weeks, I have had more phone calls from the Shreveport, LA (poor Shreveport) phone exchange---that is a company the jail system here uses for their inmate phone calls. Evidently difficult child gets one "free" five minute call when his legal situation changes, but after that you have to put money on the account. I don't do that anymore as it's a rip off and I don't need to talk to difficult child on a regular basis by phone----not good for me. Last week I called the phone company after yet another "sales" call (so I thought) to find out that all of these calls are initiated by difficult child from jail. I haven't heard from him via letter since the first two letters he wrote right after he got arrested---asking me to "do things." I posted one of them on another thread. I haven't been to visit him. I have decided this. I will visit after his June 25 date. To do so earlier will mean I subject myself to the endless "how am I going to get out of this" workings of his mind. Lies, justification, rationalization, help me, victimhood. That's the MO. I don't want to hear it. Last night, my easy child told me that difficult child gets two envelopes, paper and two stamps a week to write letters. I did not know this but knowing this is illuminating. I sent him a postcard Monday. It said, I will visit you after your court date. I am not going to put money on a phone account. Evidently you can write letters from time to time, so if you want to write me, please do so. I love you. I hope things work out for the best for you. I am gaining clarity. Things are getting simpler in my mind about difficult child. I am very thankful for these respites (jail times) for me, as they allow me to move further along. I have been reading online some accounts from people who have been to prison and finally "got it" there. Is prison a bad place? I'm sure it is not fun. However, at this point, I am actually hoping that is where difficult child lands because time is his ally and mine. If he continues like he has been, I am afraid he will die. A homeless man killed another in our town a couple of weeks ago. My difficult child won't comply with any place or system that requires a drug test, i.e., overnight shelters or food stamp reapplication. That's not what he says, but it is what he does. I know most drug addicts are strong survivors but the street is a dangerous place and taking drugs is a dangerous business. My friend's son died this past Christmas because of an accidental lethal overdose of pills and alcohol. His addiction is powerful. Last night easy child's fiancee said to me, at the dinner table with all there: "Well he is a sociopath, don't you think?" I am thankful that I didn't have to react to that statement. It was surprising in many respects but what is important was my response. I was able to say, well we just don't know that. What we know is that he is a drug addict. Until he is in recovery, there is no way to evaluate his mental status. She is a brand new pharmacist, but she doesn't know anything about addiction. She also didn't know difficult child before all of this, so all she knows is his current behavior. I am afraid that her lack of knowledge and empathy for difficult child is going to cause problems with her and easy child but I can't do anything about that either. It's like my son's addiction was this huge cloud that covered and colored everything. Now, it is a much smaller bubble over there. I am becoming more and more separate from it. This site, and other tools that I use, have been tremendous helps in my evolution. I am very thankful for each person who writes and shares and tells the truth about their pain and their heartbreak and their thinking. Every single writing helps me. Thank you.