Clean slate with Fred

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by danablue, Jan 31, 2011.

  1. danablue

    danablue Guest

    Just checking in to report that Fred's neuropsychologist exam is next Monday. I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about it -- just to get a direction to go in with this kid will be good. Rev has said a couple times, "I feel like he's slipping away from us." I feel like this is our chance to draw him back in.

    Oddly enough, when I was filling out the parental assessment packet, I was reminded of some of the wonderful things about Fred: his empathy (when he's not being a sociopath), his glimmers of genius, his quirky sense of humor. For the first time in a while, I remembered why I liked this kid. As I said: odd.

    There's a woman at our church who has taken a real interest in Fred and two other boys (including her god-son, who is similar to Fred but a little younger). She has arranged a financial incentive for behaviour and grades, a mentor for each boy, and oversight by the Pastor and his wife -- whom all of the boys really respect and want to please. They memorize Scripture and are held accountable week by week. Fred missed out on getting his payout yesterday because his behaviour for January and his grades were not good.

    So in addition to all this, we decided to move Fred out of his charter school and into a regular district K-8 school. I know it seems like we're giving in to him (given how much he hated his charter school and was pretty much doing everything he could to get kicked out), but eventually we decided that he wasn't going to pass 8th grade there because he had just stopped trying. It was really stressful for all of us wondering each day if today's the day he gets kicked out of school. The school was actually pretty patient, but only because we were on speed dial. Rev would drop everything and go up there whenever there was a problem. We really wouldn't have been able to do this for another 5 months.

    The frustrating thing is that when he does the work, he gets As, and when he doesn't, he gets Fs. He would not be able to repeat 8th grade at the charter, but he would be able to do so at his new school (if he really can't pull it together). So we moved him, and he started today. We told him on Saturday (he cried a bit about leaving his friends, but we assured him that if he does what he's supposed to, he'll be able to socialize with them since he won't be ON LOCK DOWN all the time). Yesterday, the boys' meeting included A LOT of positive reinforcement about succeeding in his new school.

    The thing I like best is that the new school has an actual guidance counselor, not just a so-called "counselor" whose sole job seems to be to get the 8th graders into private high schools.

    We're on the up end of whatever disorder cycle Fred is dealing with, and I feel, for the moment, hopeful that we'll find a way to help him.

    I know many of you are dealing with so much more than this, and I appreciate your strength and wisdom, and wish you the best.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad to hear things are looking up. I hope the neuro-psychiatric exam gives some good insight. I think that it is great that he has a mentor and other supports in place.