Complex situation....

timer lady

Queen of Hearts
husband, myself, kt along with her PCA went to tour a new respite facility yesterday afternoon. While kt & PCA went out to check out the yard & nearby park husband & I dealt with the SW intake.

by the way, it's a beautiful respite home with staff onsite. Having said that, as we were "explaining" kt & her many antics & such I believe that SW was becoming a bit scared.

Her comment was "this is a very complex child & situation". I replied "you have a CADI license through the state to provide respite; do you think you're going to have sweet & gentle clients? This program isn't for the faint of heart. If we were just dealing with a hyperactive kid (no insult intended) do you think we'd be given respite? If it wasn't complex, do you think we'd have all these services, psychiatrist, therapist, & other interventions in place? "

I wasn't livid, just tired of hearing how complex our ktbug & her twin difficult our situation is. Dah! :hammer:


Well-Known Member
I can understand your frustration. on the other hand, I doubt they have had
many children like yours in the past and the many possible crisis
situations probably frightened her a bit. What is "every day" to
each of us as parents (and certainly magnified in your family) is
beyond the comprehension of many. Hope you have a great rest and
your daughter enjoys a PCish break, too. Hugs. DDD


New Member

Sorry you got that sort of feeling from someone who is in place to help. I hate retelling difficult child's situation to new people. On one hand, you want to be as honest and informational as possible so that they have the full story and are prepared and on the other hand, it is so tiring to go through it all over again - not to mention the look they give you says 'really? wow!'.

I am forever getting the feeling that our difficult child is the only kid like him that has ever gone through our local system. Not a good feeling.

I'm glad the respite home is beautiful - and that the staff is onsite. Here's hoping the sw gets over her own complex issues and this becomes a true respite for you, husband & kt.


Well-Known Member
I can only imagine just how tired you are of hearing 'your tweedles are such a complex situation'. I am sure nobody means to annoy or bug you at all with that statement. I am betting most people say it with awe in their statement at just what you have taken on. I can envision feeling very frustrated by that constant reminder of how difficult your life has become. Ugh! I am doing it to you myself!

I will shut up now!

Have a lovely weekend Linda!


Nice response. I understand the exasperation over the things people say - especially those that should know better.

Wiped Out

Well-Known Member
Staff member
I'm glad the place sounds so neat. I'm sorry sw seemed a bit scared. I'm sure you are tired of hearing how difficult your situation is. Hugs.

timer lady

Queen of Hearts
Thanks ladies - this was a huge whine on my part. It can be depressing sharing this stuff over & over; having people look at you & tell you what "saints" you are, yada, yada, yada.

husband & I adopted because we chose to be parents - wanted to have children in our lives & marriage. While it's been a challenge (& I'd never go this route again) in the end kt & wm are the children of my heart.


Well-Known Member
No matter that we took our children on, Linda. They ARE a part of our family and we love them dearly. I also get tired of people asking me if I'd have wanted difficult child if I'd known the challenge we were all going to face. WHAT???? He's my SON!!! Get it???, most of them don't get it.

I so hope the facility works out for all of you.



New Member
I'm sure some of you have felt that our lives play like a very tragic made for TV movie - if you had asked me one year ago if I could imagine our family going through all of the horrible stuff we have been through.... I would have said no way. There are very few people even in our close family who know all of the "horrible" details - I feel protective toward others - it is one thing for others to know enough to support us, but quite another thing for me to dump all of the terrors, horrors and sadness on everyone else.

Just think how resilient we will all be after this!


Active Member
Linda, I don't mean this unkindly, but I think your tweedles situation is so extreme and unusual that few people would know how to respond to you when first being introduced to the family situation. I'm not in your shoes so haven't had to endure meeting up with the zillions of people that you have, but it seems to me it would be preferable for them to make a statement indicating they grasp the complexity of the situation than to say nothing and miss the boat completely.

What, in your opinion, would be an appropriate way for a person to respond to you in such a situation?

timer lady

Queen of Hearts

Not an unkind word - just a reminder to me. My tweedles are very complex; it's become such a way of life I forget this isn't the "norm" - even of GFGness.

Thanks, lady.


Well-Known Member
Our situation is very different from yours, but I don't appreciate people pointing out how different we are or difficult our situation is. I'm keenly aware of my family's differences when compared to a typical family. Duckie, however, is not. And I'd like it to stay that way as long as possible because this <span style='font-size: 14pt'>is</span> normal for her.


New Member
No matter that we took our children on, Linda. They ARE a part of our family and we love them dearly. I also get tired of people asking me if I'd have wanted difficult child if I'd known the challenge we were all going to face. WHAT???? He's my SON!!!

I can so relate! I just remind them that there are no guarantees even in the born to us variety.

Linda, I am glad the facility seems like a god one. -RM


New Member
husband and I call this "our normal". Sometimes it actually still shocks me when someone puts our situation into a certain light. After all of these years, I guess we've just learned to cope day-to-day and when someone plunks it into a certain box or gives it a label such as "complex" it's sometimes overwhelming. As complex as it may seem to someone else, it's 'our normal'.