Cutting up DVDs -- I've never felt so satisfied...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Nov 5, 2009.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    especially porn DVDs found in my difficult child's bedroom. Who knew that destroying little plastic discs could feel so good?

    Found them in an empty jigsaw puzzle box. Suspected they were there when I walked in on him kneeling in front of his TV. He made a dash for the closet as I walked in. Was SUPPOSED to be doing homework. Lied and said he was watching Star Wars. Maybe Porn Star Wars, but definitely not the George Lucas film I've come to know and love over the years. Starting acting like a 12yo when I asked him to give me the movie. Refused to take it out of the player and started whining and making promises to do his homework right away. Well, THERE'S a big-red-I'm-lying-to-my-mom-flag. I just dropped it and figured I'd search the room after I took him to soccer practice (which is where he is now).

    Hopefully that's all there is. :mad:

    Some day he'll learn that he is not smarter than his mom. And he'll NEVER be smarter than my instincts.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Ever tried cooking them in the microwave? The DVDs, I mean...

    The difficult child watching porn, I presume it's the 15 yo? Because looking at porn is something that teenage boys will just about ALL try to do, at some stage.

    When difficult child 1 went through the porn-watching stage, I did not destroy the stuff. Instead I sat down with him and analysed it. There's nothing so off-putting as looking at YOUR porn with your mother, especially when she then makes you look up "dead porn stars" online. If you Google it (within double quote marks) and then look for the "frances farmer's revenge" link, you will find a long list of porn stars, male and female, with the cause of death and date of death next to their names. There are some photos including female topless pics so be warned. However, you already know he's been looking at this stuff, right? And looking at it knowing these people have died, often way too young and for reasons connected in some way to their involvement in porn, can be more effective at putting him off porn than any number of parental bans and destruction of DVDs.

    You can't find them all. He will have a better hiding place next time. And there will be a next time.

    But if you can be inside his head next time and help him realise just how destructive and exploitative porn is, to those who choose it, then you will be turning this into a very effective lesson in the negative aspects and often criminally exploitative nature of the porn industry. People get into porn out of desperation to be famous; desperation to make a lot of money quickly (often linked to a drug habit or other illegal activity) and find they can't always get out of it so easily. The porn industry is very wasteful of people. Male stars tend to last longer but the female stars tend to get chewed up and spat out after only a year or two. There are always more girls waiting in line for their chance - younger, prettier, looking more innocent. The young, innocent and pretty ones don't look that way for long.

    You could even choose a name here or there and look them up in Wikipedia for even more detailed information on how they died, and why. Do a bit of homework yourself, first, so you won't get any nasty surprises with him sitting next to you.

    A lot of people go into porn to make a few extra dollars to pay the rent, then find themselves trapped by drugs, by crime, by exploitation and finally by self-loathing. There are exceptions - people who made their pile of money from porn then got out without it tainting them. But they are in the minority.

    Your aim in this, is for difficult child, next time he looks at porn, to only see that parade of names of the dead and the reasons for their premature demises. He needs to learn just how destructive the porn INDUSTRY is, to those whose faces and bodies he's ogling.

    This is a somewhat more socially responsible form of aversion therapy than the principle of making a kid smoke the contents of a pack of cigarettes you found on him.

  3. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

     And he'll NEVER be smarter than my instincts. 		
    Tis true. But mine keeps trying to push the limits. :laugh:
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I recall that satisfied feeling after breaking a CD that was uncensored - that her dad bought her. Sigh.

    They try us for sure!
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I have a little bit different point of view on this one...

    As long as the porn does not debase ANYONE, and is not ILLEGAL, I do not find it an issue - IF IT IS NOT HIDDEN.

    XH had an addiction, online and otherwise, and tried to hide it from me. It turned out that he was more interested in that, than me. GRR!

    husband, on the other hand, doesn't have a whole lot, but what he does have, he shares. I've gotten used to the, "You gotta come see this!" bit.

    It doesn't do much for me, but as long as it does not put down anyone, I don't mind so much. I'll probably buy the first Penthouse for Jett - when he's ready. And Onyxx? Toys are much better than boys, in my opinion, 'cause they cannot give her diseases or get her pregnant. So if she wants porn, I'll discuss with her. (THAT should scare the heck out of her... LOL)
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im kinda like Marg. Now my boys just run for the hills screaming when the topic of sex comes Jamie swears that he gets the image of two beached whales in his head every time he thinks of us that way.

    I almost caused him not to be able to have sex with his first wife because I took her to a sex shop before they got married and we went looking for dirty movies and sexy nighties. We called him from the shop and we could hear him blushing as he told me "just get out of THAT STORE NOW!" LOL. He swore every time she put on that nightie he thought of me...lmao!
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I think it may have been, "Star Wh*res".... I am slinking over to the corner now!

    K is becoming very hyper-sexual, at 8...ugh. I am so not ready.
    The American Girl body books are coming out this weekend.

    We have been very open about our bodies etc. But I haven't figured out what I would do about this yet?
    I think it seems like the boys do the porn thing more than the girls. Statistically at least... but BiPolar (BP) girls are a bit worse that NT girls.
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good job, but I'm sure you will be tested often.

    I felt such euphoria when I finally tok difficult child's car to my Dad's and took all her cd's which were a collection of X rated songs, and smashed them. With each cd that I smashed I felt better. It's amazing how empowering that is.

  9. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    That is fun isn't it? The destroying....not the finding. husband had (might still....not sure) a small collection of Playboy's. He had them behind the closed doors of a small tv stand on the far side of our bedroom before we figured out we had to start locking our door. difficult child had found them but instead of stealing the entire magazine, he ripped pages out. I found his stash once when he was on a visit to some of his bio family and I shoveled out his room. (Literally! LOL) In addition to the magazine pages, I also found a notebook that he had drawn naked women in. Apparently difficult child is a breast man judging from the drawings. difficult child was 11 at the time.

    I think in some ways, finding this kind of stuff is fairly normal for boys. You just have to watch to make sure it doesn't become a major issue, Know what I mean?? And keep up with the dad/son talks about healthy sexual relationships, respect for women, birth control, etc.
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Stang, on the show Pawn Stars (it is about a Pawn shop) they say men tend to hold on to those magazines. Soemthing difficult for them about giving them up.
  11. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    I'll never forget the time my mom sold all my dad's playboy's to an old man at a garage sale. Dad was sooo mad...I guess he was keeping them in case they were worth something someday..heehee

    but then, my mom always was my hero.
  12. tictoc

    tictoc New Member

    Can I have a turn? Breaking DVDs, I mean. My difficult child is only 7 (thank goodness), but I know my day will come, too. I love Marguerite's suggestions.

    Must admit, though, I that I have a collection of erotic literature, which I would be happy to let either of my children have at the right age.
  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I've mentioned before on this site - I also took my kids shopping for condoms. Here they can be bought in the supermarkets, so we were cruising the aisles collecting toothpasge, breakfast cereal, and prophylactics. I wasn't overly loud, but the kids found it VERY off-putting when I told them that it's important to get the right ones, the ribbed ones aren't always as effective at prevention and frankly, it's a part of a woman's anatomy that won't feel the difference at that level. Also, the flavoured ones aern't that crash hot, especially the banana - it's very chemical.

    After that, they were with me as we went through the checkout, loading it all into bags.

    I think it bought another two years of celibacy in our kids...

    Mind you, difficult child 1 had his stash of porn, supplied by a young friend of his (who nicked them from his brother). difficult child 1 was 17 when suspended by his deputy principal (for something unrelated, but they had badly over-reacted and began to make wild accusations about difficult child 1). We had gone back after the three day suspension for the "I hope you're going to behave now" talk, I had brought a letter with me (for the principal, not the deputy, marked personal which the deputy opened in front of me - it was a complaint about the deputy).
    So the deputy was determined to switch my anger around so instead of me being angry with her, I would be angry with difficult child 1. She began producing stuff they'd taken from his bag when he'd been searched three days earlier. In his bag had been "some porn". The deputy shoved it onder my nose and said, "This is disgusting!"

    I took the very crumpled, crushed pages. I opened them out (carefully - they were crumbling) and noted aloud that tthere had been a great deal of air-brushing of the pictures, the only things you could see were carefully figleafed naked females posing. No full-frontal, no male nudity, all that was visible were average-sized breasts. Now in Australia we have magazines of this calibre available for sale to minors. Heck, even our nespapers sometimes have bare-breasted women on thier pages. Plus I noted that the pages were very crumpled. I said, "These were right at the bottom of his bag, weren't they?"
    The deputy agreed this was the case.
    I said, "In fact, these pages were there composting, weren't they? He clearly hadn't taken them out to look at them, probably not in years. They could have been there for years." (I later found out this was the case.)
    So I went on. "Why are you trying to make me angry with my son for merely expressing his heterosexuality like a normal Aussie male? How is it at all relevant? How many other bags did you search without warning? I bet if you searched the bags and the lockers of the boys in difficult child 1's grade, as well as a few grades below, you will find this sort of stuff and a lot more. And you will also have a lot of very angry parents asking WHY you did this. In difficult child 1's case, you had concerns because of his behaviour - we agree, he was being an idiot. But it had nothing to do with any soft-porn crumpled pages composting in the bottom of his bag. Now, let's get back to the topic."

    Do you remember the old jokes about two generations ago, how the only "dirty pictures" boys could get their hands on, was the anthropology stuff in "National Geographic"?

    There are some levels of "stuff" for want of a better word, which I do not like and will not have in the house. But not merely because of what it depicts, but because it depicts it in a negative, degrading way. I still will not destroy it, however. Instead, I drag it out to the light of day and DISCUSS it with the kid responsible (and anybody else who happens to wander past). This is far more embarrassing for the kid and also removes the natural outrage of "you trashed my stuff!"

    Far better to make the kid trash it himself.