Toto, thanks for starting this thread.
My difficult child simply CANNOT stay safe on the computer. He has no judgement and no boundaries about what's safe or unsafe, goes to highly inappropriate sites, reveals sensitive personal information (not just his own, either), and generally over-communicates when given access to IM, e-mail or social networking sites.
Here are the things we've done, and the reasons behind them:
1) No computers in private spaces--this includes bedrooms, dens, and anyplace with a door that shuts, or a desk that backs onto a wall. Someone in charge must be able to see difficult child's computer screen at all times.
2) 100% supervision while using the computer--someone sits beside difficult child at all times, and watches what he does. If they have to step away for a moment, his screen must still be in view, or difficult child has to get off the computer.
3) Limited account--difficult child's account has very strict limits. He cannot change most settings or configuration elements, or stray into the gubbins of the computer.
4) NO ACCESS TO ANYONE ELSE'S ID OR PASSWORD--this one is very important. If others who share the computer have admin rights, and difficult child knows the password, he will log in as another user, change his own permissions, and then roam free in the wild, bad internet.
We go so far as to make him leave the room or at least turn his back (and ensure that there are no mirrors on the wall he's facing) when entering IDs and passwords, because he watches people's fingers when they type and learns passwords that way.
5) Keystroke logging software--we know and track everything difficult child does on the computer. husband visits the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) regularly and checks up on what difficult child has been doing online.
6) E-mail trap--We get copies of all of difficult child's outgoing and incoming e-mail messages, so that we can see not just who he's communicating with, but what he's saying. Instant message history. Same reason.
7) No access at all to social networking sites--a friend set difficult child up with a Facebook account a few years ago. Within a day, difficult child posted all sorts of inappropriate fantasy content about a girl he used to go to school with who was part of the groups he joined (e.g. Soandso is my girlfriend, this is what we do together...). She received a lot of teasing from her friends as a result of difficult child"s postings, so we stripped all of his information and locked out the account.
8) Very strong limits on internet access, using "white list" technology. difficult child can go only to sites which are specifically allowed. All other websites are blocked. If he wants to go to a site that is not currently on his list, he has to send a request to husband, who evaluates and then unlocks the site if we think it's appropriate for him.
If he's on an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) outing to the library or somewhere else that computers with internet access are available, his 1:1 sits right beside him when he's using the computer
9) Time limit--difficult child is allowed a maximum of 1 hour computer time, every other day. More than that and he starts to get obsessive and agitated.
Thing is, these are really no different than the rules we have in place for difficult child interacting with live people. Constant supervision, 100% monitoring, no alone time, very tight controls over what he can do and where he can go. Otherwise he's a danger to himself and others.
Sigh...
Trinity