Hi, I've been going through the site wondering where to post this, so if I'm in the wrong spot forgive me, lol...it's a big site! Would like to talk about depression and how it's crippled me here at home to the point I don't care about cleaning. I think about doing it, but then p, I say fk it! I haven't allowed anyone in my home now for a few years because, 1- there's more broken things in my home than I can count 2 - I hate judgements of others 3- it's not clean anymore The thing that gets me is that I'm a cleaner by trade, the places I clean are spotless, beautiful, inviting places to be in. The difference in my mindset in those places is there's nothing broken it's not a disappointment to be there. In my home I hate it, because I have a violent person here that just destroys what ever I make good. I'm making changes in that part tho... In the end I'm still having to fix this place and I'm on my own and don't have the tools, or the smarts to know how to fix most of this, never mind the funds that's needed as well. I'm an isolater other than going to work, but due to my traumas ( depression, ptsd) I'm currently unemployed. So, I sit in this mess wondering - wow, how'd it get so bad? There are easy solutions to every situation: 1- I can hit the habitat store, slowly buying what I need 2- get the tools I need 3- ask for help that's needed to fix these things The hard part is actually letting someone in the home without the judgements. I don't know if anyone else goes through this, but it's awful and I hate how things got and there's so much more to why life is this way..I often get scared that I'm giving up and the giving up started years ago. This is where I am today..I need to stay focussed and make a plan to get busy with this place!