So he smokes pot how does that make you feel , I say it's so much better than. Meth but I'm sure people would disagree with my thoughts on it ,
Read the book, "The Dance of Anger," By Harriet Lerner. There is a chapter toward the end that describes your situation (and mine), and it has helped me finally understand that I am at fault for bailing my son out. I feel your pain.This has been the hardest for me with my son, still working on it. It's called detaching with love, it doesn't mean you no longer love the person, you are just detaching from their chaos and problems so you can take care of yourself and live a happy life. Your no longer trying to control their problems and them control you, your health, happiness and life. Start with doing something for yourself, something you enjoy. Go to Al-anon meetings. You will learn the 3 C's. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You will find others who are in your same situation and get support. When my son first started with drug use I spent a long time trying to figure out if it was a drug problem or a mental illness, I went to see a counselor told him the things my son does and ask him what he thought was wrong with him. He explained to me that it didn't matter whether it was drugs or mental illness, as long as I was there enabling and never letting my son face consequences then if it was mental illness he wouldn't get help and take medications and if it was drugs he wouldn't seek treatment to stop. Wish I would have listened, my son ended up a heroin addict and it all started with marjuana. There's an article on here about detaching but I don't know how to share it, maybe someone else will soon. Keep posting here, this site has been so helpful for me and many others. I'm sorry for your hurting heart.