their choices are theirs ,not ours. that is the hardest part. To not act from your heart and help, but to let them try their wings even though your gut tells you that,theirs is not a good choice!
I know. I actually do know. I had a bit of an epiphany last night. Kind of silly...but a small epiphany nonetheless.
The neighbors are buying new family room furniture. We were told they are throwing the old out and had asked if he could have it. They were happy to get rid of it. This is a nice, really comfortable, couch and loveseat with a big, matching ottoman. The couch is literally the size of a twin bed, deep, cozy, lounging furniture. I'd have LOVED this stuff when I was single! I had my parent's mismatched cast offs until I was out of law school!
My son, who knows about this furniture, tells me last night his buddy has a "movie couch" or theater couch or something like that, that has a built-in fridge, that he's giving away (because he has no electricity, among other things). I say, "Well, what about the neighbors furniture?" He doesn't know, because there might not be much room after the "fridge-couch". I'm speechless. A fridge-couch? Really?
Who the hell would pick a fridge-couch over a matched set of comfortable living room furniture?
My son...and any number of 21 year old boys...who think having a beer-fridge built right into their couch is cool.
So...my epiphany was...I'm expecting (or at least wanting) him to behave like I would. A 53 year old woman who's been on her own for many, many years. A woman who
knows that the practicality of being walking distance from work when you don't own a car is more important than being close to your friends; who understands that roommates can screw you over if they don't pay their share; who would NEVER risk a job with a no-call/no-show.
I never had to "learn the hard way" - I was ALWAYS like that. I would NEVER have let myself be taken advantage of (there's 3 of them, but apparently he's paying 1/2 the bills). I would NEVER have put all the money I had on a lease without something in writing with my new roommates - he has - first month and deposit - all paid by him. I would never always have sacrificed location for convenience. I just KNEW BETTER. And it IS better - this is common sense stuff here.
But he's NOT me. He'll likely never BE me, though I hope some day some common sense filters in.
But until that day (that I'll likely never live to see), I have to expect him to live like a 21 year old boy.
D C's boss sometimes didn't pay her employees on time, and once, when D C was late paying the guy the basement rental, the guy called the boss and told her he was gonna kill D C if she didn't pay him tomorrow.
That would do it! Good heavens!
So what I know at this time is the landlord and the roommate's uncle each live next door. The landlord likely won't threaten murder. There's no smoking indoors - so they have a little shed out back that he's making his "smoke shack", really.
He expects to split all the bills 50/50 - incredibly unfair since there's two of them and a 2-3 year old, and he's all by himself, works almost full-time, the electric won't be used by him, he never bathes - so the water won't be used by him either.
There's 2 bedrooms and 1 bath, so it's going to be crowded I guess. AND he'll be dependent on his buddy for rides.
But...it's his choice.
My 53 year old legal mind boggles.
Geesh!!!!
