Nancy, are you saying it is more difficult to be out of their environment or did you mean more successful if they can?
I didn't call after--forgot. I just now called to find out cost/coverage/whatnot. The one near my hometown that someone took me along on a visit to is $50 copay, they pay 90% and then 100% after I've paid $1000 out of pocket or my family has paid $2000 out of pocket. I told my mom I was on the phone with someone from AA since I know she wouldn't let or want me to do this phone call. She asked why I got my insurance card out after I came back to the car (I went to an empty park to talk on the phone since she said people at the hotel can hear). Then I got yelled at that it's not 'my' insurance, it's my dad's and I should let him deal with his company and how now that I called them about coverage I'm going to be cancelled. How I'm a liar (which is true and I want to change that). Then about how they support me so it's not for me to do this and how I'm some big shot who has to have the best of everything. If this were tomorrow when I'll have money, I'd be high right now. Come to think of it, they did restock the quarters in my car but I'm not in it and my mom has the key. I feel this big right now ---> . . Maybe I don't need rehab and am being selfish or just wanting to be avoidant. I don't know. This is all but literally driving my mom insane... she said she should just ram the car into a building with me in it when she was driving from the park to the library. She's not abusive or anything, but I thought they might be happy. Nope--just how they don't have to keep me on their insurance and might stop and how much I'm embarrass my dad. I can't do this.
I just need to vent this. I'm sure if she were on here she'd make me look like the problem too and I was just super mean to her again but this gets incredibly emotional instantly for both of us (and she was mean to me too, saying how AA is good enough for everyone else but me and I want an instant fix and only want a super nice luxury treatment). I've tried to make it clear that I'm going to do AA whether or not I go to treatment. Then she says she's making me do AA, which instantly makes me not want to do it. You can't make anyone do AA anyway. I just want to disappear.
Edit again: with regard to that I'd be high, I should probably say that this episode gave me what AA calls the "F***-it"'s about this, at least in the rather volatile state I'm in. I do want to stop once and for all. The fact that using is the first thing I wanted to do when discord arose (even though it is my fault) make me think even more that I'm right in wanting to go to rehab, but maybe my mom's right.