difficult child 2's new "behavior"

[TeDo]

difficult child 2 became a difficult child (from a total easy child) last spring when puberty set in. Now, his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) symptoms are getting worse also and the typical teen is causing problems with how he handles the situations.

His rigidity (intolerant of ANY change) is the biggest issue. Like when they do school, he sits to the left of me and difficult child 1 sits to the right. Yesterday, difficult child 1 was sitting on "difficult child 2's chair" playing with the dog. When I said it was time to get back to work, difficult child 1 said "hey difficult child 2, lets switch places today". difficult child 2 went ballistic because that was HIS chair, has "always" been HIS chair, yada yada yada. He ended up shoving difficult child 1 onto the floor.

In our living room, we have my recliner and a sofa. difficult child 1 is seldom home so difficult child 2 usually sits at the end of the sofa closest to the TV (the sofa is across the room from the tv). When difficult child 2's gone and difficult child 1 is home, difficult child 1 sits at that end of the couch. When difficult child 2 comes home, he insists that difficult child 1 move from HIS spot on the couch. He will sit on difficult child 1 until difficult child 1 moves just to breathe (difficult child 2=6' & 180 lbs; difficult child 1 5' & 75 lbs).

We have always eaten meals at about noon and 5-5:30 and when they were younger, they had a snack after school around 3:30. difficult child 1 HAS to eat AT those times and he HAS to have a snack at 3:30 as well as at bedtime. He will have a meltdown if I try to stop those. He's not a little kid so he doesn't NEED snacks at all and the kinds of "snacks" he eats are ice cream, chips, cookies, etc. Heaven forbid I even mention he eat something even remotely healthy.

Now that we have difficult child 1 in a "good" place, difficult child 2 is going to the "bad" place. I guess it shouldn't surprise me. Even as babies they never did ANYTHING (eat, sleep, etc) at the same time no matter how hard I tried to get them on the same schedule so why should this be any different.

I don't know what to do with difficult child 2. He's never been to a psychiatrist but I might have to go that route. It's just that it's so opposite of how he's always been and I feel differently about his behavior as opposed to difficult child 1's because difficult child 1 has always been like this. difficult child 2 hasn't and I feel totally out of my element.

Any suggestions?

 

[buddy]

Oh wow, I bet you are so right, the combo of the extra testosterone plus his tendencies are making him more rigid these days. I wonder if you are going to have to have some "chats" (subtle social skills training) where you go over possible scenarios and better versus not so great ways of handling things. Do you think if it was not difficult child 1 he would be the same? Would he still have demanded the chair, etc.? Is the relationship between them being more stressed with his changes too?

You always have your hands so full. I bet you about lost it when he shoved difficult child 1 on the floor!

hugs hugs and more hugs, Denise

 

[Ktllc]

Big Hugs.
Reading your post reminds SO MUCH of V. He is always rigid, but at times it goes to rigid to EXTREMELY rigid (even his teacher sees et and I don't think she has yet experienced what extreme can be for V).
I struggle with how to deal with it as well. I try to stay rational and explain that "he will be fine" even if things don't exactly happen the way he thinks it should.
difficult child 2 being a teen, could you maybe talk with him about being rigid and hopefully help him to become self aware? Work with him when he is calm and create a visual you can use to help him be more aware of it?
I'm using a stop sign with V to help some when he is persisting on an idea. I or his brother can say stop a million times but it does not sink in. When I use the sign he stops right away.
A knowledgeable therapist could be a great tool. Of course the trick is to find someone who truly understand that difficult child 2 does not (yet) have a good handle on his rigid thinking.

 

[TeDo]

Buddy, absolutely their relationship is becoming more stressed as is ours. He has always been my more flexible and understanding child and to have him flip-flop like this is such a HUGE change for him. That's what makes it so much harder to deal with. It's like he did a 180 with puberty. Now he's actually more of a difficult child than difficult child 1 right now.

Ktllc, he used to see a therapist (PhD psychologist that came highly recommended) who said he was doing okay and that his "quirks" are just him being him. She is actually very good but I don't think (in hind-sight) she has a lot of experience with kids on the spectrum. I've had many discussions with him about some of this stuff and his response is "why does it always have to be difficult child 1's way". It used to be just to keep the peace with difficult child 1 but that isn't the case with difficult child 1 any more. He doesn't see other's points of view anymore like he used to. He just doesn't get that HIS behavior isn't acceptable and that it never was with difficult child 1 either so that's why I was always getting after him. Now when I get after difficult child 2, he reacts worse than difficult child 1 ever did....with the typical teen attitude.

I am seriously wondering if I shouldn't take him to see a psychiatrist to see if there's a medication that can help with some of this. I know it's increased anxiety over change but don't know if there's a medication that will help him.

 

[buddy]

Well it's certainly ok to go see right? Not like you haven't had to weigh those decisions before.....you have great instincts. Do you think he'd cooperate? Does he see there's a shift?

 

[InsaneCdn]

There's probably lots of medications that would help... depending on difficult child's reactions to them. Anxiety can't be "cured" by medications, but medications can definitely take the edge off.

 

[Bunny]

I don't know how you feel about going the medication route with him, but there must be something out there that can help him. That rigidity is a very tough thing to deal with. difficult child can be like that at times and it makes things tough on the rest of us at times.