difficult child graduates today.....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dstc_99, May 21, 2013.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Honestly I am just a ball of nerves dealing with it all right now. I woke up dreading today and faked a migraine to stay home because I am just so depressed about the whole thing. I guess it is just all adding up right now and it is too much. I will be going to the graduation tonight regardless of how I feel but it all feels wrong. I dont want to sit there with my parents and play nice even though I know it is the adult thing to do. Hell I don't want to stand there and pretend to be happy while she gives the obligatory hug and sticks her hand out for a gift. She hasn't done a thing to get ready for college other than apply and drag us for a visit. Of course she told my parents and brother that we are paying for it all so not to worry. It is one big night of LIES! No one but difficult child and my parents will be there because they want to be. Even easy child wanted to avoid it and tried to get out of it by saying she had a final tomorrow morning and therefore couldn't miss a few hours of school.

    Today is about her not about me and the least I can do is sit there so that in a year she wont be saying that I didn't show up for the event.

    How the he!! did this end up this way? I have busted my :censored2: over the years to give this child a good life. I have sacrificed and cried and bled for this kid and all I get for it is feeling like a piece of **** who had to be "invited" to her own daughters graduation. I could seriously be sitting at home right now with no invitation unable to attend her graduation! BUT I am guessing the need for a gift outweighed her b*itchiness for a change. I literally feel like a failure and I am so depressed about it I don't know what else to do.

    I should be F'ing happy today! I should be proud of my child. I should be sharing a family dinner with my parents and celebrating her graduation. I should be dreaming about all the things to come.

    WTF is so wrong with me as a parent that all I want to do is crawl in bed and cry because I feel like I have lost her.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, you're a part of our sad club.

    Most of us gave our all to our kids and not all of them appreciated it. I'm sorry you are feeling gloomy about difficult child, but I know the feeling. I think most people would not be feeling great if we felt we were invited strictly for the gift. And if she wasn't a good student, there isn't all that much to be proud of, unless she tried her hardest. So I see where you are coming from.

    As for your parents, I have no idea why you have to sit next to them or put on an act or why the adult thing to do is to sit next to people who abuse you just because they gave you birth. It is not immature to take care of yourself and your own feelings. You matter, just like the rest of them.

    Hoping you get through the ceremony and have a good time :) In other words, hoping you are treated like you deserve to be :) You are NOT a failure. Ask yourself this: Who is making you feel like one? difficult child? Parents? Is their opinion valid? You know you are not a failure, or you should know that and nobody should be able to talk you out of it.
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am sorry you are not getting the typical graduation experience. I know how it feels to be denied the joy of our child's milestones. Hugs!
  4. That just stinks. I am so sorry for how you are feeling today. It should be a joyous occasion with happy nerves, not edgy, irritated, sad nerves. It is sad that you were 'invited' to attend her graduation. And that you were probably only invited for the gift.

    Of course, that gift is optional. You don't have to give her a gift. You could give her a beautiful card and tell her you love her and you're proud of her. We never got gifts for grades or graduation or anything like that when we were kids. The fact that you earned the diploma was your reward.

    Sit with your husband and easy child if you can - away from your parents.

    I understand that feeling of having lost her. I try to look at difficult child like it's a temporary thing. A phase he is going through. Something he is going to get past and hopefully, eventually, he will come around. In the meantime all I can do is hold my ground, be pleasant when I speak to him and wait.

    Hugs to you. I hope you find a way to get through tonight and actually enjoy watching her graduate.
  5. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Well we managed to avoid the grands by just going in and sitting without looking for them. We could see them and tried to call to let them know we were there (big gym lots of people) but they wouldn't answer or pick up their phones so they didn't know we were there until later. Basically we just waited for it to be over and then took a few pics with difficult child and then left. We did meet them all for breakfast this am before leaving town.
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry you are going through this, how sad, I understand missing out on all the events which we parents so look forward to. It's a shame it's all gone this way...........as MWM mentioned, you are certainly not alone.......... on this board, we've all lost many of those moments......it doesn't make the hurt go away, but you can rest in the knowledge that we know exactly how you feel. I'm sending you many gentle, caring hugs...........
  7. I'm glad you made it through. I think you handled it as well as you could given the circumstances.

    I'm so sorry you missed out on feeling the joy in that special moment. Thankfully she did graduate and has some intention of going on and getting an education. Be thankful for that mercy. Maybe it will help alleviate the pain of the rejection that you are feeling so strongly from both difficult child and your parents.

    *Hugs to you.