difficult child has a release date

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mstang67chic, Jan 30, 2012.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    And luckily for him, it's 3 days after his birthday.

    How much you want to bet he'll expect a combination birthday and I just got out of prison party? :groan: :slap:

    Someone asked me today how I feel about it.


    I am thinking about all that needs to be done and all that I'll have to start dealing with again and I'm....just not looking forward to it. Of course, he's told us (repeatedly) that he realizes he messed up, he realizes how much we've done for him over the years and how he's treated us and how blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. He's said the same things, virtually word for word during the last few phone calls. I'm not looking forward to the onslaught of bs. Hopefully though we'll be able to get him into an apartment somewhere either before his release date or RIGHT after.

    Ugh. I also have to deal with his SSI. They never quit sending his checks when he was first arrested back in November of '10. I called numerous times and each time was told that it would be taken care of right away but sure enough the next month....here comes another check. So.....I have a stack of checks sitting here and if they say he has to reapply because THEY didn't do their job......oh koi. This IS the government....dagnabit. :grrr:
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Hopefully you'll find him a place to live quickly.

    Can't suggest anything about SSI...........ours doesn't come in check form, they load it up on a card.

  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hope it all goes smoothly. How long has he been gone?
  4. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Boy I know I for one am sure going to be a nervous wreck when I find out my own young difficult child's release date so I can just imagine what you are feeling.

    What is the release date?

    Sure hope you can find that apt for him.
    Thinking of you,
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending good thoughts, Stang.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Stang, I'm sure your mixed emotions are well founded. Let's hope positive action replaces all the talk.
    I have no idea how to deal with the government but I sure would want to speak in person with someone on a supervisory level....who has a name that can be recorded for verification. Hugs DDD
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    well Stang I do know all those mixed emotions and do hope you can find a good living arrangement for him so he isn't hanging around your home driving you nuts. I had the same problem with SS with my easy child/difficult child. (He was an adopted child collecting on his Biomom's benifits. I didn't want them to be able to trace where we lived due to them not following court orders and sending us nasty letters asking for info on him before his 18th birthday) I finialy stopped filling out the SS guardian payee forms and eventually they stopped the checks LOL. I kept all the documentation and everything so they couldn't ask for the past stuff back but gosh they actually told me they had no mechanism to turn off the payments before they ran out.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If you haven't redecorated his room and gotten rid of the guest bed, this might be the time? Even if you have to get a storage unit for a few days to store the bed in. Yes, I am mean, but I remember how hard it was for you when he was living with you.

    As for the combo party? WTH??? What a bizarre thing to expect, in my opinion. But you are right because difficult children often think their every breath is so precious that we should celebrate it. Gak.

  9. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    We got another letter from him yesterday. Still the same "I know I messed up etc." only this one had the added "I know you've heard this before blah blah blah" husband even says he's very leery about letting difficult child stay here and that's a big step for him. I'm keeping my eyes open for apartments and am trying to reach someone within our lovely government. Yay me.
  10. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Oh, I so hope that you can find him somewhere to live that isn't with you. Good luck dealing with the government -- I get the most off-the-wall correspondence from social security.
  11. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    When is your difficult child being released? Just hearing that he is going to be released brings back all kinds of memories, no scratch that, nightmares, from your previous threads. in my humble opinion, there is absolutely NO way you should let him back into your house!! I hope you've found him somewhere to live. As far as his SSI checks, don't know what to tell you. Dealing with government agencies has got to be one of the most draining experiences... Best of luck! Update when you can. Thinking of you... SFR
  12. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    His release date is in about a month. I'm going to the closest Social Security offie this week (had to take a 1/2 day off from work) to hopefully get things straightened out from them not stopping the checks. In the meantime, I'm on the lookout for apartments. Anyone know of any?
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Have you asked social services about what they can offer? Low income housing, food stamps, medicaid, etc... to help when he gets out? He may or may not qualify. I know where HoundDog lives they say no convictions, but I also know that my exsil has several and that she is in low income housing and had a lot of other help from dhs.

    You can also check craigslist and online classifieds for newspapers in your area. Social security may have info about supported housing or low income housing also.
  14. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    There's that one place we discussed, Stang. Might be closer to home than you're comfy with, but a fall-back if nothing else is found in the meantime.
  15. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    Wish I could help with the apartment search but I'm clueless. I'm glad Susie and HaoZi have some ideas. Thinking of you and hoping you find a solution soon! SFR
  16. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I went to the Social Security office the other day and got that straightened out. It was in their computer that I did call to notify them and his file was marked suspended but for whatever reason, the checks kept coming. Because of that, he won't have to refile (hallelujah!) and all we will have to do is take him in and show his release papers. When we go pick him up, I'm driving straight to the Social Security office.

    As for living arrangements, we got a letter from him saying that if we couldn't or wouldn't pick him up / take him in, the system would send him to a men's shelter here in town. :choir: This place runs a couple of businesses to fund itself so he would be put to work and they would be able to help him line up things that he will need. I will still be in charge of his funds but with their help, difficult child would be able to start doing for himself, at least as for services/needs/housing. I haven't actually spoken with difficult child so when he calls I'll find out details but it sounds promising!!!!
  17. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    So you already decide that you won't pick him up? Let him stew and figure it out for himself?
  18. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I would love to not pick him up but if I want to get him to the Social Security office ASAP with his release papers, I have to. And as his payee representative, it has to be me.
  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You're on target...as always. Great news and fingers remain crossed. Hugs DDD
  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Why not pick him up at the men's shelter the next day? Yes, it delays things 1 day, but he gets established in the shelter and does NOT expect to come to your home. All his stuff from prison would be there, and you can be sure he won't get into your house and refuse to leave it. Plus, he will be unable to find ways to stall getting there - such as they are full, etc...

    Just a thought. Surely 1 day won't mean that much of a delay in his service.