difficult child hospitalized

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nomad, Jun 14, 2008.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    The story today is just unreal.
    It started weeks ago. difficult child agreed to allow "a friend" to come from another state to stay at her place...something about a court hearing. She was to stay for a few days with- her child. difficult child hadn't seen her for many months. Instead she came with- two children (a new one had been born in the mean time) and her brother. difficult child lives in a tiny efficiency. The court hearing was delayed three weeks. Now it's five people in a tiny little place. difficult child says she tried to have her go back home or to another friend's house and the young woman wouldn't leave. difficult child gets upset.

    I take difficult child Friday to buy a Father's Day gift and she asks for my help.

    Today, husband goes to the apartment and tries to help...pushing the girl to call a relative to get money to fly back home.

    The girl goes into a rage...puts her children at a neighbors house and threatens to have difficult child beaten up.

    difficult child panics and runs outside and takes a lighter and looks as if she is going to set her pants on fire. Someone calls the cops.

    The cops talk to the girl and daughter...and take daughter to the hospital who is terrifified that the girl is going to have her killed. The girl says it is daughter's fault for making her pay money to get to her apartment and yet wont keep her there for three weeks. difficult child says that she only agreed for a few days...two people.

    GET THIS...cops say that the girl has "squatter's rights" and haul difficult child away to the hospital. THE GIRL...pretty much a stranger, her brother and two little kids are now living in our daughter's apartment, courtesy of our money.

    Meanwhile, difficult child is at the hospital...intake. I talked to the Dr. He said is is not certain, but might let her go home in a few hours.

    I have a weding to go to in a few hours. Our current plan is for me to go and husband is to meet me at the reception.

    I can't stop crying and don't really know what to do. I have a paper due next week and a final exam in two weeks. husband says that one of us might have to go to the courthouse next week and file eviction papers. I don't even know this girl's name.

    husband talked to the a friend of the girl in the apartment who allegedly feels bad and has called a relative who has agreed to send a plane ticket. This is what husband asked her to do in the first place. She claims she will be out by Friday. She does not have a key and we don't know how the place might be secure in the mean time. We are thinking of going back to the place and taking difficult children stereo and computer,...the only valuables she really has.

    Any ideas?

    I can't stop crying...I haven't eaten...I am SICK.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    WOW!! Talk about taking advantage.

    I would definatly go get EVERYTHING of value out of the apartment. Look through everything (though the "friend" or "friend's brother" has probably cleaned her out of any cash and small valuables. So, do this NOW!

    "Squatter's Rights"? That sounds so stupid - I would contact an attorney on that one. That may apply to someone campinging out where no one else lives, however, if they have been asked to leave, then they are tresspassing. Sounds like a law set up to protect the wrongdoers - "Yep, go ahead and stay whereever you want - take advantage of anyone, the law is on your side." Go ahead and make threats, you won't get arrested for threatening anyone and if you are lucky, the person you are threatening will be hauled away so you can live there without her around. GEESH, what is this world coming to?

    Hopefully difficult child will be more careful about letting friends stay again.

    Yes, start the eviction process RIGHT NOW! I don't care what that person said about being out by Friday - Fat chance that will happen if the "court hearing" hasn't happened. Makes me wonder if there really is a hearing?
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Squatter's rights are for real. Did this happen while husband was still there?

    I hope that you won't let this interfere with your paper. There's nothing that can be done this very minute about it. You can't let it tear your life apart. You probably will have to get an eviction notice. Have you contacted the landlord? They would probably be more successful. You don't really need a name. The papers can be filed as "female squatter, age approx. 24 yrs, brown hair, mother of infant squatter and minor child squatter", etc.

    Definitely go get her stuff.
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Never in my life have I heard of that! That is BEYOND ridiculous.

    Nomad, sending hugs to you...you will get through this.
  5. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    "Squatter's rights" to stay in an apartment where she was invited to stay for three days by the tenant... while the legal tenant was living there? I don't think so. Squatter's rights refer to the gaining legal title to a property after living there for a specified period of time of exclusive use. I would be calling the police station or the district attorney to find out how "squatter's rights" are legally defined in your city/town. I think the cops made that up because it was the easiest thing to do. You may have to do an eviction, but that's because this particular squatter really has no rights. The eviction puts that in writing.
  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I would contact a higher official in the police department. I think that squatters rights would be more exclusive than a friend invited to stay for 3 days who wouldn't leave. Whose name is the apt. in? If the lease is in your or husband's name, as the owner couldn't you file trespass charges and have them dealt with immediately?
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with contacting someone in landlord tenant law. I dont believe a visitor has tenants rights. I mean good grief...if so, anyone could go to visit someone and just stay and refuse to leave! Now it may be that your daughter may have to give her a demand letter to leave but considering that she threatened her that should give her ample reason to put her out immediately.
  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I would also look at having difficult child file a complaint that the threats to her were not handled right. If that girl went into a rage, she should have been arrested for disorderly conduct and threatening someone. Police should not have allowed her to be off the hook just because they had to help her victim.
  9. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    First of all, you need to EAT. It's your body's fuel. Even if you have to choke it down, you need it.

    I don't know anything about sqautter's rights. I imagine it varies from state to state.

    Right now, take care of you. If you don't, you won't be able to help those around you.

  10. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    Now that I think about it, the landlord probably won't be happy to have four extra people in his apartment and won't be pleased to hear that the police seem to think that those people have a right to be there. While most landlords don't mind someone staying three days, they'd draw the line at four extra people in an efficiency for three weeks, especially if he's paying the water and utilities. Check the lease. It may be that neither you nor difficult child has the legal right to evict but the landlord certainly does. Unfortunately, he may decide that he doesn't want difficult child as a tenant because of what happened.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It could actually be against the law to pack that many people into an efficiency apartment. What a load of.....
    I would take everything out of the apt. for now and let them sleep on the floor. I doubt they'll want to stay long if the conditions aren't favorable. Be sure there's no television, radio or entertainment most of all so that she and the kids are bored silly.
  12. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Thank you everyone...your comments have been helpful.

    difficult child was released from the hospital after a few hours. I spoke with the Dr. and told him about the wedding and convinced him to speed things up a little.
    We went back to her apartment and took everything of value. We brought difficult child back to the house and called our son and his fiance to watch difficult child while we went to the wedding. I had 30 minutes to get dressed! It was semi formal and I'm not sure I was dressed totally appropriately...but was thrilled to be there! Our plan is to take difficult child back to the apartment during the days and bring her home at night. Either husband or I will see what we can find out about an eviction notice. The girl claims she is awaiting a plane ticket and will move out at the end of the week. IT's hard to say how accurate this is.

    When I took difficult child to lunch on Friday and asked her why she had strangers in her apartment she said "Mom, you should be proud of me. It's been many months since I have done something like this. When I first moved into an apartment, I had people in my place all the time." She feels like this is an improvement. I'm not sure I fully follow her logic. We are not sure if she forgets all the turmoil these situations get her in and then repeats them or what. It is good that she seems "slower" to repeat this mistake...but nevertheless, it is sad and very concerning that she repeats them at all.

    The police were adamant that it will take an eviction notice to get the girl out. They said we needed to go to the courthouse to get it. We do wonder if the Landlord is really the one that needs to do this...but would rather do it on our own and not involve the Landlord. We also wonder if the girl would have 30 days, etc. So...next week we plan on going to the courthouse to see what we can do.

    The day was VERY difficult...but improved greatly later on. Having our daughter secure at home and her "stuff" secure too calmed things down. Going to the wedding was also very helpful. I'm not sure what the coming days will bring...
  13. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I am glad you got things taken care of for the time being, but I am still in absolute shock that this person is able to stay in her home! It is beyond my comprehension.

    What difficult child wrote THAT rule (squatter's rights)?

    I kind of get where your difficult child thinks she has improved. This was a "favor" for a "friend". I would imagine she had no clue that it would end up like this. But we all live and learn. I do hope she learns from this.

    Hope you enjoyed the wedding!
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Eat something. Get some rest. Then start making phone calls while sending husband over there to collect anything valuable. First phone call should be to the landlord. I imagine he is gonna blow a gasket and give the pd a major piece of his mind. Second call should be to someone above the officer who probably hasn't a clue as to what he's talking about. If that doesn't get you anywhere call the DA.

    Squatter's rights might differ from state to state, but I wouldn't thing that being invited as a guest for a few days would be enough to put them into effect anywhere. That just doesn't make sense.

  15. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I forgot to mention...husband slipped the Landlord $50 extra dollars when the girl started making noises about staying an extra three weeks. This might (might is the key word) buy difficult child some leeway and not get evicted herself. When difficult child said that she could not tolerate so many people in the place, that is when we told her that she had to make other arrangements and that is when the girl started to rage. She told husband that she was "disrespecting him." Interesting. She didn't see how a group of four+1 was inappropriate to stay in a one bedroom efficiency for three weeks or how it might be disrespecting our family to have us pay for extra expenses or difficult child being inconvenienced or stressed to the max. husband says he hesitates to involve the landlord, so he will try to do the eviction paperwork on his own and we are keeping our fingers crossed that she will get out perhaps Friday. Meanwhile, difficult child is going back and forth between the two places.
  16. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Too bad you aren't in Texas. There are NO squatters rights here. If they won't leave your home either call the police or find a gun and help them out the door.

    I still have a hard time believing these cops even know what squatters rights are. She was a visitor for three days. This is just stupid. I would GO TO the police station and talk to someone higher up than a beat cop. If that doesn't work, go with the eviction.

    What a mess.

  17. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I wish I lived in Texas.
    There was a list out the other day...best places to live...and many of the cities in TX were on the list. We visited TX about six months ago...healthier economy there than in many parts of the country. Maybe its because there is more common sense going on...I dunno????

    Anyway, we dropped off difficult child this morning. For some reason, the squatter??? difficult child agreed for husband to call her mom. Mom says she is sending a plane ticket for Monday. I did think it was strange that she couldn't buy the ticket immediately...she has not purchased it yet. Perhaps she is waiting for a better fare.

    It should arrive at the end of the week. She asked if we would drive girl and family to the airport. We said okay. We'll see if this comes to pass/and/or works out.

    difficult child is okay with going back and forth between the two houses.

    All difficult child is concentrating on at the moment is that this girl threatened to kill her. She barely...goes in and out...is aware of her role in all of this.

    I have CANCELLED her therapist 'cause difficult child missed her last three appointments. I have tried to get one from the county. The deal is that she is getting a social worker once a month come to her home. difficult child can go to group therapy at a nearby (relatively) location...but so far she is refusing to go. All of this is free. She is refusing to go, because there is a high percentage of drug users in the group and this is not her issue.

    I am tired tired tired to the bone.

    At the wedding...I sat next to an adult who knows difficult child prior to her brain surgery and really likes her...but also recognizes her problems with- impulsivity and getting along with- peers. She said to me "You (moms?) are only as happy as your happiest child." or something like this. I said that I use to feel this way and that there is a tendency to feel this way...but at some point I realized I would be in deep trouble if I kept thinking this way and decided to do something different.
  18. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    OK a bazillion years ago (ok um, make that like almost 30 yrs ago?) I um...had this.....boyfriend, more by his stalking than by my choice.....and i had him arrested and he was in prison due to me haveing him arrested-----I moved away..and one nite I came home to find him IN my apartment, watching my TV....
    I called police, and police came and said they could not make this stalker leave becuz he had been paroled to my house. Hmm, I never gave any permission for such a thing, I moved and thought I had kept my location secret.

    Over the years I have heard some awful stories from people about trying to get rid of unwanted guests and or tenants. Seems the laws vary widely state by state and even county by county and town by town etc.

    Also seems local police usually do not want to get in the middle of such problems....
    Here where I live, such things are handled at county level by county police, and our local town police do not even KNOW what the laws are etc. Sadly, I have heard and read of similar situations as this....where people come in as guests and then refuse to leave. I also know here, you cannot have x number of people in y sq feet of space, and you also cannot have z number of unrelated persons in one dwelling. so- haveing that many persons in an efficiency apt just by itself would be in violation of law, and then becuz the friend is not related...that would be another violation.....and many leases I have seen prohbit overnite guests or the length of time overnite guests can stay or how many overnite guests there can be-----and then, if difficult child was not there, I have seen some leases say that would be a violation, becuz the person who rented the unit has to be there if anyone else is in there.

    I am sorry it is such a mess, hopefully your difficult child will learn from this incident. Sometimes it takes an incident for our difficult children to learn something. Experience can be the best teacher.

    But do be aware I am pretty sure this is one of those kinds of laws that can vary very very much from place to place......and nope, here by me, getting a gun out? oh man, that would amp up the problems for the person with the gun.....it would not matter if someone was uninvited in the home, the person with the gun would be faceing serious heavy duty nasty charges. It just happened here recently........twice......caused a huge public outrage but, the courts so far are upholding that nope, haveing the gun was more wrong than anything else was. <sigh>
  19. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I was kidding (tongue in check kinda thing) about the gun. However, I do sometimes feel as if people who violate the law are given a little too much leeway...and I also feel that sometimes common sense gets put on hold. It makes sense that these laws vary from state to state and that the police would not want to get involved and would give the easy answer. Right this second...things are looking up. But of course, since difficult children are involved, we know that we need to be extra cautious and check things out for ourselves.
  20. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Let's hope the ticket shows up soon, real soon. I'm sorry you and your daughter are going through such a horrific mess. I do understand the police not wanting to get in the middle of such a mess -- it frequently boils down to a he said/she said thing and it is not their job to sort it out. However, I'm not sure taking your daughter to the hospital was an appropriate response.

    I'm glad your daughter is staying at your home at night for now. That has to make her feel safer and being physically in the apartment should keep her tenant rights intact.