difficult child is at it again

[Jen]

I posted before about him having to leave his present place, that he was evicted, well the reason he gave me is again not the true story. I went over there to leave a note on their door at their house and the door was unlocked. Inside was the eviction notice with a potential hearing on the 11th of this month. He has pulled the same stunt as at the last 2 places he has lived at, stop paying rent for whatever reason. Guess he doesnt care to learn, and then again brings another child into this world.

He stopped at our house last night at 1030 pm ringing our doorbell, leaving us a note, and running off. The letter adressed to my actual name, not Mom, and then he did say Dad. Guess that means I am in the dog house ? So any way he is mad that I shut off his cell phone line after multiple warnings. That the money should be trivial to him finding a place to live before they are homeless. He stuck me 2 months in a row with 100.00 cell phone bills. He thinks Iam partial to his sister because she is off at boot camp and I have taken her husband and son in.

There isnt any excuses for the choices he makes, and I am not taking the blame anymore. I see he will never learn til he falls on his A.. I am just to forgive him for the slaps on the face, the lies ,his manipulation, the stealing of 1000' s of dollars he owed me and the bills of 1000.00 that he stucks me with. Now tell me after all that how can he possibly think the way he does?

Jen

 

[KFld]

they have there own ways of thinking, that no one can really ever figure out. I would just detatch, tell him it's his life, his choices, and that he needs to figure this one out. Sounds like he's had plenty of opportunity for a roof over his head, just to blow it. You can't fix this for him. They need to fix this themselves.

 

[mom_in_training]

Geeze it just amazes me how our difficult children feel so entitled when they just keep being irresponsible for themselves expecting everyone else to foot the bill. Good for you for hanging in there and staying tough. I went through the same thing with my difficult child although she was still at home at the time. Umm in her case I got stuck for like $1700.00 for her cell phone and another that I was helping out at the time, (I'll never do that again!!) Lesson learned. That included the disconnect fees of 150.00 per phone (Two) as well. What is wrong with the gal that married him? He has proven time and time again that he cannot provide stability and whats worse is that he has a baby on the way. Oh well. Stay tough Jen and do not give in no matter what. You are in no way responsible for his bad choices. Hes a big boy and he certainly does not have his prioritys in check. Hopefully some day he can figure it out so long as others do not enable him.

 

[Sunlight]

your son is 21 and he can fend for himself. I have not heard from ant since I had to ask him to move out a week ago. I am certain I am the bad guy again..what ?? you mean I have to let you swear at me, lie to me and disrespect me as I watch you live your life???
I think not.
I do not care who does not like how I deal with ant. let them take him in.
I do not care if ant is feeling I like his brother better. so what>>>? if ant behaved, he would get the same privileges.
jen, just ignore him.

 

[Hound dog]

Jen

Time to put detachment 101 into practice. With all of your help he didn't get it. Hopefully without it he will someday.

Yep. Just ignore him.

Hugs

 

[Kathy813]

Jen,

I am jumping on the detachment bandwagon. He is an adult. Let him take care of himself and his family.

As far as the note being addressed to you by name instead of mom ~ I would tear it up. If he asks about it, I would tell him that you are not going to read anything that does not treat you with the respect you are due as his mother.

Stay strong.

~Kathy

 

[DammitJanet]

Ignore him. He is trying to push your buttons. He can figure this out or not but it is all on him. He made the mess, now he can clean it up.

 

[SunnyFlorida]

Congratulations Jen :bravo: You turned the cell off. You made the decision to start detaching. Just tear up that letter he wrote you and put his little face out of your mind. Say the Serenity prayer 10 times and you'll be on your way. :smile:

 

[1905]

Hi, I think the help you give him, he feels entitled to, and appreciates nothing. He comes to expect it. And he is mad when its not forthcoming. This is how my difficult child was. (Of course you are a good person, emathetic and loving, you're his mom.)Now he needs more -always needing more- and he'll direct all his energy, hate and problems your way. He feels so entitled that he'll get what he wants by hook or by crook. Of course this is a screwed up way of thinking. The thing that worked for us is to give him nothing. I don't mean give him nothing for a month,or a small amount of time until he starts making good decisions. Seriously nothing. Its hard because a child is involved, but he will never fend for himself unless you do this-this merry-go round pattern he falls back on, like he needs a break from responsibilities, and mom will always help -is not working. So he won't have someplace to live, that sucks- but he will appreciate things more when he has to work hard for them. He can earn money, then get a phone. The rewards are greater, for everyone, when the journey is hard to obtain them. My difficult child is just like yours, that lazy , who cares, why should I, its all your fault attitude. Let him hit rock bottom. Then he will help himself. My difficult child has been doing well- he is coming over for Easter. Oh yes he is angry - but he works, and pays his bills, has a truck and this only happened when we said no more, go to a homeless shelter. Try it -it hurts, but it will be ok.-Alyssa

 

[kris]

<span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #006600"> i agree with-the others. it's way past the point where you should wonder ~~~ never mind worry ~~~ about what he thinks, feels, does.

kris </span> </span> </span>

 

[Suz]

Yep, me too. Nothing new to say but I'm sure offering support, Jen.

Head up and shoulders straight. You are being challenged but you can handle it. :warrior:

Suz