difficult child is leaving. Moving in with-guy she met on the internet one week ago

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Aug 2, 2010.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    and I am flipping out.

    She has met him in person only once. On Friday. She took DEX's car telling us both that she was going with a girlfriend to the mall. I had plans and needed my car. When she picked up his car, he made the mistake of telling her he was staying with his girlfriend in a hotel that night (they were going to be drinking and didn't want to drive). He invited her and "N" to watch a movie if they wished on his home theater.

    She picked up P (internet dude) 60 miles away and took him back to h er dad's She texted me that she was there with N and was spending the night. I didn't question it because I didn't know DEX wasn't there.

    It all came crashing down when we started comparing notes and he checked his GPS.

    I've not handled it well - through out all my detachment 101 skills and confronted her.

    She makes $7.30 an hour and works about 30 hours a week. She has no car and about $2,000 in savings (that she cannot access right now). P doesn't have a job or a car.

    I'm scared to death. She says she knows what she is doing is not rational and says she doesn't wan t to live by "the rules of the world".

    Her plan is to have N driver her to pick up P. Then she and P are going to DEX's to ask if they can live with him. I have no idea what he'll do. Sometimes he's rational (DEX) and sometimes not. The last time she ran off with an internet dude he told me - in FRONT of her - that she'd done nothing wrong. Still, he's not happy about her lying and bringing this guy back to his place. I pray he says no, but I have no control.

    The alternatives (her staying with N and P and/or who knows what?) are not good. I fear, by my begging her to go to counseling and by telling her I was afraid she was doing something dangerous, I may have closed the door on her turning to me if she needs me.

    I could cut off her cell phone, but I'm afraid she might be in danger. I will not give her money or let her use my car.

    I'm scared and I'm crying my eyes out.

  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh dash I am so sorry. She sounds really out of control and impulsive, I can only imagine how scared you must be. I wish I had words of wisdom .. I don't , just know I'm thinking about you.
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I'm so sorry - sending hugs and prayers that DEX refuses. And also that N maybe tells her she's doing something crazy. Unfortunately, she's considered an adult - too young and manic in my humble opinion to be considered an adult, but alas, what can we do about it.

    I'm glad you're standing firm, but I know how difficult it is to detach when they are behaving so crazy. Stay strong and keep hoping for the best and that everything will turn out as it should. I hope she comes to her senses. Fast.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending supportive thoughts and prayers. Sometimes our difficult children make such absurd choices that you wonder if they didn't beat their heads into walls and get confused.

    I think you're doing the right thing but I know it is almost unbearable to watch from the sidelines. Hugs. DDD
  5. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Thank you. She just pulled out of the driveway with N. How she can think this is ok is beyond me. It isn't helping my state of mind that the body of a former classmate was pulled out of the lake her last week. She was on a boat with older guys (she was 20) and dove in after drinking. One stupid mistake and a beautiful life is gone. My daughter had it made here and she walks off with a complete stranger with no money, no cars, and only a few options for a place to go. This guy could be Mr. Rogers or Joran VanderSloot. And it will only be by the Grace of God and not her good judugement if something terrible doesn't happen.

    What happened to my sweet little girl?
  6. Bean

    Bean Member

    I'm sorry. That has definitely got to be frightening. I don't know how to digest all of the stupid things my daughter does, and the dangerous situations she puts herself in. I can feel your pain.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont know why teen girls make stupid choices but they do. Its a wonder I am alive today considering all the completely idiotic things I did as a teen and young 20 something. The stories would make your hair curl! I think that old adage about how God looks after idiots and small children is true!
  8. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I'm so sorry, dashcat. Do you think there's a chance she is manic? Is there any chance she could be picked up on a form? Or has this been a behavior pattern before when she wasn't manic? I really feel for you. Sending warm thoughts and cyber-hugs.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Dash....I know sometimes I come across as funny but really, I did a lot of stupid things and I lived through them. It probably was a different time and things are much scarier now but I did put myself in some really bad situations.

    I know I am a lucky lucky girl. One really bad thing came out of it though. My boys seem to think that because I did things in certain ways, they can do the same things and be just as lucky....NOT! Like I met their dad and moved in with him the very same day...never left and we have been together for 27 years now. That just doesnt happen. It is a million in one chance. We should have split up hundreds of times but we are both stubborn. My kids dont see those things and think that it is perfectly normal to meet someone and get together almost immediately! I have tried to explain we were not normal but it falls on deaf ears...lol.

    But...maybe your dtr will be as lucky as me!!!