difficult child made me cry on birthday

[Kjs]

Well, yesterday was my birthday. I asked difficult child to please be good, that would be the best gift ever.
After school he called. Atleast he made it all day. Told me what a bad day he had. He told me he was switched around in all his classes and is now in different classes.
He went on to tell me how much he hated his english teacher and told her he can't stand being in the same room with her for 5 minutes so he was removed. (first period). Then he had two papers in his hand. I don't understand. I have boughten him a ton of folders, expanding folders, binders, he has a back pack, yet he carries home single papers that are half crumpled up. One was fill in the blanks. I asked him where his book or pamphlet was for to read TO fill in the blanks. (social studies). He said it was a review and the teacher went over it in class and gave all the answers. However he said he "slept" through that class and would get the answers today. I asked him why she should give him the answers today when she already did that yesterday and he chose to sleep. The other was a reading log. Each day they are to read and write down three things about what they read. Now this he usually doesn't do. (English) In the last meeting we were in he said how he enjoys reading the news paper sports section. So, they said they have many papers delivered to school he can read that. Has he ever done it??? NO. He says they never gave him one. He is in 7th grade...ASK.
So, I told him to go to his room and fill in what ever he can on the one paper, and then read something and do his reading log.
I went to check on him and he was in bed. (we were planning on going out to dinner) For his reading log he said his spec. ed. teacher said he really doesn't have to read, just make things up. I handed him the news paper and said READ. He yelled and screamed at me and how he hates everyone, nobody like him (maybe with his yelling and actions at school they are AFRAID of him) I told him our job as parents are to get him ready to be an adult to function successfully in this world. He doesn't think the rules apply to him and can do what ever he wants. husband came home and I told him difficult child MUST follow the rules and if he thinks he can sleep through classes because he feels like it that husband had better take a vacation day and attend school with him. Everyone was arguing. I told them I am going to the restaurant and having a birthday drink. If they chose to join me for dinner that would be fine, if not..I will eat alone. I left.
They did come, but it was a tense quiet dinner. I don't get it. ONE day of the whole year and he chooses to "do as he pleases" like everyday.
I will post on Special Education forum regarding what I learned from an email from Special Education teacher yesterday. I don't agree.

 

[timer lady]

kjs,

I'm sorry that your b/day was so very depressing. It sounds as though difficult child isn't stable on his medications. Having said that, I doubt difficult child will be able to do homework or read much of anything.

Until kt or wm were stabilized on their medications nothing was learned, nothing sunk in. Once we hit the right combo of medications, the tweedles ability to self regulate & learn tripled. Still not perfect, but a heck of a lot better.

I have never believed our children with their illnesses/disorders really want to be as difficult or emotionally labile as they are. They want to "fit in" but struggle with-o help & interventions. Not that this makes it right - just takes longer for a difficult child to connect the dots.

Again, I'm sorry about your b/day.

 

[mum2JK&TH]

We find here that our bdays add stress to difficult child and makes it harder for him to be good. I think we as parents put too much pressure on them when we ask them to be good for that one day because it's our birthday and it's important to us. It was actually husband who pointed that out to me last year right after I asked difficult child to be good and within minutes, difficult child was acting out. So this year I said nothing and we had a good day.

I'm sorry your birthday didn't quite work out :frown: I used to ask for redo's!!!!

 

[hearts and roses]

Same thing here Christine. Mother's Day, B'days, even Christmas. Too much pressure to be good. I've learned to keep quiet, which sometimes takes away from the excitement of the day, but it does help to be as low key about how badly I want everything to go nicely.

{{{kjs}}} I'm sorry your birthday was crummy. Perhaps difficult child can make up for it another way on another day? We've done a lot of do-overs here too.

 

[Arttillygirl]

My birthday on the 2nd was awful too. He barely said happy birthday. My easy child daughter, on the other hand, drew me a picture and wrote me a poem from the book of Ruth..."I'll never leave you or forsake you...cont."
She made me cry 3 times, good tears.

My mother asked me the other day, "Do you remember my historectomy?" I as 16. I honestly couldn't. She said she couldn't believe it because it was the worst time in her life and recovery was very slow and bad.
I felt bad but it also taught me how very self centered teens and preteens can be, myself included.

I'll give you a hug if you'll give me one. Happy Birthday!
Brenda

 

['Chelle]

First Happy Birthday! :smile: :flower:

Second, it was a couple special days like this that made me realize I shouldn't expect much from anyone in my family on special days. easy child is pretty good, draws cards aplenty and makes sure there's a cake (I think she just likes birthday candles for the cake LOL) and gives hugs. The males in the family, well they just don't get it, difficult child does give a b'day hug, husband doesn't even care about his own b'day. I never expect any improvement in behavior from any of them, because that is where I'll always be let down, I don't think easy child and difficult child CAN stop bugging each other. I've started doing things for myself as a b'day treat, this year was spending time just browsing the book store and bought myself about 6 books. It was lovely, so nice and quiet and relaxing. LOL

 

[BusynMember]

I agree that he doesn't sound very stable and, if he's not, things are not going to go well until he is. I'm not convinced it's his fault. I'd take a look at his medications, and decide if you think his treatment is helping him. Topmax is known for causing "cognitive dulling." It has been known as "the stupid pill" although it does help some people. If it does cause cognitive dulling, it can be verrrrrrrrrrrrry hard to do work. My daughter got that way on Depakote. She couldn't think and she finally tossed it out so she could finish college.