difficult child on first day of lithium

[TerryJ2]

We've tried nearly everything else. I'll let you know how it works.

One good bit of news: he finally got a pair of glasses, a step toward getting contacts. (He was all thumbs last yr.) He ranted and raved all the way to the mall, and once they were on his face and he looked around, he said, "Wow."
There was no looking back. (Sorry, couldn't resist the pun.)

He wore them for a cpl hrs at home and complained of a headache. I gave him some medications, and told him to back away from the TV and take off his glasses and give it a rest. Of course, he didn't. But no headache today. And he sent his girlfriend a picture of him in his glasses and she thinks they're sexy, lol! Hey, anything to encourage him to do the right thing!

I know this will help in school. He had no idea how bad his eyesight really was. All the way out of the mall, he was saying things like, "Why does my skin look like that? Hair and pores and spots. Look at those trees. Hey, look at the numbers on my phone ... "

This a.m., he took a long psychiatric test at the therapist ofc. Now I can't even remember which one it was but it's very well known. We're working on a new, improved diagnosis. Or an add'tl diagnosis. He never once complained about having to take the test or go back to the therapist. (He's learning ... better late than never.)

He's been behaving very well, for the most part. He knows he's living on borrowed time. We broke it to him at the therapist the other day ... told him that he is not going to the local public school this fall. He burst into tears and started negotiating. We told him it was for his own safety and also so he gets a better education. I've got piles of paperwork and scores of "favorites" marked online, everything from Boys Town to a private religious school to a military academy to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to a camp in Utah. I'm ready for a nap.

 

[welcometowitsend]

Well, congrats on the glasses! Glad he likes them. Guess it helps that they make him look 'sexy'.

What is the therapist looking for? Did he give an indication or just re-assessing now that difficult child is older?

 

[TerryJ2]

We're looking for an add-on diagnosis, anything from narcissism to borderline, to antisocial personality disorder.
He's just too high of a risk-taker for pure Asperger's.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Terry, make sure they also consider serious depression... because in the male half of the species, it can look like anger or other behavior issues. Sometimes that extreme behavior is almost a death wish... life isn't worth living, so they feel they might as well crash big-time.

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes, we're keeping that in mind.
We've trialed Zoloft and Abilify, hoping those would help. The Zoloft caused a really bad reaction.

 

[buddy]

I remember thinking it was amazing that you could see the leaves on trees when i got new glasses. Glad he was willing. Hope you find a good place for school. For now get some rest!

 

[StressedM0mma]

So glad the glasses helped. Hopefully the new diagnosis will give some more insight into his behaviors. Maybe things will settle a little now that he can see better.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you all. Glad I re-read this thread. Time to give him his second dose. This is the 4th day and we are giving it to him 2X a day now.

 

[TerryJ2]

Okay, 5th day. He reminded me he needed his second dose. That's the good news.
The bad news is that easy child is home, and brought her food with-her, incl a frozen pkg of 42 pizza bites, and even after being told they were hers and to leave them alone, he got up in the middle of the night and heated and ate the entire box.
He's grounded to his room right now.
Too bad lithium doesn't do anything for impulsivity, just mood.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I'm sorry, but your easy child doesn't rank very high in my books... If you have a sibling who is struggling so badly, and you know full well that "your food" is like poison to him... you do without.
There's no way you put that kind of temptation in front him, dangle it before his very nose.

Not unless she's prepared to buy her own mini-freezer with a lock, keep it locked, and IN HER ROOM.

 

[TerryJ2]

I know. We've told her that over and over. But you know what? husband does it, too. Sometimes I want to kill all three of them. They feed on one another. Excuse the expression. ;b

 

[InsaneCdn]

And there-in lies your biggest problem.
Residential Treatment Center (RTC) isn't going to solve it.
The "in-house" problems need to be solved, to make home a "safe" place for difficult child.
And yes... it takes lots of $$ to do that. And two parents who are totally on the same padeage.

There was NO option for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that would work for our difficult child. We have had to turn our home into a custom Residential Treatment Center (RTC), with two therapeutic parents and a raft of other things.

 

[TerryJ2]

Then I'm at a dead end. I can deal with-easy child. She'll argue, but we'll get there. Sometimes she's a typical teen ... such as the many times she left her shoes on the floor for me to trip over, and finally, one night, I'd had it, and I screamed at her, opened the back door, and flung the shoes into the woods.
She's still mad at me for that. There is still one shoe out there somewhere. But she doesn't do it any more.

husband, on the other hand, will talk to her and tell her he doesn't like it and then pick them up for her. Same for difficult child. Then he'll b*tch and moan to me and now, I just put up my hand and walk away and tell him he had his chance to talk to the person directly and he missed it.

He's not happy with-me lately.

The other problem is, difficult child will not respect me unless there is someone to back it up. He has many times sneered, "You have to call Dad or a friend to deal with-me because I'm too big for you. How sad is that?"
Pretty sad, I'd say.

So I take away the TV cord (games) and turn off the Internet. easy child and husband complain.

I guess from now on, they can use the Internet at Starbucks. There's more than one way to skin a cat.

Meanwhile, we have a very sick little boy here and he's not getting the help and consistency he needs. He did a bunch of chores for me this a.m. and even massaged my neck (I have shingles on my ribcage) and so I rewarded him with-the TV cord. I am going to have to take it away again because he didn't do the vacuuming I told him to do, and has not done a single thing to earn back the money he owes us. He has no initiative and we have tried to teach him, but it's like his brain is empty sometimes. I have to go door-to-door with-him. Not easy to do in 98 degree heat, with-shingles, Know what I mean??

easy child took him to the dentist today and got a $200 mouth appliance, so that helped. He grinds his teeth so much at night that the pointy parts of his molarsth are level with-the inside of the tooth!

In regard to $, I will post another thread on that.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Wish I had some creative solution for lighting something under your husband's butt and/or brain.
Because... husband is a major part of the problem. As in, husband needs help more than difficult child does right now.

To your husband (not that he will listen to me, but...) Git yer blank-in head out of that sandhill, and... open your eyes, GET the picture. Then go look in the mirror and figure out what you have to change about YOU, to change the situation.

I was reading in an Autism book again today - our difficult child is NOT on the spectrum, but I keep finding useful stuff in unusual situations. Bottom line: Every behaviour happens for a reason. It is some combination of the difficult child, the environment, and the people involved... always, all THREE. If you want to help difficult child change, you have to manage change to both the environment and to the people in his life. And yes it works. But "Mom" and "Dad" HAVE to be on the same page for it to work. Because: "Mom" can't change "Dad" any more than "Dad" can change "Mom".

 

[InsaneCdn]

If my husband were hanging around here (he doesn't "do" computer stuff)... he'd tell you that you somehow have to get ahead of difficult child. Reacting to what happens just gets you further behind. You have to see where he's going 10 miles ahead, and start putting pressure on the steering wheel. The older he gets, the faster time moves, and the farther ahead you have to be. But... when you're already behind, how do you get ahead? (sixty-four million dollar question, of course)

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes.

Right now, since he doesn't have any friends except for his girlfriend (and he's only been out with-her twice in 6 mo's ... it's a texting relationship mostly) it's pretty easy for me to control his whereabouts.
So far, I still haven't gotten him into the Boys Club.
Still working on that.

 

[klmno]

Terry- try the one in the mid-west- I think maybe it's Arizona. That might be more fitting for him (BT). Still, you basicly have to sign over custody to them, get them there, and if he runs, you are financially responsible for getting him found and back home. Plus, make sure you know their hx and that you are comfortable that BT is past that now.

 

[TerryJ2]

Well, difficult child told me tonight that he thinks the lithium is making him sick.
He said it makes him talk too much, that his moods change too quickly--i.e. he wants to make me happy, then scream at me the next minute (I said "You've always been like that"), it makes him sweaty, and then he gets chills, and he gets stomach aches.

Well, forget the stomach ache. He ate a box of 42 pcs of pizza bites the other night. WHEAT.

As far as temp, he was boiling tonight. And then he did get a chill and I could see his goosebumps.

As far as talkativeness, I told him I LIKe it because he's a part of the family and we know what he's thinking. He said he talks too much and it bugs him. I said I understand, but it's better than the way he used to be, and then I imitated him, shoulders hunched, eyes to the ground, silent. He just shook his head and said it was too much.

So, I think we're on the right track. Even if lithium doesn't work, I do see positive changes. I also see where he's not comfortable in his own skin. This is quite an adjustment for him.

One day at a time.