difficult child pleads guilty

[Merris]

difficult child finally plead guilty on Monday to attempted reckless assault 1st. He is now a convicted felon. Very, very sad. The good news is DMHAS is stepping in and has outlined a program that the judge seems to be willing to go with. 2 months in psychiatric hospital for evaluation and medication stabilization and then into a supervised living program. As long as the judge goes for it, he's going to get the help he needs! The sentencing isn't until 7/9, but he knew he was going to be in jail for another 6-9 weeks. We also know he will have 10 years suspended and 5 years probation. ONE mess up, and he goes back...

difficult child was pretty relieved to finally make his plea. It means things will happen now and he will know what to expect. His frustration at not knowing was very bad. He has started to talk to me about what he remembers and it is so different from what I remember, I wonder if he WAS hallucinating. At least he has started to talk about it and is showing true remorse. The judge pointed out to him that even if it was substance abuse, mental illness or anything else, he is still responsible. He accepted that and said "yes your honor". He's very ashamed of what he has done and the prosecutor was vicious in her description of the attack. There were details she was NOT supposed to disclose in open court but she did, twice. difficult child's lawyer was holding him up because he looked like he was going to faint. I realize that's her job but really.... why didn't she just follow the rules of the agreement?

I'm glad things are finally moving for difficult child, I'm just so, so sad that this happened. It may not have ruined his life, but it certainly limits what he can and cannot do. He wanted to join the military and he wanted to join the Peace Corps. He can't do those things. BUT, he can live a good, happy, clean life if he chooses. This is a great opportunity for him. It will give him the support he needs (not from me) so that he can get his act together.

So, even though I am sad about him coming to this point, I guess God works in mysterious ways. Maybe this will be the catalyst that makes him see...

Thanks for listening, as always!

Merris

 

[kris]

<span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> hopefully he will be open to & accepting of what this program has to offer him. knowing in a more definitive way where things stand must be a relief to you both.

the prosecutor probably wanted to be sure the judge had a good grasp of what happened. that is her job. she accepted the plea as it stood, right?

hang in. spend some time refortifying yourself.

kris </span> </span> </span>

 

[KFld]

I'm glad the courts and DMHAS are both working in your favor to get him the help he needs. They do have some wonderful programs.

 

[Sunlight]

it is so sad to know their lives will not be the path we would like for them. ant has fried his credit, his identity and his name. it makes me sad too, but some days I try to get back in there and accept. once I accept I ask myself what next??? so he is not the person I had hoped, so his next path is more limited, but not closed completely. as long as they live there is hope.

perhaps this very court session will bring an open door to a much more promising future.

hugs for your hurt heart and the worry you have been thru. I have been saying lately it doesnt make me stronger to go thru all this crap, in fact, it makes me worn out. I am sure you are too.

 

[DDD]

Phew/Whew! I understand your pain but am so relieved that the Judge actually seems to think in terms of helping instead of just
punishing. What a blessing. Hugs. DDD

 

[Merris]

It's taken me a long time to accept that difficult child will not have the life that I had hoped he would have. I have to be grateful that he truly is a kind, sensitive and generally just a nice kid. I'm done blaming myself and I actually am congratulating myself because he truly is a good person. I must have done something right!

He will get the help he needs, it's just up to him whether he accepts it or not. I will watch and see and I will do what I have to do to protect my heart.

He is so fortunate to have a compassionate lawyer, judge and social worker. Have to look on the bright side of things!

 

[SunnyFlorida]

It sounds like difficult child is being given an "opportunity". They don't always come along so something must be going right :flower:

Maybe difficult child will have some time in the next 6-9wks to think on what has happened.

Big changes are ahead for him.

You really sound great Merris. It's been a long haul for you.

{{{sunny hugs}}}

 

[rejectedmom]

Merris, I am glad your difficult child will be given the opportunity to get help. I hope he will take it and learn from all this. Yes it is sad that his life is going to be different than you had hoped but he still will have opportunities. Good that you will protect your heart. Good that you see the good in him too. -RM

 

[dlgallant]

Merris,

I hope your sons will take advantage of the gift given to him. My difficult child is also facing charges (for car theft) and the prosecutor is attempting to use the charges to force her into help. So far it's been such a slow process I'm getting discouraged. The longere grg is out there the more she thinks there are no consequences. Everytime I find her they are too slow to serve her. They don't want to arrest her as they know she has issues. At this point I'd rather her be sitting in jail. Good luck, I hope this will be a turning point.

Debbie

 

[KFld]

I know with us it came down to having a great lawyer who believed in my difficult child and wanted to make sure that he was given the opportunity to get the help he needed, but he made it very clear to my difficult child all along that in the end it was up to him and that this was a once in a life time chance for him that the judge would not be giving him again.

I pray your son gets what he needs out of this and also realizes that many difficult child's aren't fortunate enough to have the lawyers, judges and court system on their side.

 

[Sunlight]

How are things?

 

[Merris]

Things are going as planned. The probation department is going to interview difficult child on Monday at the jail as part of his pre-sentence investigation. I'm praying that the judge agrees to mental health/sub abuse treatment and he will be out of that place for good.

I received a form in the mail from the court called the "Victim's Statement" and I faxed it to difficult child's lawyer because I don't know what to say. Obviously I can't say this hasn't had an effect on me. You can't have someone attack you with a knife and not have a little PTSD. I don't want to be dishonest, CAN'T be dishonest, but I don't want to muck things up either. The letter says he will be sentenced on July 9th and I'm hoping that's true.

difficult child will be mortified at what he has done when he hears about what the lasting results are from the attack. He needs to know, but I never told him. I can't shower without the dog in the bathroom, when husband is away I am terrified and sleep on the couch, I can't walk alone to my car at work, even in broad daylight. I know this will hurt him to hear all this, but the reality is the reality.

I have to say I am proud of the way he has held himself together. He's a very big man and is constantly challenged in the jail, but he won't fight. He never would. He doesn't want to get in trouble and he never was violent, except this one time. He's getting very frustrated and it's all he can do to hold it together. I sent him some books and he was pretty happy about that. (MY difficult child reading??!! Who'd of thunk it!)

It's nice to know that there are people who care here and I know Ant's Mom, you've been through the worst of it. I admire and take courage from you...

Merris

 

[rejectedmom]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Merris</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

I received a form in the mail from the court called the "Victim's Statement" and I faxed it to difficult child's lawyer because I don't know what to say. Obviously I can't say this hasn't had an effect on me. You can't have someone attack you with a knife and not have a little PTSD. I don't want to be dishonest, CAN'T be dishonest, but I don't want to muck things up either. ...

difficult child will be mortified at what he has done when he hears about what the lasting results are from the attack. He needs to know, but I never told him. I can't shower without the dog in the bathroom, when husband is away I am terrified and sleep on the couch, I can't walk alone to my car at work, even in broad daylight. I know this will hurt him to hear all this, but the reality is the reality.</div></div>

I think you should just say what you wrote here. Was ther a place that asked you what you would like to see happen? I know that i was asked that and that is where I requested that my difficult child be put into a progam that would help him. The victim statement is usually looked at with real concideration by the judge.

I too have lingering symptoms of PTSD. Mine manifest in that I tend to be self isolating, have a hard time with being in crowds and driving over bridges and into tunnels, and have an over active startle reflex. I have learned coping techniques like singing little songs from my youth to get over the brige and through the tunnel. MY symptoms are subsiding but I do not think they will ever totally disappear.

I too send my difficult child books and he is very appreciative and I am amazed that he is enoying them. He never would pick up a book for pleasure before prison. They learn that it is a good way to pass time and an acceptable form of escape. (no pun intended)Glad you difficult child is not allowing them to goad him into a fight.

Are you seeing someone for the PTSD? I think taking the dog into the bathroom is a great solution for that particular fear.
-RM

 

[Merris]

I guess I'm not being realistic when I think that the PTSD will go away on it's own. I do have great fears when I'm home alone and I never had that before (husband travels A LOT). I have thought about getting a big dog (ours is just a dachshund) but husband doesn't want that and truly, I don't want the additional responsibility. I don't believe having a gun would make me any safer and I really don't want one in the house. I wish stun guns were legal. Just enough to get away.

It's my mind. I picture someone breaking in and hurting me or someone grabbing me from behind on the street. Someone breaking the door down with a hammer when I'm in the bathroom. Just fleeting thoughts but they are there.

Therapy is something I REALLY need to do, but I need to find someone who works nights or weekends because my job is pretty shaky after all this time off. I want to be in therapy, I know there are a lot of things I need to work out. My job is part of my therapy because it takes my mind off things and I know I'm really good at it.

Rejected Mom, just know that I know what you're going through. It STINKS but somehow we will get through it.

Hugs

Merris

 

[rejectedmom]

I do not believe in guns either. Little dogs are good as long as they bark. It is a deterrent. Any one in the know will tell you that the key is to prevent entry to you home in the first place. Look into a wireless security system they are not expensive you can set them up yourself and it might give you the peace of mind you need to get some sleep when husband is away. -RM

 

[Sunlight]

let's hope time will help to get you thru this fear. I know I was once trapped in an elevator for 20 mins. I still fear them. I went in one again a few yrs back and the dang thing stopped and would not move. this time I didnt cry, I pounded the door in anger.

maybe you will not fear soon and will know instead you would defend yourself anyway needed should it happen.

give it time.

peace to you.

 

[TYLERFAN]

Hi Merris:

I am happy for you that it is over. I am of course, sympathetic to your pain, that it had to come to this. But, you seem to be looking at it from the right perspective, something good will come!
:angel:
Sending prayers for peace to you!

Blessings,
Melissa

 

[STILLjustamom]

It was very possible he was hallucinating during the attack. From what I've read that does sometimes happen with BiPolar (BP).
You must not live in Texas because down here you would probably not get a judge like the one you did. Mine also is a "convicted felon" and I know how you are feeling about that. All I hope for mine now is mental health, and stability.