I got a phone call from the social worker at the day shelter about 3:15 yesterday to say that difficult child had been stabbed by his girlfriend in a parking lot across the street from the shelter. The girlfriend ran away, and they called the EMTs to take difficult child to the hospital. I went to the hospital, as did easy child and ex-husband. The cut was to the bone, and required surgery. We sat and waited until he was out and saw him. We never got to talk to the surgeon so I don't know much about any possible complications or if he can expect full use of his hand and arm. difficult child is in rare form. Or actually, in his old usual form. He swears and claims that the girlfriend didn't do this. He said he did it to himself...accidentally. The social worker said that as far as she knows, nobody actually saw the incident, but that girlfriend was drunk and was there with difficult child, who was talking to the social worker about help finding a place to live. girlfriend was yelling at difficult child, and they "took it across the street." There, people said, she was hitting him in the face and she was heard to threaten him with the knife. Then, the next thing you know, he has been stabbed. She is in jail on $15K bond for aggravated assault. difficult child swears he is going to get her out and is going to sell his car, we don't understand, we think we know everything, but we don't, everybody is arguing with him and he's the one who got stabbed and should know who stabbed him or didn't, we are acting like he did something wrong, he is the one who is hurt....blah blah blah. With a lot of cursing thrown in. When I got to the ER yesterday, he had been given morphine. I asked the nurses and doctors if they knew about his drug addiction, in front of him, and he quickly and rudely told me yes, Mom, I already told them. They said he had. I talked to the ER doctor who had to get permission first from difficult child to talk to me, and difficult child acted rudely about that, didn't want to give it, but finally did, and the doctor said it was a very serious and deep cut(s) to the bone and would require surgery. They called in an orthopedic surgeon to do it. difficult child had the old look on his face, dulled out, high, ranting and going on and on, sucking up all of the energy in the room, being belligerent, dramatic, talking loud. High. I'm sure he needed the morphine, but I hate seeing that look on his face. Anyway, after he got out of surgery, we went to the room, and even then, he was still in his rare form (see above). We started walking into the room and he asked us to leave so he could talk to the nurses. easy child could hear through the door and he was going on and on about the girlfriend and wanting her to come up there to spend the night, etc. Split them up so he can manipulate. That is a long held tactic of his. Finally, we were allowed into the room, and we had all three decided we were only staying for a few minutes. All difficult child wanted was to use one of our phones and call or text her, and to keep on talking about how everybody is f'ed up and blah blah blah. I said no use of my phone, I love you, I hope you feel better, and I'll see you later. I left. easy child and Ex stayed. Ex let difficult child use the phone and it was out of power and died immediately. easy child said no to using his phone so difficult child cussed them both out and they left. About an hour later, a car pulls up to my house and difficult child gets out and comes to the front door. I did not let him in, and he talked to me through the window. He kept saying let me in, let me in, Mom. He started crying and saying I just want to talk to you about this (his arm). I said no, please leave, and if you don't leave I am calling the police. I went to get my phone and called SO and said do you think I need to call the police (SO out of town on business). He said yes, and as I walked back to the front door, difficult child left in the car. He also went to ex-s house, plus he went to girlfriend's mother's house. He is a man on a mission. Then he went back to the hospital (not sure how all of that worked, leaving and coming back) and proceeded to call me several times through the night, getting nicer and nicer with each call. I did sleep some, was awake for about an hour and a half in the night, thinking about what I am going to do/not do, say/not say. He has already called several times this morning---and finally I took one of the calls. I wrote down what I wanted to say and tried to stay on "script" during the call I took but of course I wasn't able to. He is always way ahead of me in this game we play. He is "meeting with the detectives" this morning. He is going to tell them she didn't do this. He is going to sell his car and get her out of jail. This is not right. Nobody knows what happened except him as "she left 45 minutes before this even happened..." blah blah blah. I said, (engaging, which is something I said I would not do), if you did this to yourself, then you need inpatient psychiatric care. Of course, he didn't, and I have never believed he has been suicidal, but who the heck knows anything anymore? That set him off. I finally said, I don't want to talk about this anymore. I love you, I wish you the best, and I'm not getting involved. Once again I have been taught something new I needed to learn. I thought, because it appeared he was trying some---the job---and talking and sounding different, that he was truly on a pathway. I thought maybe that is what recovery looks like, because that is what my recovery from enabling was like, small steps, fits and starts, etc. But now I believe this: When he truly starts on a different path, everything will be different. He will not be around the same people, places and things. Like MWM said about her daughter (I think, I'm a little fuzzy right now so forgive me if it's RE who said this instead), she was alone for a long time because she had no one. I think that is a true sign of change. difficult child has not done that. He has continued to live on the ragged edge of life. Making overtures---like the job---but not wanting to do anything that has to do with living by someone else's rules. That is key. He wants to live by his own rules, and nobody else's. That's why no rehab, no halfway house, no overnight shelter. All of those places require rule-following. It's too bad. Because I am another step closer to "done." I still don't want to go "no contact." I am still fighting that, but I see it out there, down the road a bit, waiting for me. difficult child needs long-term inpatient rehab. But first, he needs the desire to change. He needs that spiritual awakening that is so necessary. He is "in love" with girlfriend, of course. He is fighting the "good fight" for her, he thinks. Well, you and I can both imagine how this is going to turn out. I hope nothing really really bad happens to him, but I can't be a part of this insanity. I am not going to be. I can't do one thing to change what he will decide to do. There has been a lot of drama in the past 18 hours and I am sure there is more to come. I am going to go about my day today. I have a client meeting this morning, and I am going to go there, prepared. I am very thankful for the recovery I do have to rely on right now, in the trenches. This is a very sad thing, but strangely right now I feel like I am okay. Maybe I am in shock or something. I do know this: I am very very very tired of all of this.