difficult child update . . . things seem to be regressing

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Kathy813, Jun 25, 2013.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hello all. I have been MIA due to a very busy summer of teaching an online class but I do read the board each day and always have all of you in my thoughts.

    My difficult child is still in Florida living in a sober living apartment complex. She had been working as a receptionist in a salon for about four months but just got fired. She says she messed up the books a lot and had a hard time with anxiety. I don't know the truth of the story but she has been telling me that she was in imminent danger of being fired for over a month and yet never bothered looking for anything else. I even gave her a lead for a great full time job that would have been perfect for her but she refused to follow up on it.

    We had been cutting down the amount that we were paying towards her rent each month and now she is claiming that she can't afford to pay her share since she lost her job. Gee, if she knew it was coming for over a month, don't you think she could have saved some money? Actually, I do think she has some money saved but is lying about it. Last month she kept saying that she didn't have any money but suddenly had enough to make a trip to NY.

    I have been going to a therapist who has been great at helping me set boundaries. difficult child is really stepping up her antics in trying to get us to let her come home. Her latest mantra is that she is too mentally ill to take care of herself. I asked her treatment team if they thought that was true and they said absolutely not. They said she was capable of holding down a job and taking care of herself but she is just trying to get us to do that for her.

    So we have been holding the line which will be harder now that she has lost her job. My therapist said not to help her with this and that she has to learn that she has to have a job if she wants to eat, smoke, and drive her car.

    Please give a good thought that difficult child finds a new job quickly and to help us keep that line drawn in the sand.

    Last edited: Jun 26, 2013
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It all sounds so familiar Kathy, they often live their lives out of the same script. I'm sorry it's going this way, perhaps this is the point where she has to financially and emotionally step up to the plate without your assistance. You're doing a great job of detaching and I'm so glad you have a good therapist who is supporting your efforts. I know how hard it is, but you're doing it. Sending good thoughts that your difficult child gets a job and that you hold that line...........
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes they do seem to follow the same script. I'm sorry Kathy, you have done everything possible to surround your difficult child with all the support possible for her to succeed. I hope she takes some steps to be responsible soon.

    Hold that line.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I was hoping that no news was good news, Kathy. Guess it's back to crisis mode for awhile. Does she have any leeway at the complex or is she required to pony up her share or move out? I'm fearful she will show up in your driveway again! Sigh. Can't tell you how happy I am to read that you have connected with a good therapist. Great news, my friend. Sending supportive thoughts and hugs. DDD
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh, Kathy... :sigh: I was hoping things would get better, but... Well, maybe.

    You are right to hold your line. I know all about the money thing... Onyxx hasn't spoken to me since I called her on her actions and refused to pay for a wedding.
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She will figure something out. difficult children seem to have a knack for survival that we do not comprehend. Fingers crossed!

    Keep that therapist on speed dial - LOL! We all know you will need to hit that button at least once.
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD, she wouldn't be thrown out immediately since we had to pay an extra week in advance so I guess they use that towards the difference. I had let our family therapist know about difficult child losing her job and she let the sober living staff know about it. difficult child had not told them that she lost her job and hadn't been going to outpatient or therapy sessions. She said they would discuss that with difficult child. Hopefully, they will put pressure on her to find a job ASAP. Their rule is that clients have to be working at least 30 hours a week.

  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Great that you have a network of support for your family, Kathy. Sad to say...it sure doesn't sound good but difficult child's can surprise us. Fingers crossed. Hugs sent. DDD
  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Oh Kathy...I am so sorry. You really have done ALL there is to do and then some...she has to want something for herself.
  10. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    I'm hoping they do put pressure on her. There's nothing else you can do but see what her next move is.

    I'm sorry. :(
  11. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Am definitely holding out good thoughts that difficult child finds a new job quickly!

    Holding our ground can be such a difficult thing to do...Stay Strong.