This is a subject that he's brought up before but now he's talking about moving back in with his bio mom after he turns 18. (he'll be 17 in a couple of weeks) We got difficult child as a foster at the age of 9 and adopted him at 10. Bio mom's parental rights had been terminated when difficult child was around 6 or 7 (I think) so I'm not entirely sure how long it's been since he's seen her. Other bio family he has been in contact with and had lived with his aunt and uncle at one point. After we had him for about a year, he would spend a couple of weeks in the summer with them (and sometimes Spring Break) alternating between the aunt and uncle and his grandmother. We have no problem with maintaining contact.....they had absolutely nothing to do with the neglect/abuse and tried to do right by him but they had a large combined family (his, hers and at one time, 3 of bio mom's) and just couldn't handle difficult child's needs and outbursts at the time. However, it was usually us who initiated contact even though we always told them, whenver they wanted to see him all they had to do was call. (They live almost 2 hours away) The last couple of years, I haven't contacted the aunt and uncle at all and only call grandma a couple of times a year to check in. Mostly this was done because I got tired of being the one who initiated the contact. I figure, they know where we are and how to contact us, if they want to see him, they can call us. I haven't heard from the aunt and uncle since and I think grandma has only called us a few times in the 7 1/2 years we've had difficult child. And of course, there has been no contact with bio mom at all. He knows she's still in their area and he knows that grandma has contact with her but that's it. This subject was brought up a couple of summers ago with difficult child saying that he wanted to move back up with them as he didn't feel like he belonged with us. It was discussed in counseling and nothing really ever came of it. The idea of him going back to bio mom, however, really worries me. She's in and out of jail, drugs, drinks (but yet still has custody of a child she had after signing guardianship of her oldest to her mother and losing the rights to the following 3 kids.....go figure. difficult child hasn't met this sibling. Mostly because grandma and I didn't know how to go about doing it without confusing the little girl and I really didn't want to get in the middle of that whole situation) The last I knew, difficult child's oldest sibling, who is over 18, has been living or mostly living with bio mom. I'm not sure if difficult child knows this or not and I really don't want him to know. In this case though, older sib. has seen her growing up...difficult child hasn't. Evidently, difficult child brought this up in counseling this morning. I had gotten called into work so husband took him. I haven't had the chance yet to really talk with husband about it although we did talk on the phone for a bit today. There are two things I KNOW in my gut about this entire situation. The first one being that I KNOW aunt and uncle wouldn't want him back, grandma either but for better reasons than aunt and uncle. Bio mom is an unknown in this but it could go either way. The last I knew (last summer I believe) BM was either in jail or getting ready to do some time, was still drugging/drinking, and still very much a difficult child herself. She's always thought of herself as above the law and can do what she wants. After her 3 youngest at the time were taken from her, she followed the requirements of getting them back on HER terms and then would get mad when it wasn't enough to suit the courts. They were all out to get her and she made herself out to be the victim. (She at one point, told her sister who had them at the time to go ahead and take her kids. She'd just make more.) Obviously this is NOT a good situation for difficult child to be in. I firmly believe that if he does this, he WILL end up in jail. The second thing that I KNOW is that difficult child is in a very rose colored fantasy world. When we adopted him, he thought that the adoption would magically make all of his problems, feelings and issues go away and he would be happy. It didn't happen. I think this is the same thing. If he goes back to bio family, all of his problems and troubles will magically disappear and he'll live happily ever after. With every fiber of my being I know this. I don't know if this is just a temporary idea he has in his head right now but I get the feeling it's not. I'm thinking his timing on this is also related to a conversation I had with him a few days ago. My preferred setting for him after he's 18 is some type of group home setting where he can learn hands on life skills while still supervised and then "graduate" to the least restrictive living arrangement he can handle. (Of course that would entail his cooperation so what WAS I thinking??? ) I mentioned it to him and only said that this was an idea that husband and I were tossing around. His immediate answer was no but I asked him to take some time and seriously think about it and I listed the advantages of it for him. I asked him to talk to some of the team members if he wanted but I really wanted him to think about it. He finally agreed to think about it but I know he won't. Of course now I'm second guessing myself with mentioning it to him but there have been a lot of times with him that this strategy will work. He's not going to graduate high school in the normal manner. He's just too far behind on his credits and just doesn't want to put forth any effort. But even when talking about moving back to bio family this morning he said that he wants to finish h.s. husband explained to him that at the rate he's going, he was going to be in high school waaaay past 18. There's also all of the grandiose thinking that he's always had so when you combine that with his seemingly indestructible rose colored glasses........what a mess. I did tell husband that if difficult child does this he'll wind up in jail and he agreed. He thinks though that maybe he needs to do that. Maybe it will wake him up to reality. Which was odd because I'M usually the one telling husband this stuff! I think the next year is going to be very "interesting" for all of us. I guess I don't really have a question for you all....just needed to get this out and try to make some sense of it. I'm sure this will be a big topic in counseling this year and we'll just have to see how it goes. If you've read this far....thanks for hanging in!