difficult child was admitted today

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Mar 2, 2008.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    to the psychiatric hospital. It's his first hospitalization since '05. He needs to be there, the violence has been increasing again now that he is over the flu.

    At first he was excited to be going (leave it to my difficult child) and then he was a bit sad about it.

    It was nice when we first got there because the nurse immediately recognized him. They are so nice up there. I love how they all wear street clothing and no uniforms.

    He is the only child in the entire wing. The adolescents are on the other wing.

    He called once today and I wasn't home (went to the health club). He talked to husband. I was surprised that he actually asked for me first. I called him back and told him I love him. He even said it back. He said he was having a good time.

    We'll go see him tomorrow during visiting hours. He was wondering why we didn't come today. We explained we had spent the morning with him before bringing him in and then visited before he left. His concept of time is so skewed.

    I know he needs to be there and that it is a good hospital. What I'm wondering is why I feel so much worse about this hospitalization than the other two times? Maybe it was because he is the only one there and that seems so lonely? I really don't know.

    I feel like crying but am afraid I won't stop once I start.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I feel like crying but am afraid I won't stop once I start.

    Ohhh, Sharon, I know that feeling. I am so sorry. But you know you did the right thing.
  3. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I'm so sorry Sharon.

    We'll pray it won't feel lonely to him, but will feel peaceful. And that being the only child will mean his care will be attentive.

    Hang in there.
  4. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    Hi Sharon--
    Sending hugs--I'm sure that you miss already, but you know that this is what he needs right now. Maybe it's harder because now he's older...and you were hoping there wouldn't need to be a next time--sigh-

    How long is the average stay? Are you encouraged to visit daily? Try to take this time as respite...you and your family definately deserve it.
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sharon, I'm sorry your mommy heart is hurting tonight. How could it not be? Although we know the treatment we seek for our difficult children is the right thing to do, it's often more painful for us than it is for them.

    Sending positive healing thoughts to your difficult child and many gentle hugs to you.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Sharon I'm so sorry, I know you are hurting. I am so sad for our kids, they don't know howto manage their anger and their lives are so out of control.

    husband and I went to a class Thursday night (we were invited to go by the juvenile detective in difficult child's case). It was put on by a licensed professional clinical counselor who has a private practice but also evaluates and counsels adolescents for several of our local juvenile courts. He wrote a book on How To Change Your Child's Behavior and during the class he said that at any time 35-50% of the children in his practice are adopted, while only 2% of the children in the population are adopted, and he said this holds true for his fellow counselors as well. Anyway he made a statement that I find so true, that our children spend their whole lives being angry at everyone except who they should be angry at.

    He also said that it is possible to alter one's behavioral core by structuring or restructuring the outside on such a controlled and consistent basis that the core of who they are on the inside becomes modified to conform to external satructure. And that those of us with adopted children have to hang on tight for a very long time and steer to the right as these children will constantly try to steer to the left.

    He is the first person I have met in all the years of therapy we have been through that I felt really understands adopted children.

    I hope this stay provides some stability. Hold ontight Sharon.

  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm so sorry you had to go through this and difficult child.

    he is your baby and you are doing what's best for him right now, doing the right thing i have learned often hurts.

    sometimes crying helps, it relieves the pain and empties the cup so to speak. it doesn't compromise your strength.

    hugs to you tonight i hope your able to get some rest and have a good visit tomorrow.

  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. It hurts so much when we have to take drastic measures to help our babies. No matter how old he is, he is your baby.

    I hope your mommy heart will let the feelings out when it feels right. Remember we are always here for you.

    Sending lots of hugs and prayers,

  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    {{{Hugs}}} for you and difficult child. I know this must hurt...
  10. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    (Hugs) I know how this tears at our mommy hearts.
    Prayers and hugs.
  11. GinAndTonic

    GinAndTonic New Member

    I'm sorry, Sharon.
  12. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    (((((gentle hugs)))))
  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Even when we know beyond doubt it's what our difficult child's need, it still hurts our Mommy hearts.

    I'm hoping being the only child in the wing means he'll get great care and attention so they can figure things out more quickly.

    I hope you take this time to rest, do something fun, and then regroup. You've been thru alot.

    Sending warm ((((hugs))))
  14. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Well, Sharon - I'd guess after the last how many months you're due for a good cry. While we know it's the right course, the right action to hospitalize our difficult children, it's never easy.

    Don't let that little turd guilt you because he's the only one on the unit. He'll be entertained & having fun in no time.

    In the meantime, even though it says visiting hours - it's okay to tag off with husband. Or even skip a night & take some time with husband - or dare I say it? Some time for you?

    I'm keeping fingers crossed that this time isn't just a quick band aid type of hospitalization. That the professionals take a hard, long look at difficult child & come up with a SAFE, APPROPRIATE treatment plan. It may be that difficult child needs to be in an outside setting to learn the things he needs to learn. wm was never able to learn from husband or myself; he needed people who were objective & who weren't a threat (i.e. loved him) to him.

    I hope difficult child finds that kind of therapy or whatever therapy he needs so you can have a happy family life. You & husband deserve it. :flower:
  15. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. Just remember, your difficult child needs to be in the psychiatric hospital right now. It must have been so difficult to leave him, especially since he is the only child on the wing. However, as you said, it is a good psychiatric hospital. He is going to get the care he needs. As others have already said, being the only child on the wing could turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Maybe the staff will be able to devote more time and attention to him.

    When you're ready, have a good cry. Sometimes it helps. If you need to "talk", we're here. Then, please do some nice things for yourself. You definitely need and deserve a break. Please don't feel guilty taking care of your needs. Your difficult child is being taken care of. You need to focus on you.

    And, I agree with Linda concerning visiting hours. You can let husband go alone sometimes and you can take a break. It is ok!!! You don't have to visit difficult child every night. He knows you love him. If you're too tired, take a break!!! You're going to need your strength once difficult child comes home.

    Hugs, WFEN
  16. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    First off, big hugs. I'm sure that his being the only kid there is a tough thought for your mommy heart - not to mention that basic fact that he is hospitalized.

    I know that probably sounds pat, but use this time for the rest of the family to heal, rest and plan what happens when difficult child comes home. easy child is needing some attention right now - this time may be a great rebonding time for the two of you. Focus on yourself too.


  17. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I have a super soft, fuzzy blanket that i am wrapping your mommie heart in. I've been where you are - and there really isn't anything to make you feel better except maybe to hear that you did do the right thing and you have friends who are supporting you.

    I'm one of those - (and I saw that candy bar you got - you can 'hab it) lol

    (days like today I'd just like to dive into a bag or 10 of Dove chocolates)
  18. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sharon, if your difficult child is anything like my son, he did actually like to be in the hospital. It was safe and protected from the demands of the outside world. There was always an adult to run interference and he could go to the quiet room when life was too hard. (he requested to go in there with the door open-not as punishment but as an escape)
    It is without a doubt worse for us than it is for our son's. My experience has been that difficult child has been treated wonderfully by the staff and doctors. He had activities and buddies and treats. He didn't seem to mind most of the time.

    Hopefully, you will have an opportunity to recharge while all the professionals look at difficult child and figure out what to do next.

    If you think about your baby being on a locked ward and the absolute necessity of it, you would want to scream and cry. Looking at it as a safe environment for your difficult child makes it a more positive experience.
  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank you everyone!

    We went for a visit tonight. We played Uno and husband read to him. It was a good visit. He is still the only one on the wing. Overall he said he had a good day today. He didn't like one of the teachers. He also said he wishes there were some other kids there.

    He did make me a bracelet with his name, easy child's, our dog's, mom, and dad. It was very sweet and he couldn't wait to show it to me.

    I did tell him I wouldn't be up there tomorrow. I have a therapist appointment and then a wrestling meeting husband and I have to go to for the tournament we're working in this weekend.
    Overall, he is handling it well. Like Fran said difficult child does actually like being in the hospital for the most part. He gets a ton of attention and it is so structured-much more so than we could possibly provide.

    Star-I didn't hab the candy bar but I did have about half of a huge (from Noodles) snickerdoodle cookie today- it sure was delicious and I think I'm going to skip my workout too! Yikes!

    Honestly, I don't know what I would do without all of you.
  20. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I'm glad to hear he's feeling comfortable there.

    Open pediatric beds--what a shocker!