difficult child..what to expect now

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Dec 11, 2009.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I know I have not posted in a long time. I do read and keep up to date with you all though. Just too depressed to write.

    Check Watercooler about my issue.

    difficult child - Voice changing, growing...He knows EVERYTHING. Broken dishes, holes in the wall. ETC.

    We don't get along at all. Because of SCHOOL.

    He skipped a class. Grounded for a week. No phone, no computer no stepping out the door.

    The day he was to get ungrounded I got a call from school to come to school they have a serious issue. The police were there.

    I jump in the car not knowing what is going on. difficult child is basically a good kid. No drugs, no parties. Just has this mouth that won't stop.

    I like this small school because everyone knows him, they took the time to get to know him. He got along great. Then the police officer, the liason officer at the school was promoted and a new one came. difficult child will go after, push buttons whatever to any authority figure until they get to know each other.

    difficult child talks. non stop. Class clown. He pantsed someone. The liason officer saw that and called him out. difficult child's mouth started going. Liason officer called the police to have him arrested for obstruction. A teacher who difficult child knows very well stopped the arrest. difficult child was given a $235 ticket. And he goes to court on 12/16. His Birthday.
    It was a joke. My older son was pantsed many times. It was his friend too.

    both my husband and I, even my older son thinks they went too far. We can understand suspension, but court and a ticket??? Ofcourse we NEVER let difficult child know how we really feel. So, as his 15th birthday approaches he is terrified.

    He was suspended 3 days for that. He also drew inappropriate pictures on a paper and actually put his name on it. He handed it in to a substitute teacher. (the one paper he turns in). Had In school suspension for that.

    Not doing work. sleeping in class. All teachers say he should be an A student. If they test him orally he knows it. Getting him to write it down is a chore. Five minutes and he is either drawing pictures or sleeping.

    He has ADHD medication. Refused. Past experience, anything with Ritalin in gives him a horrible reaction. Adderall put him to sleep. This year was Vyvanse. He refused. Until....last Tuesday. He has been taking it every day this past week.

    Did drug tests. Blood work. No drugs. His gift of gab is his biggest asset. Gets to know teachers really well. Anyone. He talks to anyone. Very bright, knowledgable. But that gift of gab is his biggest problem too. Yells at me constantly. Makes me cry. Hates me. Hates living with me.

    I stopped giving him a ride to school. He now has to take the bus. I do nothing for him.

    There is SO much more going on. He is a very emotional, very passionate kid. Tries real hard not to show that. Said he was going to blow his head off. Shoot up heroin. Said that would solve all my problems. (school)

    He called a teacher and she came and picked him up. He stayed at her house for an evening and did homework. He is in counseling. School said it all started about 3 weeks ago. He was having a good year and WHAM.

    This is what happened (then ... 3 weeks ago)

    His Special Education teacher beat cancer. difficult child was pretty close to him. The cancer is back and he will not be returning to school. Not going to make it.

    My job has been outsourced. WE have a few months for the conversion. difficult child remembers when I lost my job of 18 years. We almost lost our house. We had nothing.

    There was a third thing and at this moment my mind is blank. But all three of these things happened at once. He doesn't talk about it. But I know he acts out.

    Now, back to my original question. What will happen at court? I was told it is not an arrest, just a citation. I told them (school) I don't have $235. They told me the judge will more than likely put it on the kid, not the parent. But they will ask about his behavior at home and school. And his grades. (he is failing all classes. Until he makes up tests and turns in work)

    What happens now? Will he have a record? And court is his 15th birthday. I told him he is going to jail. In the midst of an argument I blurted out the judge will look at his behavior, grades and put him in Juvy.

    difficult child actually TELLS me I don't know anything. He's 14. He lives it. He KNOWS everything.

    My mind is running in circles. Conference was last night.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like difficult child has so much going on right now. I don't know what will happen with the court; mostly I just want to send some support and hugs your way.
  3. lordhelphim

    lordhelphim New Member

    i feel for you! i can't answer the court ? but my life has been paralleling yours but my difficult child is 9 not a teen yet.

    as much as we all hate for our kids to have run ins with-the law sometimes you have to deal with-it and hope that the experience is one that they do not want to revisit. was the school overboard, yes(our school didn't go overboard and got sued by victim's parent for the same thing.) but what can you do with-the stupid no tolerance stuff.

    prayers for your family!
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending you a great big hug. Puberty is an awful time for kids and for parents. I don't know what court will do. Maybe they can give difficult child community service if you tell them you don't have the funds and difficult child is 14 and likely cannot get a job. Not sure how they would expect a 14yo to pay off a ticket with-o parental help.

    What has husband said about all of this? Can you just let him deal with it all?

    I haven't read your other thread yet, but I am sending you a blanket of snuggly hugglies. These are super soft,super gentle, super comforting hugs that will wrap around you with that warm, amazing feel that tells you that someone loves you. Snuggly Huggly has a special feature. Once you fasten the button that holds it around you it forms a special coating to neutralize anything anyone says to you that is designed to hurt you in any way. You will have that special comfort and all those awful words will be lessened because you will feel how much we care about you.

    Take care of yourself, and know that your basket of Snuggly Hugglies will never be empty - so don't save them for when it is "really bad".
  5. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Your difficult child is in many ways a lot like Son. Basically, a good kid but with a mouth that just won't stop. Though, he mostly saves it for me and husband. Son is also very friendly with most of the school staff.

    I get told I don't know anything all the time.

    Sometimes, he will ask me a question, and I will turn the tables and tell him, "I don't know, I don't know anything, remember?"

    A ticket and a fine is over the top. Hopefully, a judge will see that.

    I'm so sorry about all of the other things you are having to cope with. It's so stressful. husband just got another pay cut this week and his employer went into Chap 11 bk. We are hoping they survive these very difficult economic times.

    Sending you gentle and comforting hugs.
  6. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I know this does't help but ... this is the kind of thing that could have and should have been handled at the school! It was a prank and kids do things like that. I can't believe they got the POLICE involved!

    This sounds like something that my own son very well could have done (and probably did do!) when he was in school. And if he did, his butt might have been sitting in detention or even in the in-school suspension for about a week but they certainly would not have called the police!