difficult child's feeling better, STILL fought school.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Apr 9, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Took difficult child to doctor, positive strep, got medications, feeling better.

    Til he had to go to school this morning. He is fighting school SO hard.

    Finally compromised...we were already going to be late (I didn't expect him to feel better and be fever free this morning, so I didn't get out of bed at regular time...) so I suggested he could watch a cartoon he likes while I get ready. That calmed him down (after a 25 minute session of screaming about hating school prior to this).

    When it came time to leave, all was well.

    Got to school and he saw the tulips were starting to bloom in front. He loves flowers and he loves the head teacher at school, so he ran inside, excited to tell her. Of course, we were late, so class had already started and I reminded him not to interrupt. He waited til she wasn't speaking, but it still wasn't a good time to tell her flowers were blooming outside, but he tried anyway, and she told him she would talk to him later. He was heart broken. He tried to sit next to a boy he likes and the boy told him no, so he sat by himself on the other side of the room, nearly in tears.

    I signed him in and was leaving when he came running out the door, tears flowing. He didn't ask to go home, he didn't ask me to stay, he just cried. We talked a bit and he doesn't understand why his teacher didn't listen to him. To him, he was being appropriate, he waited til she wasn't speaking, etc. When he calmed again, I asked him if he was ready to go back and he said he had to get the tears away, it makes his teacher sad to see the tears, so he didn't want to go back in with tears in his eyes. I told him it was ok, his teacher would help him, but he was adamant he couldn't cry in front of her.

    I so don't know what to do. On one hand, he's been crazy lately. On the other, he's aware he's an outcast, he's "bad", and he seems to want to do the right thing SO bad, but just doesn't get it, can't get it, or won't get it... There's some argument among the powers that be which it is.

    But we gotta get on top of this not wanting to go to school thing. I just don't have any idea how.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    That is the part that breaks my heart, the wanting so badly to be accepted and the complete lack of understanding about why he is not. That is Tigger's life as well. Sadly, I cannot offer any advice as I am now homeschooling Tigger as we never could get on top of it. We are just now trying to integrate him into some small groups (Cub Scouts and some park district programs).

    But (((HUGS))) I know how much it hurts to see those tears...
  3. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    If I'm reading your siggy right, difficult child is in Kindergarten? If so, then I think the positive is that he's so young that any interventions you're working on will be helpful. My difficult child has different issues, but he spent a lot of K and first grade as an outcast (at least in the formal classroom setting). He just couldn't keep it together and did odd and inappropriate things. He, too, didn't seem to understand when he was breaking protocol, or how to control himself in order to fit in better. And of course the teachers and Principal assumed this behavior was all intentional. But we have a GREAT therapist, an ex-teacher in fact, who helped him through all sorts of practical strategies. And it's made a HUGE difference over the last couple of years. Now, toward the end of 2nd grade, I think he is doing a pretty darn good job of being appropriate in the classroom, and I've noticed that he seems to have more positive interactions with classmates, too. (I volunteer a lot to keep an eye on that stuff.)

    So I guess I'm saying, take heart, and good luck plodding through the rest of this school year. Maturity plus early, good therapy can produce some really positive results. ((hugs))
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Very sad. Did difficult child's teacher find out he ended up crying? If not I would probably let her know just so she can know how fragile his feelings are right now. Gentle hugs.
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I picked him up after school today and he ran back into the room to give hugs. He gave one of the helpers a hug and she, rather nastily and loudly says "Stop being a 2 year old" and hesitantly gives him a hug with head turned. I heard it and was standing in the door across the room from them.

    Only makes me put more weight on the fact that maybe the other teacher DID call say he stinks in front of other kids.