difficult child's school records...what to do???

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by judi, Jun 15, 2008.

  1. judi

    judi Active Member

    I'm posting this in this forum because it pertains more to an adult child than schooling. Today, I rec'd notice in the mail that our son's school records (IEPs, different school placements) are due to be destroyed August 1st. We can have them if we want them. What purpose would this serve - to get his records? I can't imagine what's in them other than the stuff I already know about.... On the other hand, I don't want to risk them falling into someone else's hands either...hmmm.

    Have any of you faced this with the older children? What did you do and why?

    by the way - we have only seen our son once for <10 minutes since January, so this really brings back a lot of painful memories for my husband and myself.

    Thanks for any comments/suggestions...judi
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    If you are worried about them getting into someone's hands, you could get them and destroy them. But I do know what you mean about not wanting to see them and having them stir up memories. There are a lot of unhappy times wrapped up in that file.

    You have a while to think about it. I'm sure someone else will have better ideas than I do. I just wanted you to know that I would probably feel the same way.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    While it may stir up nasty memories, the records might be helpful to him at a later date if he is trying to get help. Not sure what is in them, but you could get them and either destroy them or put them in a box, tape it closed and stick it in the attic or closet.

  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    That's interesting. I haven't heard a word from Rob's school district.

    I know what you mean about bringing back bad memories, Judi. It would be the same here. Still, I'd probably take them and pack them away somewhere. Even if you and your son aren't talking now, that doesn't mean you'll never talk.

    And even if you don't ever refer to them, at least you know that no one else is looking at them either.

  5. judi

    judi Active Member

    Thanks everyone. Those were my thoughts exactly. I guess I'll call them today and see what I need to do.
  6. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I know what you mean about memories. I have the "J" file. Sadly, it's quite thick. Trying to thin out the move I came across this file and it brought back such unhappy times. I don't know why I kept it, but I did.

  7. judi

    judi Active Member

    Its so strange how these emotions; kept bottled up as we muddle thru life, can come raging back at something so innocent as a letter.

    I was up quite a bit last night just thinking about it.
  8. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    judi, I have a whole crate of papers on difficult child. I seldom look through them because they are painful.
    You should get and keep records because you have a grandson. The history is important and if you or husband are not around there is some record of difficult child's behavior and your attempts to work through things.

    I'm sorry difficult child is so distant and uncaring. Hope your easy child and the 2 grand babies give you huge joy.
  9. judi

    judi Active Member

    Thanks Fran. Indeed our easy child gives us much joy as does our grandchildren. I feel bad that difficult child is missing out on what a wonderful son he has, but that is his choice: he can visit anytime and we have our grandson often so he doesn't even have to deal with his ex unless he chooses.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I am a notorious pack rat. I'm probably border line hoarder in the paper file aspect of keeping things that EVERYONE will tell you, me and the whole world YOU can throw those out. Like my taxes from when I first got married over 21 years ago? I still have them. And the CPA said "You wont need those after 5 -7 years." When I tried to get a $40k tax bill put on my x? I NEEDED those papers and by some miracle (packratus a meeus) had them ON hand. Of course they were filed in the "a-hole" box with all my other memories of x.

    And the entire family knows what to get if I say I need the Ahole box. I kept every receipt, every utility bill, every school record, because if I EVER had to prove in court in 18 years that I DID, ALL ON MY OWN, provide for my son and x did zero - THERE was my proof.

    When he turns 18 - I will have a truck back up here and shred the stuff to bits. Until then - the boxes are not even allowed IN the house for fear of horrible, bad karma. THey stay out in a shed locked.

    YOu could do the same - I dont' "go through" them - to stir up any emotions but when I need them to prove a point? I have them. Dude will be 18 in August and I can't WAIT to shred them.

  11. judi

    judi Active Member

    Thanks Star - I have always loved your visual pictures! tee hee hee